There is a device called a transfer chair which swivels over the bathtub rail. The user sits down on it and is mostly from a sitting position able to put himself into the tub. This might assist you with the showering.
Being a man, this is my advice.... let him do as much as he can for himself and even for others, if he can manage it. The quality of his life is very dependent upon how he views himself, and if he views himself as "unproductive" or "not useful", he sure won't be very happy. It is not something we men would want to trade off for length of life.....in fact, I don't doubt that his reluctance to take meds is rooted partially in his desire to die.
The thing that "feeds" men is RESPECT. It is hard for a man to feel respected when he cannot "perform" - like work, drive, protect, etc. His "bullheadedness" comes from his deepest need and his desire to get them met.
Encourage him to "do his part"... and even manage some words of praise for him if you can when he does his best at it.
I am not sure why his blood pressure is uncontrolled, but hopefully, if he is in line with taking his meds, perhaps his doctor can get that BP to a suitable level to permit the surgeries he needs. His quality of life would be much better if the blood supply to his brain were not so impeded, I'm sure.
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