rough day and more

[whiskey]

I really really hate myself and my life around it. I do not want to hate this bipolar II or this liver disease I want to eat what I want when I want. I want to feel better about everything in my life and I hate not knowing I will never end up being the way I want to be. I am only 36 eyars old I should be able to do things for more than 15minutes at a time for GOD sake I can't even go to the store without having a panic attack. I have to take to major amounts of meds even to get sleep and then I have nightmares all night. I hate my husband he does not support me he totally does not believe in mental illness to says it's a cope out. when I need him the most he leaves so he doesn't have to see how I am to me thats a cope out. My 13 year old is in the attitude thing that she hates me and leave her alone. And to top it of I know how I will die (by suicide)
I know most people know how they will die truck drivers wrecks, pilots plane crashes, sky jumpers there parachute fails ,bungie jumper bungie snaps, I mean it not that hard to figure out. it's just a matter of time before I just snap and don't come out of a episode. Yes I know all the lines get help I am supposed to call the local mental health the one that when I call they tell me to find something to do, go to the hospital ya right they call my hospital casketview for a reason. everyone says hay woo hoo you got disability at 35 how do you rate. I tell ya I wish I could be doing what it took me 7 years of college for a 4 year degree the spend my days in the court room representing children who were abused as I was as a child. And know I am too damn sick and messed up because of what my parents did to me And some actually dares say have a merry christmas.

[wobbly]

Oh, whiskey, my heart goes out to you. It really does suck feeling that way. Having to cope with bipolar is big enough burden by itself, even without the other problems you mentioned. But please don't commit suicide. Even though it seems attractive, can I tell you that it is a fact that most people who attempt suicide survive, and often in worse shape than before they attempted? You don't want that on top of everything else. There must be something you can live for, if not your husband and your daughter then your friends, your faith, or even this board. You give such great advice and support here, and you would surely be missed.
And think what it would do if you committed suicide at Christmas. How many people would be feeling such grief, and how every year afterward, their Christmases would suck because they remembered losing you at that time of year.
And I know it sounds yadda yadda, but if you're feeling that close to suicide, then yes, get help. If you don't want to go to the hospital, can you call your local counseling hotline to at least have someone to talk to? I have done this in the past and they have been very helpful for me.
Hope this helps. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

[u2fran]

Whiskey, I am sorry to hear that you are having so many problems. My heart feels for you. Please don't give up! You are such a strong person to be dealing with such problems. I will be praying for you ..

[HoosierBj]

Our battles are a relative thing with Bipolar Disorder aren't they? I don't think we acknowledge our victories enough because we don't recognize them for what they are:
Have you..

1) Gotten out of bed when you just couldn't?
2) Lived just one more day without totally giving up?

Then you are stronger than some of the so-called "normal folk" out there who do not have a CLUE what it takes to live with this disease...
You are to be congratulated, patted on the back and cared about by many people right here and now.
Just for drawing breath.
Just for being YOU.

[bip69]

Hey Whiskey - I have not been on in a while, and one of the things that drove me back to the boards was to check on you. I know where are you and where you are coming from. Do me a favor and tell me the meds and amounts you are on currently

Thanks