Hi Aquarius,
I had been diagnosed with very mild OCD which was controlled with medication, but it had worsened since my dad died. I think maybe it is just my brain trying to deal with an event that makes no sense. I am functional and can gets kids out the door to school, clean house etc, mostly the OCD is jut checking--door locks, garage door, etc and driving in certain patterns as I come and go to the house. I feel it is manageable right now and he just died last month, but if it doesn't taper off in the mext month or so I am going back for a med check.
I don't know that I feel guilty about dad's death--there is nothing any of us could have done to prevent it--but I hear questions in my head a lot: Was I a good daughter? Was he happy? Was he disappointed about the problems we kids have had as adults? It's more like wanting reassurance that our family was normal even with all of its issues.
Incidentally, my dad had OCD so it is kind of an odd and comforting connection most days!
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