Coloscopy & LEEP

[txcoolchic]

I went in for my annual pap on Jan 6th and the doctor said she saw something "funny" on my cervix and wanted to take a biopsy. Well, my pap came back clear, but my biopsy came back as severe cervical dysplasia. My doctor now has me scheduled for a coloscopy & LEEP on the 29th. I am absolutely terrified about these procedures and I feel emotionally dead. I went through some sexual abuse earlier in my life and completely freak out about anyone looking at me or touching me. I'm trying to deal with this the best I can, but I'm having an extremely difficult time. I'm so stressed out that I get very little sleep & my appetite is pretty well gone. I asked my doctor if I could have something to help me calm down & sleep, but she refused to give me anything. Is there anyone else out there that has been through sexual abuse and then had to deal with these procedures? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[SDCNC]

Fortunately, I have never experienced any sexual abuse but I can tell you that you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about with these procedures. I just had the LEEP last week and was amazed at how painless and quick it was...and I'm not just telling you that to make you feel better. Make sure you follow what the doctor tells you to do and try and find somebody to discuss your issues with to help you. I too asked my doctor for some valium b/f the procedure b/c I was so freaked out but he wouldn't prescribe any. Afterwards, I can see why...you don't need it. It feels like a papsmear that just takes a few minutes longer. This is really an emotional issue for all of us so don't feel like you are alone. As soon as I was diagnosed with Mod. Dysplasia I swear I was consumed with it for about a month...I lived & breathed dysplasia info...I was a worried & depressed mess. But believe me, it does get better. I think it sinks in and then you just start dealing with it as best you can. Good luck and make sure to keep asking questions!

[PaNik5717]

txcoolchic:

Here is a thread that is all about me.
[url]http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=25058&highlight=panik57 17[/url]

And here is another one:
[url]http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=25085&highlight=kaesle[/url]

You will see from these that you are not alone. I have to say that I am doing much better than I was back then, sometimes. I haven't had any added therapy except for this board. I met Willow and Reze and they were here to listen any time I needed them. Typing out all of my feelings has been a big step. I went to therapy all last Spring and I still have the bills, but my therapist never made me feel. Having cervical dysplasia did make me feel. And, instead of a journal, I have used this forum to get it all out there.

You have been through the pap and the biopsies very recently. How did it go? I can tell you that it does not get worse than that. Can you bring yourself to type it all out and what it felt like - physically and emotionally? You can type it here and hit send or not. Reliving that experience which can feel like a major violation can help you prepare yourself to go through it again.

I am sorry your doc wouldn't give you anything to relax. I know many doctors have. Call back and explain - does the doc know your full history? I know mine has forgotten on occasion and I had to remind him how I ended up in his office so often and how he needed to treat me. If your doc is reminded of your sensitivity and still won't give you anything to help you relax, maybe you should look for a new doc. I know it isn't easy to let a new person in, but it may be necessary for your mental health.

We are all here when you need us...

Hugs,
Nicole

[txcoolchic]

SDCNC & PaNik5717:

Thanks so much for the responses. It helps so much to have a support group that knows where you're coming from.

Yes, I did the pap & biopsy on Jan 6th. It was more emotionally hard than physically. It took everything I had to even go in for my annual. When it's over, all I want to do is go home and shower because I feel so dirty, nasty & violated. My sexual abuse was back in 1991 and I was really hoping to begin to deal with it, but at times like these my feelings just seem to intensify.

I hear that the LEEP is actually not too bad, but that the coloscopy is torture. Is this true? I hear that the vinegar solution they use burns like hell.

Another fear I'm facing is I have a huge needle phobia. I'm absolutely terrified of feeling the needle from the shot.

I'm just so tired of being stressed out. I get very little sleep and I have to make myself eat. My whole body just aches. My period barely started & then stopped immediately. I'm sure it's from stress. I'm just physically & emotionally wore out and I'm so tired of crying all the time. My doctor does know my history, but not in total detail. She still refuses to give me anything to help me relax. She did tell me that I could bring my cd player & headphones in to help drown out the sounds of the equipment. Is it true that there is also a smell of burning flesh?

Thanks again for the replies. I truly appreciate them.

Hugs,
txcoolchic

[PaNik5717]

Hey txcoolchic,

If your doc did a biopsy when you had the pap smear, you have been through the worst. That is the part of the colposcopy that hurts.

I can tell you that my mom was distracting me and I didn't feel the needle at all. Some women think it hurts, but the pain will be gone as soon as the numbing agent inside the shot kicks in.

Listening to soothing music may help. Sometimes, my doc will explain each step to me and it might be alarming if you are listening to music when you are feeling them insert the speculum, etc. It is reassuring to have the warning.

As for the smell, some people notice it and some don't. Many docs use something to ventilate and suck out the smoke.

Have you talked to your doc about having this done in the hospital with you being put to sleep? Many women have it done that way and it might help you. If you keep bugging your doc and reminding her of how terrified you are, perhaps she will re-think things.

Otherwise, keep asking questions and venting. The anticipation is often the hardest part.

Nik