Dad can't care for Mom

[Snooks]

Hi everyone, I am a distance caregiver (only child) of a mom who has AD and a dad who just can't do it all, but won't accept help either. Long story short - the AAA met with us last week and told them that he must accept some help; otherwise Protective Services will step in. His attorney spoke with him also to explain that he must accept help. Situation is further complicated by the fact that my dad is leaving her at night to go out to the American Legion where drinks are free for any veteran over 80! He's 82 and she is 81. She calls neighbors when she is alone and says" Can you come over. I need to go home". When they arrive she is in her coat, but never actually tries to leave. Day care is possibly beginning this week 3 days per week, but I know my dad will still continue to leave my mom at night out of a desperate need to get away from her. She is probably in early stage still - and they can't afford assisted living in an AD unit. We can afford to put her into assisted living but not in a program that specializes in AD (too costly) possibly or a year - probably no more. The places that cost more - that would probably give her better care we cannot afford. Also, I know that if she goes into AL and their money runs out that the state will then pay but in a nh which means she will deteriorate.

It's a mess as far as I can see. I am going down to PA (I am in MA) for a week to try to line up some home health aides to come in for a few hours at night two nights a week to give my father a chance to get out (in addition to the 3 days in day care). Any thoughts anyone? I will have to take a leave of absence from my job - unpaid. Thank you. Snooks

[SnowyLynne63]

I feel for you,I really do.I have had AD 6 yrs.but I can still help myself.Hubby works,I'm 64 he's 58.With your Dad out drinking,it's not good as he'll drink too much & wouldn't realise if your Mom was in trouble or not.Maybe she can go to a NH.She's in danger as long as he's drinking as I see it...........

[shelby1234]

I am sorry to hear about yr mom and the situtation, i am a cna caregiver and i have worked with AD before both in AL homes and NH, there are alot of nice ones out there and also cant your dad get some medical assistance for her also we went through this with my grandad and not being able to afford the care and they said that he could ge medical assistance and that would even cover some home health aids to come out to the house too, check in to all that stuff, i am in pa too, what part are you going to?
Michelle

[Snooks]

Thank you both for your replies. My parents are near Wilkes-Barre, Pa. and I would love to hear of any recommendations for nh's or al's (pch's in Pa). They can afford one year of al unless we sell their home, then they can afford more,but then my dad is minus a home. I am concerned that she will have to go into a nh on Medicaid due to finances earlier than she really needs one mentally. Does that make sense? They have seen an attorney to protect his share, etc. They quality for three days of day care - hopefully starting no later than next Monday. Anyone coming into the home must be paid out of my dad's pocket and I do think he will need someone coming in at least two nights per week for a few hours. Does anyone recommend an agency for the home health aides? Thanks again. Snooks

[shelby1234]

I am not sure of any home health agencies off hand, but you can look on the superpages on the internet and put in the area they live and assisted living or home health care and it gives you all kinds of numbers ect....I personally work in a very nice AL home and i think they are reasonable in price, but i dont know where wilkes pa is, this home is in hanover pa....