raped - now paranoid

concerned4me · 03-07-2004, 08:08 PM

I was raped a long time ago and I am having problems with opening up to people. I hate when people ask me where I live, my last name, etc. I am afraid that they know someone, who knows someone else, who knows the rapist. We were in the same circle of friends and that doesn't help. I hate being around several people at once. I don't want strangers in the house(even with dh home) like delivery men, etc. I am very afraid that when dh isn't home someone will try to get me. I am afraid that even if dh is home, someone will try to get me or even just break in to steal something(Ithink that comes from the fear of what the rapist took from me) and he will be hurt in the process.

Anyone have anything similar to this?

musicgirl00 · 03-10-2004, 12:31 AM

I actually went through this same exact thing. If you dont mind me asking, how long ago was this and how old are you? I am a 22/f. I still have a little bit of this that comes and goes. I would suggest finding a person in your life that you really trust and talking to them extensively about this. I was fortunate to have a really great boyfriend a few years ago that I talked to about everything and he helped me through things and after a while of making really good friends with a lot of guys i started to trust men again. I would just suggest making sure that you are safe. Try not to stay alone anywhere, always carry mace with you, and try to always have another female around you if you are going to be around a male that you dont completely trust. I think that the more male friends that you make and learn to trust the more you will be able to trust again.
I hope this helps a lil bit.

concerned4me · 03-13-2004, 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musicgirl00

I actually went through this same exact thing. If you dont mind me asking, how long ago was this and how old are you? I am a 22/f. I still have a little bit of this that comes and goes. I would suggest finding a person in your life that you really trust and talking to them extensively about this. I was fortunate to have a really great boyfriend a few years ago that I talked to about everything and he helped me through things and after a while of making really good friends with a lot of guys i started to trust men again. I would just suggest making sure that you are safe. Try not to stay alone anywhere, always carry mace with you, and try to always have another female around you if you are going to be around a male that you dont completely trust. I think that the more male friends that you make and learn to trust the more you will be able to trust again.
I hope this helps a lil bit.

It happened at 18 and I am now in my early 30's. How did you start to let people in? I can't even imagine getting to know anyone, male or female, because I don't know who knows him. It is really no way to have to live. Thanks for your response.

musicgirl00 · 03-13-2004, 06:40 AM

Maybe you should start by talking to a therapist. If this isnt something that you want to try, then maybe a close friend or a relative. Start with people that are easist to trust. You need to try to trust someone. It will build your faith back up in people. At first I started dating a friend a while after it happened. I talked to him about it but i would get panic attacks all the time after being around him. I explained that they werent his fault and that i just needed to get through them and needed him to try to hug me while i had them. Not everyone is bad. I promise you that. I know some very great guys and people. Another thing that maybe you should check into is if there is a rape center around you. They have rape prevention meetings in a lot of places. This is a good place to find friends or a therapist could recomend a rape group to attend. you will find other people who have been through similar things who will talk to you about stuff. I wish there was a better way to talk then through here so that i could better talk to you about things. But the rape center should help you find people in similar situations that could help you. I know sometimes it is more comforting to find someone in your situation to talk to. I hope everything works out, if you have anymore questions just post them.