I'm just at the beginning of this road myself, so I won't be the most helpful person you'll hear from. My husband was just diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers (he's 59) within the last two months, and we're still making appointments, researching, etc. One of the things we've done is changed doctors, since our first neurologist was an extremely poor communicator. We couldn't get any information from him, and with 3 kids - one only 11 years old - we really needed to know as much as possible about what to expect.
There could be a few things going on here. First, Aricept is an Alzheimer's drug. The package insert tells the patient about this. Your mother may know a lot more about her illness than she has told you. Second, the doctor may be a poor communicator. I don't understand what the problem is, but we've had real difficulties in getting doctors to talk about Alzheimers. Even our family doctor, who has always talked to us about illnesses in the past, seems very hesitant to say anything about this illness. The doctors seem embarrassed, or afraid that we'll be angry/confrontative. We've noticed that our doctors talk to me instead of my husband, even though he's only in the early stage. Third, the new health privacy laws have made it very difficult for doctors to speak to family members without the patient's authorization.
I suggest that you and your mother make an appointment to review her medical situation with her doctor. She should give each doctor a written waiver for you to talk to him/her. You need to do some research and start to become prepared for the changes that will occur. If your Mother had cancer or heart disease, you would get learn about her illness and get ready for emergencies. The deterioration of a parent is frightening, and the loss of a parent is heartbreaking. Learning about her illness and helping her may give you a feeling of having a little control over it, and you will be in a better position to help. Determine whether there's a local Alzheimer's Center, University program or other local resource that might provide your both you & your mother with assistance and guidance.
You & your mother also need to take care of some legal issues as soon as possible. My husband and I met with an elder care attorney for an hour (well worth the $260 we were charged), and reviewed our situation. Some of the things that your mother may need to into place are a will, a living will, and a power of attorney if she hasn't already taken care of them.
You will also need to have details about her living situation, so you can determine at what point changes may need to be made. If there's any question of competency, the elder care attorney can help you determine what else you can do to ensure that there will be a competent decision maker looking our for your mother's interests.
It has been helpful to keep a running checklist of things that I need to take care of, and then to strike them off when they're done. It seeming very overwhelming at the beginning, but I look at my checklist and realize that I'm making progress in getting things in order.
Finally, most importantly, your Mother is probably very scared. Keep hugging her and telling her that you love her and will be with her through this journey, just as you would if she was going through another serious illness. She's not alone and she doesn't have to face this illness by herself.
Accepting the illness gets easier. I'm still very, very scared too, but it's amazing how much strength we have for our loved ones.
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