Newly diagnosed - I'm so overwhelmed...

[CarylAnna]

Last week my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease. The irony is that for ten years we have kidded her about her forgetfulness and scatterbrained ways. Suddenly the joke isn't funny anymore. When my mother called to tell me the news, I felt as if I was hearing my grandmothers death sentence that would be carried out slowly and painfully over the next several years. I thought "God, this is worse than cancer. At least with cancer there is hope of a cure." I felt so guilty because Mimi and I haven't always gotten along. We are so much alike and even though I love her dearly I've always been easily vexed by her sometimes eccentric behavior. Now I just want to be around her every day. She lives three hours away with my granddad and their relationship poses yet another obstacle. Pop hasd always struggled with clinical depression. Theyve been married for over 55 years but I wouldnt say happily married. He's very mean to her sometimes . He gets frustrated like we all do and im not sure he can handle this disease. The last thing she'll need to hear if shes wandered off or left the supper to burn is that shes foolish and stupid and cant do anything right. I just love her so much. I'm 21 and struggling to support myself. My mother is newly married and we both live 3 hours away from my grandparents. If I'm lucky I may be able to arrange to make the trip to see Mimi once a month. But if it progresses quickly that means I may only see my grandmother 12 times more before she forgets me. Im so at a loss as to how to feel or what to say to support her. ive read about the support groups and the medications. Shes being so strong. "I'm not going to have alzheimers. I'm gonna beat this thing." Thats what she said last weekend. God I hope shes right.
Im sorry for rambling. It's just that I watched my other grandmother die from a distance while I was a way at college. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw her during the course of her short illness. then she was gone. I dont think I could handle losing mimi like that. I cant imagine what this is going to be like...watching her decline. singing to her and her not remembering my voice - thinking im just some stranger.
Im mainly just writing this to vent but im open to advice. If anyone has any to offer please do so. and thank you all for reading this.

Caryl in Alabama

[Franklin K. Casel]

Your concern for your grandmother is commendable. Your grandfather neds to have some understanding as to just wat is happening to her and his need to help her feel loved and still important. He must learn that she is not to be blamed for any of her thoughts or actions. If he is not going to be able to do that she had better come to live with you or your mother. If your grandfather could remember the 10 absolutes it might work there.
The 10 Absolutes of Caregiving
for Alzheimer’s Patients
__________________________

Never ARGUE, instead, AGREE.
Never REASON, instead, DIVERT.
Never SHAME, instead, DISTRACT.
Never LECTURE, instead, REASSURE.
Never “REMEMBER,” instead, REMINISCE.
Never “I TOLD YOU,” instead, REPEAT.
Never “YOU CAN’T,” instead, “DO WHAT YOU CAN.”
Never COMMAND OR DEMAND, instead ASK OR MODEL.
Never CONDESCEND, instead, ENCOURAGE OR PRAISE.
Never FORCE, instead, REINFORCE

(Jo Huey, Greater New Odlenes Patient and Family Service) FKC
Keep faith and God bless
Franklin


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franklin K. Cassel

[Jim]

Hi Caryl;

I have a little idea of what you are going through with your grandmother, Iam 64 and my mother is going on 99, the doctors will not idmit that she has alzheimers, but do say that she has a problem with her thinking. She lives with me, and my wife, and is always upsetting us by accusing my wife of takeing things out of her room when she never will go in there anymore. Mom has never "misplaced anything, or made a mistake of any kind" she will never admit to anything, it is never her fault as to any of her actions.

Now that I am the only one around to put the blame on (the wife does not talk to her any more if she can help it) she has started on me, like saying "you took all my underware and if you don't give them back I will call the police". I just go and get her a new set, I have bought a supply. The next week she will say "where did all this underware come from they are not mine" I take them and wash them and hand them out when the cycle starts over again. This problem is with all her clothes , shoes , handbag, etc. I dare not say anything because she will yell at me saying "you think I am crazy, you are the one that has lost your mind" when all I would say is, I think you are mistaken, or look in your room again, or don't worry it will turn up. It is so frustrating that I want to yell back something, but I know from experiance that it does not help to solve the problem. All we can do is take one day at a time, and hope that things don't get any worse.

I think the best advise that I have seen so far is the list of actions-replys that Franklin Casel has posted, I will print them out and try to follow them.

Thanks Mr. C. Jim