I slipped bad!

[denon]

There I was, sitting there minding my own business and I suddenly heard them, "Hey! There's a nearly full bottle of Oxycodone here. Why don't you take one? It won't hurt you." It was the little Oxy demons were talking to me. Totally under their spell, I complied and opened the bottle and took a pill. Then another pill and another. The next day I took 4 pills and the following day I took at least 6 (60 mg) in the matter of a couple of hours. I passed out on the bed in a daze and woke up sometime in the middle of the night and sat up and asked myself, "What the @#$* am I doing?" and passed out again until morning.

The next day I was embarrassed and back in control of my mind and kicked the little Oxy demons out of my head. They had grown much larger, but I was still able to expel them. I waited for the withdrawals to hit and they did. This time it was my back and neck that ached the worse, followed by a severe headache and other flu-like symptoms. I endured them as a reminder and payment for what I had done to myself. I allowed them to persist for two days before permitting myself the luxury of a small taste (5 mg) to stop the withdrawals, plus tackle the mounting pain in my shoulders and arm from my neck injury.

The only torn feeling I have is I still have to take the Oxy for pain. My neck injury continues to get worse with time, which causes pain in both of my shoulders to the point that I cannot raise my arms, plus other pain and numbness down my arm. The muscle relaxer and nerve meds don't seem to bring me to a point where I can fully function - they help though. Oxy is the only relief I have found that can eliminate all of the pain.

I am embarrassed for what happened, but I'm not down on myself or going through any mental strife. It happened, I caught it and I stopped it from going any further and I punished myself with withdrawals as payment.

The demons do sit and wait for the right time to jump back into your mind and try to take control. We all have to be alert to their presence and stop them before they try to take over. I'll be on the alert for them next time. This was a test for me, I failed, but I know what happened to stop it next time.

[reachout]

Hey Denon

My friend, of course I wish you had not slipped. However, I think the true measure is that you halted the slip in midstream and recognized it for what is is.

It is a difficult thing... understanding that we have a tendency to addiction and being in pain at the same time. I think that all you have learned came to the rescue for you. The tools we build in recovery will last a lifetime if we allow them to. It is hard to be in pain day after day and not wish sometimes to just block it all out for a while and sleep like a rock. I wish for that many days.

Thanks for sharing your slip. I think it helps all of us on the board to remember that no one is infallible. If we do slip, then we need to get back on that horse as soon as possible.

You are a heck of a man, Denon, in sharing the good, the bad and the ugly so openly. Sharing like this helps us all.

Love
reach

[denon]

Thank you so much Reach for your reply! Sometimes I write things not knowing the real purpose, but I believe that you captured my intent. We're not infallible and we make mistakes like other people, but our mistakes are usually drug related. I wanted to express what had happened so others may possibly learn from my mistake and look for those %$# little demons hiding in their heads.

[Secrets1983]

D,

I hear ya buddy. This situation as you know has happened to me several times and each time I felt so ashamed but I got myself back on track somehow. Your strength has been apparent for a long time on this board and you have helped a lot of us out.

I am proud of you for not letting those demons take hold and run.... You stopped them in their tracks and I am so proud of you because I know just how easy it would be to let them completely take over and you didn't.

You keep hanging in there and you and I can get thru this together sense we are struggling right now with something similar.

Blessings to you buddy!

[redrockrag]

Denon, I am so impressed with the way you handled your situation. I hope some day I can be so strong. You are a real role model for all of us who deal with managing pain without abusing the drugs we are prescribed. Congratulations are truly in order and pats on the back not mental anguish!

RR