Ice,xanax,High BP,Painkillers-What to do?

got2ride · 04-06-2003, 03:57 PM

I'm here so obviously I'm worried to say the least. First of all with my family history of heart problems, high blood pressure, strokes and such, it should be obvious to me to make better life decisions. I am a 40 yr. old male, married with 2 wonderful sons.
I have since roughly 1979 liked to pop pills like qualudes, valium, xanax etc. The habitual abuse really of those particular meds have not been a problem (problem="several pills at a time") for years. However, I have been through the mill on depression, panic attacks and anxiety since I turned 30. Triavil, Zoloft, Paxil, Serzone and probably a couple I can't recall. For the past 10 yr. I have been on Tenormin 50mg/day for blood pressure control. At least half of that time I have had my little love affair with the Vicodin,Lortab and other similar happy pills. Now for the first time in my life, I have really gotten myself worried about "ASSUMING ROOM TEMPERATURE" due to my latest curious endevor. Ice and crack. 6 weeks ago I actually started doing this stuff and yesterday had a tremendously bad expierence. The afforementioned Tenormin/beta-blocker med controls my heart rate. For the past 6-8 weeks me and my Dr. have been trying to get me off of the Tenormin and on to Benicar due to sexual side effects and lethargy. Without having added the Meth products, the Tenormin withdraw is an expierence. (fast heartbeat, panic feeling, up and down blood pressure, self adjusting from day to day the dosage etc.) Additionally, this all started as my wife's idea to get her a little from a friend to try. I did so and she did it for a while and I observed and did not initally think it was anything I could possibly handle. Before long a puff here and there and I have noticed that I can really kick but when I use it at work. I have lost weight that I really needed to loose and coinceidentilly on 3-4-03, I went into business with a partner and for the first time in my life am self employed. I have made a ton of money in the last 30 days and largely due to my new found energy. Sounds about right so far hu?? I am alone now for the next 6 or so days as my wife and kids have went to the beach on spring break and I sit here with my heart quivering in my chest wondering what I will do this week. I went and bought myself 20 Vicodin this morning because I am afraid to touch the ice that lay right here in front of me. You know I need the stimulation from something right?? Will I take a bump or two on monday at noon or so when I get tired or busier than I am prepared to "handle"?? Tuesday??
Will I have a massive heart attack?? The discomfort in my chest is ABSOLUTELY there. Oh but I am smart! I had the Dr. give me some more Nitro tabs just this past friday because the ones I had poured out in my little bag and were also expired.. If you read this and can possibly relate, I will hope that something will click and save me for my children's sake..

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REMEMBER; Agun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone....

GinaLee · 04-07-2003, 01:30 AM

I'm not sure what you are asking? Parts of your post almost sound like you're wanting advice on how to do your drugs and survive it.

You made a "ton of money" and I congratulate you. Kiss it goodbye while you still can. OR get some professional help. Your children are too young to lose their daddy.

I wish you well.

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Gina

got2ride · 04-07-2003, 04:56 PM

I'm not sure what I am asking. I suppose that I am more rambling and to some degree amazed that I have found myself in this situation.. That is, this "ICE" crap will sure enough talk to you and I mean almost immediately after you begin use.. One minute I am fearful of what I am doing to myself and later the same day I am wanting to do some. I took a bump of it yesterday afternoon and this was obviously after I had written my inital post, as soon as it hit me I got mad at myself and poured over a half gram in the toilet, gathered light bulbs that I had used to smoke it in, several pieces of foil, straws, baggie corners and everything I had stashed, took it outside in a plastic vaporizer tank that I had used to put it in under the sink and poured gasoline on all of it and lit it. I have some Wellbutrin that I started taking last night. According to what I read that is about as good as anything to help reduce the want or whatever.. I'm just bumbling here and am not even sure why I am participating in this website.

GinaLee · 04-07-2003, 05:57 PM

You are participating because you want to help yourself. I hope you will continue to participate too!

That took a lot of fortitude to destroy all that stuff. More guts than most actually! Congratulations! What a lovely step in the right direction. Don't stop now.

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Gina

got2ride · 04-07-2003, 11:03 PM

I actually went to get some more from someone whom I have know for years. I was telling her how i was suprised about the control this stuff has and telling her of my health concerns and expierences lately. She has been doing it straight for 3+ months straight and has had similiar experences. Somehow I feel we were drawing off of each other some sort of support and realization as what was about to happen to me and her. I am proud to say that I left it laying right there on the kitchen table and explained to her that even though I called her, set up the deal and went to get it, I need to prove to myself that IT DOES NOT HAVE ME BY THE @#!!*.. I pleaded with her to do the same. I believe that I am lucky, at least I hope will be, that I have realized the wickedness of this stuff early on and therefore have a better chance of dropping it now!!I can go for periods of time and not even think of my other vices such as the pain killers and so forth and frankly, what concerns me is that after ice, the Vicodin does not do anything for me at all. Hopefully that will be a good thing....