am i alone

[lizziejay]

i am 18 years old and have finally come to terms with anorexia and that in my life so far i have done this to myself 4 times and each time getting worse and worse. all the other times i have "recovered" by myself without anyone even knowing. but now after reaching my lowest ever weight i decided to go to the doctors about it as my friends were really worried about me, i didnt think it was that serious to be honest and so now i am trying to recover but work have now found out and i just want to slip back into old habits.
i look at myself and hate it, but then i will skip a meal and wake up the next morning feeling and looking great, i know it is wrong and im not going to slip back i have promised myself but i just dont see the point in putting weight on when i feel better for not eating.
i knew it was going to be hard but i am really struggling please tell me im not alone in this feeling

[alittlelost]

You're not alone at all. It's like any other addiction...it makes you feel good so it's hard to stop. When you do stop you go through "withdraws." I'm right there with you. After 12 years I'm finally (just this week) admitting I have a problem that must be dealt with. If you're anything like me you fear giving up your habits because it's like giving up the only life you've ever known...I wish I had advice as to how to make the fear and anxiety stop...I don't; however, know that you're not alone in what you're going through. Thank you for your post...it's nice to know there are others out there who understand.

[lizziejay]

thank you for the reply, its just that life seems so hard at the moment, my best friend has gone to uni and has already forgotten about me and i am struggling to find new friends because no one wants to be mates with someone who has an eating disorder, i need someone and i cant find them, my family dont know and the mates that i do have dont understand they think it stupid. im just having a really hard time at the moment and just want to give up, nothing is helping at the moment.

[alittlelost]

you had mentioned seeing a doctor...when do you plan to go? I know it's overwhelming and you probably feel like you can't keep your head above water at the moment but don't give in and let these emotions consume you. Sometimes I have a hard time getting out of my head...You have to push through and see someone about this.

[lizziejay]

i saw the doctor and was refereed for mental health treatment and that was about 2 months ago and still have not seen a doctor as i am not ill enough to go to the top of the list. the system is crap.