Co-dependence

00lady00 · 10-24-2009, 08:13 PM

I think i'm co-dependent, my therapist suggested that i read books on it and most of it is the same as being an addict, so i'd like to know.. what your advice would be to someone like me, what could i do? what do you think works best? what books can i read? any advice or words of inspiration?

tyvin · 10-30-2009, 05:17 PM

Co-dependency usually refers to a person suffering due to someone they (you) are dependant on and they (you) are enableling the dependent to continue an untoward behavior. That is a "very" broad definition. Since you don't state what the co-dependency is about it is hard to answer. Your therapist should be able to counsel you on this instead of asking you to read a book on it. If your therapist cannot answer your questions about co-dependency in a way that you can understand, have he/she try harder.

<edited>

We are with you.

derbin247 · 11-02-2009, 01:31 AM

Hi, I am an addict and have been in recovery for 3 years. I am merely sharing my experiene with you and have no idea what your background is so if this is not for you then that is ok too!

I too, was and still can be very co-dependent on people. I am not sure if you are in a 12 step program or not but I am and I have had to do a ton of work in this area. Not sure if you have a higher power or not but prayer is a great start. Sounds cheesy but its true. Reading a book is not going to cure you... you will not get better simply by osmosis and reading... you will need to take action. What worked for me was separating myself from my boyfriend on certain nights of the week and hanging out with the girls. I talk with my sponsor and other women regularly to keep my focus on others and not only my man. You need to estabish healthy and thriving relationships with people of the same sex. Set aside some alone time. If only an hour at first and work your way up to two... do something you want to do that is good for you. Pick up a great novel that you enjoy and get away for an hour. Go get a massage. Try going to a restaurant alone and eating. You will find that you really like yourself and you will start to care more about yourself. In turn your co dependent relationships will benefit. This is all a process which has taken me a long time. I still struggle once in a while... I dont think it will ever go away but these are some small suggestions that work for me. Also, I took an entire year off of dating... my slogan was "no date until 08!" hahaha ... anyways good luck to you!

00lady00 · 11-02-2009, 03:56 AM

Hello derbin247- When I read your reply it really spoke to me, I've come to think that perhaps I am too an addict. I don't know exactly how this happend. I was a victim of child abuse when I was 6 or 7, the hardest part was being taken from my mother and being placed in foster care and later with my father, who, for the most part, was a stranger. I felt extremely alone in these times. Reading isn't going to get me better, but it has given me information on trying to get a feel for my problem. I'm only 21yrs old, I work full time and go to school @ night, my mom and I don't have a very good financial situation so I have to do what I must to live. I've probably never really loved anyone, I think, it was all part of my addiction and confusing it for love. I want to be able to love someone, every person I've been involved with I've wanted to love, but I never could. It's hard to admit this, but I hate myself, I beat myself up daily, my own thoughts are a poison I constantly feed to myself. My friends are great, they try, but they don't really understand and sometimes I'm scared to really let them in. I am so sad, I'm @ one of my lowest points, I don't know any addicts... I don't like to drink, and although I've tried drugs, I haven't found any of them worth doing normally. I don't want to kill myself or hurt myself, but in many ways I guess I'm doing that mentally. Maybe if I was an alcoholic or on drugs I could get more help, I'm killing myself daily, harming myself.. I need help, I need someone to talk to.

Thank you for listening.

00lady00 · 11-02-2009, 04:13 AM

pharoahphantom - I haven't really started with my therapist yet, I've seen him once and he asked me a couple questions and from what I told him and how I felt he suggested that I read a book on co-dependency and continue coming to sessions on a regular basis. I think he just wanted me to do some research before I came in again to see him. I'm in such a rush though, I feel like everyday that goes by is a waste of time, I feel like I want to fix this (although he did tell me this couldn't be fixed, only controlled and managed) I feel like I've been diagnosed with cancer and am on the verge of death, like there is no hope for me. I feel so heart broken and constantly think about it, I haven't found the motivation to clean my room or get out of bed much. I want to fight for me, but I need help, I can't do this alone. A lot of people (including my mom) have told me to turn to God, I let God go so many years ago.. Probably since Junior High School. How could I ask him to help me now? Why would he want to help me? I don't know where to begin.