Potty training - Is this too mean?

[CCmakes3]

I've been trying to potty train my 2 year-old for months. I know he can control his bladder and bowels, because when I let him run around naked he never has an accident -- always goes potty or tells me that he has to. But when I put a pull-up or even regular underwear on him, he poops and/or pees in it and then lies to me about it and runs away when I try to change him. He refuses to go potty at regular intervals or at my suggestion, and has a tantrum if I try to put him on it.

He is not motivated by stickers, M&M's, or other small, inexpensive things that you can afford to give a child for going potty several times a day. He has no concept of delayed gratification -- we tried a sticker chart and told him he could get a Scooby video if he got 10 stickers (we even cut out a picture of it to put on the chart), but he still refused to go potty unless he was left to run around the house naked, which I just can't let him do all the time. I even tried staying at home with him for a week straight, never leaving the house, just so he could run around naked the whole time and get used to using the potty all the time. But when I had to go back to work and put clothes on him, he just reverted back to his old habits.

Part of the problem is that he has no interest at all in parental approval or praise, even though we do praise him effusely for going in the potty and try not to make a big deal out of accidents, other than occasionally asking him to help clean up the mess. In fact, he would really rather make us angry than happy. He seems to hate the sight of me being happy, for example, when I try to sing to him or sing along with his favorite shows, he gets really angry, yells "NO, mommy!" and sometimes tries to hit me (which I do not tolerate and he gets a time out).

So anyway, regarding the potty-training, I was thinking about getting him a toy or video, wrapping it up so he doesn't know what it is, and telling him he can open it when he gets 10 stickers on his potty chart. I thought this might make the reward more tangible for him. Knowing his personality, he will probably get pissed and throw a tantrum when I don't let him open the present immediately, but in the long run, I think it could work. I could store it on top of the kitchen cabinets, where he can see it but can't reach it. My only concern is whether or not this would be too cruel for him to see the present but not be able to have it right away (I'm thinking it would take him 2-3 days to get the 10 stickers, IF he lets us put him on the potty every couple of hours). What does everyone think?????

[Greenberry]

I wouldn't even wrap the item up, so he KNOWS what it is and knows what he is missing out on. By the way, my daughter who is 2 years 7 months, often gets into a snit when I sing along with her favorite shows or whatever. That's just being a moody toddler.

I finally got my daughter mostly potty trained in the last week or two. My daughter LOVES LOVES LOVES Dora the Explorer, so I got her some Dora the Explorer underwear and told her that she was absolutely not allowed to tee-tee or poo-poo on Dora, and if she did, she couldn't wear the special Dora undies for the rest of the day, but she had to plain old white underwear. She has had a few accidents, but not many. This may sound mean, too, but I just laid down the law and told her NO MORE DIAPERS. I took the diaper stacker out of her room and hid it in the closet. I call Pull-ups, which I put on her for naps and at night "special nighttime undies" or something like that and make a big deal out of the checking the flowers or fish that get washed out if she pees in them. And I PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE, clap and cheer, jump up and down, etc. Even if your son doesn't respond outwardly, he might still like the encouragement. Good luck!

[CCmakes3]

Thanks for your input, Greenberry! Your daughter must have a stronger "moral conscience" than my son. I bought him "Bob the Builder" underwear and told that "we don't pee or poop on Bob" , but apparently he thinks that with all the crap Bob has to put up with on the show, he won't mind!

He is quite the little stinker, in more ways than one! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[Ddad26]

Hello . My wife and I also seem to have a similar problem . My son is 3 and still has to be forced to go . At daycare he goes without being told too ????? Well we had tried everything we knew including the M & M's bribe . We have however had a little bit of luck using an Egg timer . We usually try to set it at 45 minute intervals . When he hears the Egg time go off he will respond and tell us "tee tee time" but we still have to basically make him go . Iv'e never been brave enough to let him run without clothes on ( i have new carpet!) and i just know the moment we let him go naked ...he'd pee or poo . Try the egg timer to see if it helps . Will keep my fingers crossed for ya !

[CCmakes3]

That sounds like a great idea....I've heard that young kids sometimes respond better to a specific visual or auditory "cue" rather than just being told to do something, so that makes sense. Thanks!