Sex: what is normal (frequency)?

[coldfacts]

(I am) In a long, long relationship with almost none (sex), my GF gyno doc says sex once a month is normal. Is he totally crazy or I am wrong?. We are both in our mid 50's, she's a little younger. I am healthy (except little arthitis), she just ok.

I searched the net looking for answers to not avail (too much data, too little info). So the question is: How often is considered normal (a range)?

[Valid]

Zero to lots is normal and everything in between. Normal for those particular couples.

Its not clear from your post why you're asking this:

If you want more sex than you are having... then it isn't time to look for some 'normal' figure as evidence to support an argument for having more - there isn't one. Perhaps its time to talk. About what you want and what they want and maybe what you might do for them to become more interested again. That might be more attentiveness/romance etc, I don't know.

But an average figure is what other people do -- not some prescription about what you should be doing -- and half are always above that amount and half below it. Hardly anybody ever does average.

[coldfacts]

Thanks for answer, Valid.

Infortunately there is always conflict between people with intense and very low sexual desires. i believe everybody is different and every couple have different problems and solutions. I am not looking for a canned answer, however that gynocologist came with this ridiculous number, and my GF is kind of taking it seriously. Maybe I just looking for moral support, but there are statistics for everything, and people who follow the trend...

[AZSweetheart]

Were you at the appointment when the doctor advised her of this figure or did she tell you that is what the doctor said? I would find that unacceptable in a committed relationship with no medical reasons for the lack of sex. Do you both want to have sex more frequently? I think its time for a sitdown with your partner and get the creative juices flowing. You're both too young to be missing out on pleasuring eachother. Best of luck to you.

[pretzel146]

Originally Posted by coldfacts

(I am) In a long, long relationship with almost none (sex), my GF gyno doc says sex once a month is normal. Is he totally crazy or I am wrong?. We are both in our mid 50's, she's a little younger. I am healthy (except little arthitis), she just ok.

I searched the net looking for answers to not avail (too much data, too little info). So the question is: How often is considered normal (a range)?

I'm actually in a somewhat similar position. I'm 50, my wife's 46. I'd also disagree that once a month is less than what I'd consider normal (my opinion only) but there may be differences in our situations that could easily change my opinion.

What I would personally do is try to determine if she's starting or is in full blown menopause. From the sense I'm getting from your post it may be just this particular part of the relationship that's waning.

Couple of questions though.

Is the possibility of hormonal imbalance real. The role of hormones whether it be estrogen/progesterone imbalance, lack of testerone can severely diminish her sex drive. Getting one's hormones back in balance could do wonders.

Has sex become painful for her? Vaginal dryness is something that happens naturally as well as thinning. If sex hurts then she's going to be less inclined to do it, and she may be somewhat afraid to say that it hurts. At this point, if lotions and creams that lubricate aren't being used, I would suggest it. Make it part of foreplay as it is probably taking her longer to be aroused than before and patience is key.

Lastly, is she still comfortable with how she looks and feels? I know we can tell our wives and S/O's how much we love them and desire them (which is true, btw) but if she doesn't feel comfortable with herself then no matter what it won't do much good. Self confidence and acceptance that their bodies aren't the same as they were ten years ago can sometimes be hard to accept for anyone.