What Can I Say to My Mom??

[SciTeach]

My mother (80 yrs old) is in the late middle stages of Alzheimers. Her short term memory is shot. She starts to tell me something that happened and can't do it.

The problem is, she is aware that she can't remember. She doesn't understand why she can't. She calls herself "stupid". She'll say she "can't even talk any more". I try to keep it light and tell her not to talk bad about my Mom. Sometimes that makes her laugh.

More often now, she will say "I just don't understand what's wrong". I try to tell her she has an illness, sometimes I even use the term Alzheiimers, but that doesn't mean anything to her. If I say she has a brain illness she says, "but it can't be THAT bad." And goes back to saying that she is stupid.

I feel so bad for her. She KNOWS that her mind is going. I always thought that AD patients didn't really realize that they were getting worse. But they do!!!

What can I say to Mom? I am patient with her...I don't try to rush her, we have even turn it in to a guessing game...usually I can fill in her blanks. But she STILL thinks it's because SHE'S stupid. Any suggestions on the "magic words" to make her feel better would be appreciated. Or is there anything I can do????

It really breaks my heart when she goes on like this.

Thanks in advance.

SciTeach

[johnemcg]

What you need to do first is check what drugs the Dr's have her taking. See If any of them are statin drugs like lipitor, zocor. These drugs will cause memory loss no matter what the press says. There's a press release out that statin drugs help with alzheimer's. tust me it doesn't. These drugs will cause memroy loss even complete memory blackouts. I had this happen to me.

[bare4winds]

Have you looked at the book " The 36 hour Day"? It's great and very helpful on getting you through the hell that's down the road. Good Luck! Rick

[Mace]

My wife and I went through this with her father and mother. They tried to cover up and stopped telling us stories and answering any questions with a straight answer. Standard answer was "you know that already". Your mother is being more straight forward with you than they were with us.

This is a phase and as the disease progresses it won't get better. The suggestion you read some books and articles is a great one. You won't be caught off guard as the phases change, you'll also be better prepared to handle your mother.

Don't stop talking to her as an adult, I'm told that slows the Alzheimer's progress.

Good Luck, God Bless, Mace

[Snugbug]

You are so Lucky that your mom can still talk to you.. My mom in her 50's started saying she had CRS... Can't Remember S---... The when she hit 60 and it got worse.. she was still able to talk and walk until she was 70 and now she smiles at her kids when she see us and we can tell she is happy we are there... But she can't think enough to put words together at all... She doesn't know our names and can only say one, two, three.. When I look at her I see my Mom but she isn't really there... She tries to do things and at times I think she tries to tell me things that are wrong ... but it is so hard knowing she is telling me something and cannot communicate... ENJOY THE STAGE YOUR MOM IS IN.... IT IS SO GRATIFING THAT SHE CAN UNDERSTAND AND RESPOND AT THIS POINT... Good Luck