I get so damn emotional starting the few days before and the first couple days of my period. It puts such a strain on the relationship between me and my boyfriend. I feel like he's going to leave me, or cheat on me, or that he doesn't love me anymore. All of these things are so not true! He'd never cheat on me, he loves me dearly, and he's not going to break up with me. We have excellent communication and have addressed all of these issues many times.
We have been together about a year. I'll get sad and look at old notes we used to write eachother in the early months of the relationship, and get even sadder because we never write those notes to eachother anymore. Or i'll look at pictures of us looking so happy early on. It's funny, i'm saying "early on" when those days really weren't that long ago.
So maybe subconsciously i'm always missing that 'new relationship' excitement that we shared, but it mainly comes out during PMS and my period. I'm not exactly sure what i'm asking from writing this thread, maybe just venting. But i am very disappointed that i allow myself to be sad when we have such a great relationship. I want to feel how we did a year ago.
But i know that, for a relationship to mature, so must the people involved in the relationship. For the first 6 months we were together almost constantly, and it was great. We simply didn't get sick of eachother. The past few months though, he has wanted a lot more time to himself and to hang out with his friends. Maybe that's where part of my problem is. I don't really have a group of friends and never really have. I do have some friends, but prefer hanging out with myself. This doesn't usually bother me, but sometimes i feel the pressure to hang out with others just because he hangs out with others. Also lately, i am finding myself comparing myself to other girls and being paranoid that he is checking them out. I should probably hang out with friends more. My boyfriend and i were friends for a long time before getting together, and our relationship has continued to be based on friendship. So maybe i have been depending on him too much and need to reconnect with some females. There is something very rewarding about being around females, because we understand exactly where we are coming from. The more i think about this, the more i think i need to call up some friends! Also, sometimes i won't answer the phone when he's calling. I do this because i don't want him to think that i'm always available or depending on him for all my entertainment. I'll feel bad for doing it and miss him, but i do it because i want him to miss me. Man that sounds pathetic.
Even though i love to just hang out with myself, i think its hurting my self-esteem more than anything. Sometimes friends will call but i'll avoid them because the idea of having to go out makes me anxious and uncomfortable. Wow, somehow just typing this is making it all so clear to me (AND i'm premenstrual!) Now that's an accomplishment. lol.
On another note, could it possibly be the birth control pills (Alesse) i've been taking since last May? I'm wondering if they are affecting my hormones negatively? A friend of mine uses Alesse as well. She brought up the subject of, "God, i never used to get so moody until i started taking those pills!", without me even bringing it up.
Ok, so this whole post may be a bit confusing, but overall, i would just like some ideas on how to defeat PMS and remind myself that things aren't really as horrible as they may be seeming. Thanks for listening!
I have never heard of perimenstrual dysphoria, or is that the same as PMS? Either way, i'll look into it more. I might also look into switching birth control pills. 
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