New to this board..need support

[stayhomemom]

Good morning all...I've been lurking on this board and finally have the courage to post...i need help...it's as simple as that. I will apologize in advance if this is too long, but I feel the need to get it out and write it down to help me see the damage I'm doing. I've been taking hydrocodone off and on for several years but in the past 2 years it has gotten out of hand. I now take anywhere from 5-10 10/500 mgs a day. Today is the day that I will start weaning. I'm so scared. It is consuming my life. I have an amazing husband, so amazing that I wouldn't even know where to start...he truly is unbelieveable. I also have 2 beautiful and amazing children. They are perfect in every way. I'm having a continual love affair w/my family. I still don't have the heart to tell my husband because I don't want to dissapoint him, even though I know he would be my biggest and best cheerleader. My addiction got out of hand after the birth of my daughter 2 1/2 years ago and it escalated after the death of my mother. She was very young (58) and it has devastated me. I've been in a hydro fog ever since.

I'm a stay at home mom and love my children. My friends and family would be absolutely SHOCKED if they knew that lil ol me was running around in a drug induced state. I'm ashamed and embarrassed. I have to get through this w/out anyone knowing. My shoulders are already aching just thinking about the w/d's. So far, I haven't had a pill(s) since I took 3 7.5/750 while at the movies yesterday w/my son. They don't even produce a buzz anymore and I am so continually nauseous that just looking at food makes me dry heave.

I have a bottle of about 40 7.5/750 and I plan to start weaning today. I have some envelopes and I plan to divide the pills until the last envelope only holds half a pill. I have some xanax that my doctor gave me after my mother died and I am hoping this will help with the w/d's.

I'm so afraid of dying young. My mother died from complications of her liver (heart & kidney failure) and my aunt had a liver transplant 6 years ago..obviously the docs think bad liver runs in the family...you see my dilemma. I am a small person by nature and I don't weigh a whole lot. My friends always tease that I'll blow away in the wind so I know the amount I'm taking is doing so much harm..... I've tried weaning before and WAS SO CLOSE. For me I think it is the physical w/d's that hurt more than the mental. I am hoping this will be an advantage for me.

Wow...sorry for rambling. I'm just reaching out for support and I've been reading so many posts and they have been such salvation for me....thank you all!

Hello, Im in about the same boat. 3 year user, hydrocodone, percocet, darvacet. Im on day 2 with out any drugs. Lavander baths help me alot. I never tried weening as I never had an adequate supply of the pills. Like you, 3 hydros dont do anything for me anymore. Hang in there, try warm baths, and try to concentrate on other things. I hope some of the better informed people post here to help you more. Like you, I cant tell my wife about this. We have 2 little hirls and are very happily married, but im just to ashamed to tell her. Try to sleep as much as you can also. Take care and God Bless you....fm512

[stayhomemom]

FM...thank you for your kind words. I read your post and my heart goes out to you as well....I think this board is amazing and the support from everyone here will get us through. I know what you mean about not taking some pills for a couple months at a time. It all just snowed balled for me. I remember only taking the pills on weekends and only in the evening...then I progressed to during the week and then during the day and then....ultimately taking them in the morning. I still haven't taken any today and I feel really good about that. Almost a "natural" high, if you will. The willpower to say no. I'm getting ready to run on the treadmill and then take a hot bath. I'm hoping this will help. Keep in touch....my best to you....

[John 3:16]

SHM,

Reading your post was like reading my own story. I am the stay home mom of three five and under and a wonderful husband and like you, after the birth of my second child, I began abusing hydro's. He had colic and was a very sickly baby- never slept and I had a sixteen month old on top of that. I began having horrific headaches and before I knew it...I was addicted. My habit was alot worse than yours...I got up to 25 a day, so start weaning NOW as it only gets worse! I eventually had to tell my family and am now on subutex (a drug that helps opiate addictions) but am wanting to come off that as I am hearing that it is just as addicting and hard to come off of unless you use it for lifetime maintenance- which I don't want to do. I just want to be normal again. My heart goes out to you as I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am the "perfect" little stay-home-mom, church going, PTO mommy, etc. and who would have ever thought I would end up like I am- a drug addict. I brings tears to my eyes to even say that. My prayers are with you and please post me if you just want to talk,

Michelle

[Philster2003]

StayMom;

I'm tied up until later tonight but I successfully tapered (not fun) and maybe I can help you out or maybe you don't need my help lol. Is the 40 7.5's all you have? What on avg have you been taking over the last week or so? Talk to you later and we are here for you!

phil