Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tanki
Thank you- I'm glad someone did. I guess I get upset when no one posts because I think no one cares or is even reading it, I wonder if anyone had the same experiences, or if the are not that is why no one replied? Does that make sense.Thank you for the reply though, it means alot.
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Hi Tanki—
Makes sense to me! but nowhere NEAR the extent that it must to you. I’ve had several TàPT episodes but probably not PTS-level and definitely not PTSD , and so can empathize with the T&PT part and send peace of mind, body, and spirit to you for ever and ever.
My earliest and unfortunately T-most episode was a crazed gunman bursting out of a bar into my face **DOORBANG**
**GUNMANFACE**DUCK!! can spook me still but I've had a number of sudden but accidental *FACE*-to-face deja vu's with people uptown, in malls, airports, etc. and it's been a number of years, so it's settled down alot *flash*-wise. Also had several PT's in the military but they turned out to not linger or *flash* very often or very bright. Many PT/PTS/PTSD'd people had their experiences in the military; also many in the police, fire, etc. departments. Many, most perhaps, don't have PTSD, but maybe they are screaming inside; it's not up to standard of conduct for these folks to get very apparently affected, though, because otherwise
everybody would be dragging themselves around being actually depressed, and society just couldn't work if that were the case, you know? Utopia maybe but not here, now [well, yet
]
Anyway, I think it’s not that people don’t care. I think it’s that most people can’t empathize although they can sympathize (and do but not enough and they know it, but they haven’t been ‘there’ so they know they can’t KNOW WHAT “IT”s LIKE and I’m pretty sure their silence if translated into real words would be sympathetic—major sympathetic in your case). In this sense, emphatize implies "been there*” and sympathize implies ”haven’t been there but feel for you”. There need to be 2 words, here, in order for us to be able to express this concept.
*=('there' implies at least PT but probably different circumstance and degree).
But here's a word I learned that captures the essence of this for me: "
ineffable’—it means ‘cannot be expressed’. I think 'they' cannot express themselves because, by definition, they DON’T know “what it’s like”. There is no experience there to “eff” (‘eff’ comes from ‘efferent’ or ‘effect’, which implies effectuate[something]-from-the-internal-to-the-external-world). But what I’m saying is that there is literally ‘nothing’ to express when it comes to ‘
actually-shared-experience’, because they haven't experienced it. They
should say SOMEthing and share a care and give you some support in your [severely] traumatized life—and they know they should. It’s as if somebody said: “c’mon, ladies, everyone of you who’s been raped and abused and … and … , let’s go over and give Tanki some EMPATHY”.
Well, nobody qualifies, Tanki, is what is really being said by their silence.
Also, I think people don’t want to appear to be shallow or disingenuous because they really do appreciate the seriousness of your traumatic experience and the ongoing agony of having to live with that in your head 24/7, but they literally cannot empathize with that. Empty agony. But I think they are in a kind of virtual shock because their imaginations conjure up something frightening, so frightening that they don’t want to or probably can’t express that either. So, you get silence. And you don't
really want them to have to have experienced the same just to be able to empathize with you. Empty agony. And so it's this weird form of empty agony...and then people move on, including you, because you have to!
And if this isn't what's going on,, then any and every one is perfectly free and encouraged to post in and contest that-- BRING-IT-ON!
!
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