You definitely don't sound like a wacko! You sound just like most of us who are struggling with this nasty disease.
In re-reading my own post, I realized that i forgot a more positive conclusion...
Although I'm certainly not feeling all that great mentally while being clean right now, and still admittedly miss the feeling of the pills, I do have faith and hope that life can and will get better. I have seen so many people who have maintained years of sobriety, and more importantly, are happy and functional and have peace in their lives.
This is definitely what we all want, and I do believe that it is possible without the pills. There are people on this board who have much more clean time than I have ever been able to amass (my record has only been just over six months) and they have also attested to that life can be good again, if you stick with whatever program works for you.
It's hard to believe that at times, god knows it is for me...but I've seen it so often, and from people who have stories just like all of us, that I know it is possible.
I have to believe that there is happiness, and peace and *life* after pills, or what good is stopping? And it is my hope, and faith that one day we'll all reach that point where we truly are happier without using then we ever were when we were using.
I've heard people say this before many times..."Misery is optional" and I do believe it. Often I have to force myself out of my own pity parties. I actually keep a written "gratitude" list and add to it daily to remind myself of all that I have in my life that is good. I write down the big things as well as the small, simple things too. for example, today I wrote that I was grateful for being able to see the sunshine and feel the anticipation of fall in the air. I was also grateful to stop behind a school bus as the children got off, and to see leaves floating down from the sky. Just a cool scene that made me smile. It's been my experience that sometimes you have to find happiness in the simplest of things, and then hold onto that.
I look at all of my friends who are not addicts (I've heard people in meetings call them "earth people" he he he
) and they all are able to be happy and productive, and deal with the ups and downs of life without using drugs, so I know its possible. I think it's harder for us, because we have some faulty wiring in our brains, combined with some faulty coping skills...so we have to work harder at it, but I also like to believe that just means that when we accomplish our goals, the satisfaction is that much greater because we also know the alternative.
Just have faith that your life can be good, and actually much better, without the pills. Believing in that is the first step.
And about the smileys...I don't know how to get the fancy ones others use, I just type in a colon followed by an end paranthesis and it magically turns into a graphic when the posting comes up. The wonders of technology!
As they say in the meetings...keep coming back! You have found a place where people understand you and have the same feelings that you do. I know that you, and I, and all the rest of us, can find happiness without pills that will exceed our wildest expectations. I don't know if you have ever come across any of the AA/NA literature, but there is a section in the AA "big book" called The Promises...I wish I had my copy handy right now, but I don't. It's a great thing to read...tomorrow I'll post it as a positive thought for everyone. But if you get your hands on the book before i post it, check it out. It always gives me a little bit of serenity when I'm feeling badly.
Hi LVgal
Linear Mode
