My Mother has declined fast in the last several months

[Bamabrneyes2]

My mother was 80 years old in April. She has been in the Nursing Home close to me for four years. There is no history of AD in my family but mama was going to 5 or more doctors getting prescription medication and when my daughter called me she had gone to toxic levels with her medications and was hallucanating. Both my children are married and have yound families of their own and live 80 miles from me and I couldn't place the care of my mama in their hands and my younger sister didn't want the responsibility so we moved her to the nursing home here. She was also diagnosised with front lobe brain damage from abusing precription medication. They said she had developed dementia which is AD. She has been on anti depressant all her life as long as I can remember and would have an ailment to get medication to hide from life. It is so sad she has always depended on someone else to make decisions for her. My daddy was abusive towards her and she just stayed in it and never wanted more out of life. Two years ago the doctor told me that mama was progressing and there was nothing more they could do. She would go into bouts of depression like and would come out of it, but since last March I have seen a steady decline. I was able to take her to a family reunion of her brothers and sisters and other relatives last April but can no longer take her out of the Nursing home now. Two months ago she kept falling with out any bruises. She started staying up all night like sundowning. Three weeks ago she told me I didn't come and see her that she went to visit her sisterin law and brotherinlaw and they have been dead for years. she would tell the nurses that I hadn't been there. In the last recent weeks she has lost weight, has become very agitated, hollering someone help me, thinks it's Halloween and everyone is getting off to decorate. She hasn't slept hardly at all. The doctor and started her on Ativan and she was still so agitated that that she also had to be put on Zyprexa to help calm her agitated state. She still recognizes me but this past Monday she thought my son and I was there to carry her to church and she tried to get out of her Gerry Chair with a velcro buddy board to go with us and then she tried to pull her clothes off in the Day room. She no longer watches tv or wants to get her hair fixed She has bruised her arm trying to go over the rails in her bed and get out of the buddy board because she was so agitated. It breaks my heart to see her like this I cry everytime I see her and want to do something to bring her back to be the mama that loved the Lord and loved to go to church and see her Grandchildren and play with them. She is no longer there for that now and the doctor says she won't come back this time. It is so heartbreaking and there is nothing you can do to bring them back. Please visit your parents often and do things with them and live each day as it was there last. I can't bring mama back and it is tearing me apart I don't know what else to do. It is so hard to handle I didn't realize that AD progressed as fast as it did. She use to be a sweet little lady and enjoyed arts and crafts and her visits in my home and I even miss her arguing with my 8 year like siblings. They would even fuss over who was going to sit in the front see of the car. How do you cope How do you handle seeing your only surviving parent detoriate like this and what can you do?

[gizmolove]

Your story just breaks my heart. Sweetheart, I've been there. A lot of us have. It is so very hard to watch the one's that we love, loose their minds and slip away from us. Sometimes it is so very slowly that the hurt and the pain of the relationship and the collorateral damage that this causes, far foreshadows the diagnosis of the disease itself. Sometimes by then the relationship is all but severed because of the personal damage caused to the relationship by the actions of the AD sufferer. You have the forsight and the love needed to realise that your mom's actions is the result of a diseased mind, and not of HER making.

Just as we would all want to keep our children from pain, be it physical or mental; so do we also want to take the pain from our aging parents. And, I can't even imagine the hell that your dear mom has had to endure all of her life in order to get permanent brain damage in order to try and to escape a tortured life.

It must just break your dear heart in two, to watch this horror before your eyes and not to be able to help in any way, her suffering and her pain.

The only thing that any of us can do at a time like this is to pray. To try to find comfort in what ever religious beliefs that we hold dear. To be there to hold your mom's hand, whether she knows that you are there or not. Sometimes, to be there especially when she doesn't know you are there, or even if it is YOU.
You will know that you are there for her. You can be with her to hold her hand and to reassure her that you love her, and that she is cared for dearly and deeply.

Peace and Love be with you always,
And hugs to you and to your mom,
And tears for you both; but much
Joy and Happiness too,
For the love that you both still have for each other.

Gizmo

[Bamabrneyes2]

It is really hard to see all this happen the Zyprexa and Ativan has helped to calm her down but she is still in the past. They called me the other morning and she had gotten out of bed and was sitting in the floor laughing and talking to someone. They call if it could possibly be a fall, but there were no bruises or scrapes and just wanted to reassure me she was fine. I went and saw her later on and she thought it was Mother's Day the following Sunday and they were painting some of the rooms and she said they were getting rid of the stuff and I needed to see what I wanted. They were just painting the walls but I agreed with her and told her ok. They took her out of the Gerry chair and put her in a wheelchair and have put a soft wrap around her waist to keep her in the wheelchair. She was brusing her skin too much trying to fight her way out of the Gerry Chair. She seems more calm in the wheel chair. She has Frontolobe Dementia and all I can do is visit as often as I can and love her and just sit and listen. She still recognizes me but that's all. Please continue to pray for me and my Mother. Thanks and God Bless

[Franklin K. Casel]

Sorry your mother has Alzheimer's and is deteriorating so fast. It is my feeling that far
more important than medicine is the matter of making her feel loved and still important.
It is not how much you love but it is how much she feels loved. If you can do that for her
she will settle down and escape some of the agitation and terrible things that happens to
Alzheimer's victims. Validate her reality and do not to try to change it. Help her to live in
the past where she can still relate. Remind her of the good things of which she can be
proud. Have the nurses and aides do the same. All of you remember the 10 Absolutes.

The 10 Absolutes of Caregiving
for Alzheimer’s Patients
__________________________

Never ARGUE, instead, AGREE.
Never REASON, instead, DIVERT.
Never SHAME, instead, DISTRACT.
Never LECTURE, instead, REASSURE.
Never “REMEMBER,” instead, REMINISCE.
Never “I TOLD YOU,” instead, REPEAT.
Never “YOU CAN’T,” instead, “DO WHAT YOU CAN.”
Never COMMAND OR DEMAND, instead ASK OR MODEL.
Never CONDESCEND, instead, ENCOURAGE OR PRAISE.
Never FORCE, instead, REINFORCE

(Jo Huey, Greater New Odlenes Patient and Family Service)
Keep faith and God bless
Franklin

[Sallen]

Thank you, Franklin. Those are 'rules' I think all of us with aging parents should take to heart. I am the caregiver for my mother, and her decline is occuring gradually....very mild as yet, but still very sad to see. The only thing we can do is take care of them as best we can. Being a caregiver is one of the most difficult 'jobs' any of us ever have to face. Remember to take care of yourself as well, sweetie... you and your Mother will be in my prays....