back in the downward spiral, why's it so hard

pez · 09-20-2003, 02:38 PM

well I tried very hard to take all of your advice. I even swallowed the harsh words from those who appear to have kicked thier habit. I flushed my remaining vicprofen down the toilet and prepared for the worst. It came, I handled it but then caved in and called my doctor. The pain was excrutiating, which is why I started to begin with. Does anyone else out there think that some of us will be dependant on pain killers for life? If you think about it, people who are depressed are put on anti-depressants for life and no one bats an eye. I'm in real pain, but I've let my consumption get the better of me. 20 pills a day, I'm sad to report, but I can't function on less. I don't get a 'buzz' that people talk about, I simply can walk, sit and go about my day. I've bucked the notion of going on oxy at my doctor's request because I don't want to exchange one evil for another when this one does what I need. I don't understand why there is such a stimga tied to this? Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just the way I feel today but I'm tired of thinking about this every day of my life. I'm sick of the self imposed "addict" title I label myself with......

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kennyseven · 09-20-2003, 03:08 PM

I have been taking methadone for 32 years. I have a wonerful life with a great job and a loving family. Methadone allows me to live a normal life. I suffer no bad side-effects and I appear to be as normal as everyone else because I am. I have never nodded out head first into my supper. Despite all this there are many people who would say that I am just substituting one drug for another and that it is just a crutch and that I am weak. So what? I am not out in the streets shooting heroin, holding up people or robbing banks, am I? No, I am living a perfectly normal suburban life.
Will I be on methadone for the rest of my life? Of course. Does that bother me? Not in the least. Why on earth would I stop something that works? Does the diabetic say "okay the insulin works so I guess Ill stop taking it now?" Hardly. Well Im in the same boat. If I stopped taking my medication I would relapse for sure. And I am not about to do that. All I have to do is take me medication once a day and I am fine. I have no idea why people find that so repugnent. I am hurting no one and improving my life and the life of my loved ones immensely.I just dont get it. I guess people just arent happy unless you are doing exactly what they tell you to do. Even if they are dead wrong.

kennyseven

chefob1 · 09-20-2003, 03:15 PM

ill be on medication for awhile too boss....am on 50mg of methadone also for chronic back pain/addiction....ive tried bupenorphine,c/t,all of the above,ect,ect,ect......people do become opiate free but you really have to put your mind to it...no excuses,no relapses.....you are searching for that feeling youll never find again....opiates work like crack when it comes to first highs...your brain gets hooked and keeps lookin for that exact feelin....be strong/edify yourself and set goals...one day it will happen.........chef

Allycat · 09-21-2003, 12:31 AM

Pez--you know, its a hard question to answer. I to wish they would consider opiates the same as the antidepressants. But it wouldnt matter Id abuse that too. Its just not acceptabe to take 20 pills, pez. Im right there with you girl, I down 10 at a time and I know its wrong. I dont get a buzz I just get normal. Well, now Im out, after doc shopping all freaking week and it just isnt a way of life I care to live. I will have 30 more monday and 40 mor wed. but you know what....SO WHAT? Right now I have the runs and Im sneezing and my eyes are watering every 5 sec. as well as every I mean EVERY muscle in my body is yelling for some hydro. Anyway, if your asking if you should stay on 20 vicoprophen, no, you shouldnt. If you're asking what you should do....I SO WISH I KNEW. I'd be doing it. Take care, Pez....you havent been posting much and I want you to be free of the **** too!

willow123 · 09-21-2003, 11:15 AM

people who are in pain do deserve& have the right to be pain free, i am an addict an cancer survivor contstant pain thru adhesions from 3 surgeries and where i had to pee thru a catheter for years because they had to cut cancer off my bladder, i have pain every day and if i had 60 pain pills a day i would take them, if i had a morphine a bottle would be gone that day too, fentayl patches i ate them, if i was given oxys i chewed em up poof, if i tried to take enough for my pain i couldnt if i put 1 in my sytem i need 29 more in 5 minutes, i hurt everyday i can not handle the meds myself and if i asked some one to dole them out id probably beat the **** out of them if they didnt give me more when i wanted them, ive worked with pain mngmt specialists etc ,ive been honest and lied but i can not control the addiction one to me leads to 50, or more a day, i dont know what to say for you if YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR MEDS JUST FOR PAIN, then you should take them to control your pain, no one needs to suffer, i live with my pain because i CAN NOT control the meds and on days when i have no pain i still want medication, i was an addict before my pain and i am still one with no strength,