How do you.........

[Ksavage]

Deal with grandparents that do not want to make an effort to have a realationship with your child? They want to see her at least once a week, but they expect me to do all of the traveling for them to see her. They are only avaiable on the weekdays, because they go to the lake every weekend. They live about an hour away from us and it is too hard to go to their house during the week. By the time everyone gets off of work and we get to their house it is around 7:00 pm & then after we eat supper & get back home it is usually about 11:00 at night. I have made it clear that they are welcome at our house anytime they want to see Riley, but they say that it is too hard for them to make it out here during the week.
I am at my wits end here & do not know what to do. These are the only family members that we have in the state, & I want Riley to have a realationship with them, but this is too much!
I just got my weekly phone call from my Dad & he chewed me out because he has not seen Riley in 2 weeks. I simply stated to him that the highway ran both ways & if he wants to see her, we can 1. bring her over this weekend or 2. he could come out for supper any night this week & see her. He said that I knew neither one of those was an option because they are too busy around the house during the week getting their stuff done there so they go spend the weekend at the lake. I just said that is the choice they make & I can't do anything about that. & on top of that, when we do take Riley over there, they are too busy drinking and "visiting" to spend time with her. They want to see her, but not hold & play with her. They hold her for a few minutes and tell her how big & pretty she is getting & then they are done with her.
I am just at my whits end and could use any & all advice you guys might have for me!
Thanks guys!
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Kim

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Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a GIFT, that it is why it is called the present.

[Monday1954]

Kim, I think you are absolutely right - your parents
are the ones who need to get their priorities straight.

I am assuming that they are in their late 40's or
50's - they should be able to fit in a visit to
your home at least one day per week - or they could
even skip a weekend at the lake and come by to
visit. Don't let them brow beat you into coming
over to their house during the week - stand firm.
If they really want to see their grandchild they
could sacrifice a day or two, here and there.

I know from my life now I can do many more things
at the drop of a hat than when my children were
small - and if the housework suffers I can always
do it tomorrow. The house and yard and the lake
will still be there, but your child will be grown
up before you know it.

Grandparents are very important to children - but
they also have to be willing to make some sacrifices
on their part. Decide on a day that would be
convienient for you for them to come over -
example - Mom, Tuesday evenings are a great time
for you and Dad to come visit Riley, we just
don't have time to come see you through the week.
If that's not agreeable with you, let us know what
weekends you are not going to the lake and we will
come visit you.

Don't argue, just state your position and stick to
it.

[KaysMom]

I agree with the above post. You've done nothing wrong. Its ridiculous for your parents to expect you to put forth all the effort in them establishing a relationship with your child. Stick to your guns. If they don't see her,its their fault, not yours. They could miss a trip to the lake one weekend so they can see their grandchild. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Ksavage]

Thank you so much for the support! I really need it right now. At times I do feel guilty and feel like I should do anythin possible for my daughter to know her grandparents. ESPECIALLY the ones that live right here in the same state. So this does make me feel better to know that I am not being one sided or "difficult" (as they have put it).

((((((((hugs)))))))) to you guys for makeing me feel better about my choices!

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Kim

[Djin]

No, Kim, you are not being difficult. Your parents are the ones in the wrong, here, for putting their weekly lake visit in front of visiting their grandchild. I can't believe they are being so unreasonable! I agree with what Monday said. Don't argue, but lay things on the line for them. Start trying to get them to adhere to your schedule, not the other way around. Be firm, but don't lose your temper. Don't give them any ammunition to throw back at you, or reasons to call you "difficult."

Best wishes,
Djin