desperate

[kellyjayne]

hi everyone

im new here and have come here as a last resort as i just dont know what way to turn next....

my partner of 3 months is an addict, i only found out the extent of this in the past 3 weeks. prior to that I knew he drank quite heavily and used some recreational drugs, but now I have found out he is using crack and heroin almost everyday. He cant go without it, sometimes Ive found him crawling the walls because he needs another fix so bad.

its making him paranoid and delusional and he starts arguments with me and accuses me of things. When he gets really low he begs me to help him get help, but the majority of the time he denies that he has a problem and claims that he can take it or leave it, which isnt true.

He agreed to go to a support centre with me but when he got there he wanted to leave and filled out false details on a form they gave him, so he wont take any help.

Im pregnant and scared as I cant see him having got help by the time the baby is born, he wants me to keep it but im frightened about bringing a child into a situation like this.

Im also terrified he will die, he is drinking heavily and using hard drugs every day as well as taking strong painkillers for an injury. he is underweight at the moment and im scared his body will just give up.

I love him to bits and if he gets help I will be there every step of the way, but I also know that I cant help someone who doesnt want to help themselves. Everytime he upsets me or lets me down he apologises and begs me not to walk away from him, and because I love him I never do. But am I making things worse by allowing him to do this?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, Ive never been close to an addict before and I dont know what to do for the best

[shrimp88]

get yourself out now for the sake of the baby. it sounds like he is in the 1st stage of recovery. he realizes he needs the help but isnt ready. and u have a baby coming please for the sake of your kid get out now.

[denon]

Hi kellyjayne. Welcome to the forum. You are definitely in a tough situation. The problem is, until he hits rock bottom and decided that he wants the help, he'll never get it or won't follow through. You might want to give him an ultimatum to stop the drugs and get help or you will leave. Trying to bring up a child in that environment is not healthy or safe. The child comes first. Think about it.

[silentwarrior]

Hi Kellyjane,

First of all I want to say you are a very courageous woman and I am glad you have found this board.

I agree with others that you and the child need to come first in this very tough situation. I also know that doing so is much easier said than done.

I have no doubt that you care so very deeply for this man but it doesn't seem like he is ready to take care of himself let alone nurture a relationship and take care of a baby.

It is tough enough to be in a new relationship but it must be extremely difficult to learn the extent of his addictions as you find out that you are expecting his child. I know that he can be loving and apologetic and that he wishes for you to stay with him and have the baby and I can only imagine how confusing that has to be for you.

I would suggest telling him that you both need space right now. That you have a lot of decisions to make and that you need to focus on loving yourself and what is best for you and the child you are carrying. On the flip side he needs to focus on himself and love himself enough to figure out what path his life should take. I agree that he sounds like he knows that he needs help but that he is not yet READY for it.

If it were me I would take time and space to focus on my life, health, and pregnancy and down the road if he has truly worked on himself and was getting the help he needed then I would try and be supportive of him as at the very least the father of my child.

Whatever path you choose I hope for only the best for you and your child.

Stay strong,

SW

[btj]

No one will stop using until they want to no matter what the circumstances are,but on the other hand when you want to quit you really do need support no matter how strong you are.Your in a tough spot he needs detox center at least to start the recovery.If he wont go then you have to do something I really hope it works out.