Hi all, I'm new, I've not been on a forum before so I'm not familiar with the protocal. Basically I'm 36, my dad is 93 (94 in August), my Mum is 74 (75 in June), my beautiful son is 4 and my beautiful daughter is 19 months. She nearly died last April and has 2 serious medical conditions, which, thank God are currently under control. My wonderful husband puts up with everything and loves me as I never dreamed of being loved.
My problem? I hate my parents. I'm an only child and totally responsible for their care & welfare. Dad went blind when I was 12 and sank into a deep depression which changed him from a warm sensitive person into a selfish, self centered monster. Mum didn't let him go to the sessions set up by the social worker to teach him to deal with his disability because she wanted him to let her mind him and basically forced him back to an infant state. He cant and has never learned to even feed, wash or clothe himself. Meanwhile I was left to care for myself, and the bills and all of the practical stuff such as house maintenance etc. Dad has talked constantly about waiting to die and how he does not have long to live for the last 24 years from the day he went blind. When I was younger and became upset and begged him to stop he would do it even more, and say vicious hurtful things to me. I adored my dad as a child because he was the only one who was ever nice to me but I stopped loving him a long time ago now. He is hateful, selfish, abusive and demanding and wants Mum & me to do whatever he asks immediatly regarding of what else is going on.
My Mum, she used to beat me senseless as a child and even sexually abused me a couple of times. I was always terrified of her, and now she is my constant responsibility and worry. She expects me to do everything for her, even down to showering both of them, despite the fact that she should be perfectly capable of showering and dealing with her own personal needs.
My mum doesn't want any of the help available from social services, will not consider a care home for either of them and doesn't like spending a cent.
We spent 100,000 renovating their home last year to make it totally disabled oriented, which necessitated taking out a second mortgage on our own home which we can badly afford, and they wont even use the equipment the way the occupational therapist showed them. They keep falling. I dread the phone ringing. It is always Mum calling with a problem of some sort or other.
I also work in a senior management position 3 days a week. I had to cut down to 3 days when my daughter became ill as she has regular hospital appointments. My parents both also have numerous hospital appointments which mean I actually go in to work for a rest.
I love my husband and children and hate the fact that my parents are ruining what should be a precious time in our life. I know that sounds horribly selfish but I cant take much more. There is lots of help available but Mum wont take it, they expect me to do everything. When I made her take it for a while she got into a terrible row with the caregiver and I've ended up having to make numerous complaints on her behalf. Then when the investigators call to talk about the complaint which I made for her; what does she do? Say it was all blown out of proportion. She told them I have a terrible temper and not to worry.
I do have a terrible temper and I am afraid it will tear my beautiful family apart. I was sexually abused by my Mother and by my parents best friend when I was 10. I had a horrible life with them and I have no choice but to look after them.
Help me, advise me if you can.
Re: HATE & RESENT caring for parents
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