Mom in psychiatric hospital & aggressive

[Snooks]

Hi everyone - My mother was recently placed in a psychiatric hospital after being in a personal care home for a week and then trying to slash her wrists. It has been three weeks and the doctor is talking about discharging her by the end of next week. I'm very confusied. I'm in MA. I only communicate with the doctor by messages on cell phones. etc. He says he must get aggressive behavior under control which makes sense because nh's won't take her if she is combative. I am told she must go into a locked unit, can not return to where she was. I'm wondering if she should be moved to a geropsychiatric hospital first -from the psychiatric hospital for another opinion. She has gone down hill steadily it seems and yet they are talking about discharge. Weeks before this occured my mother began to have trouble recognizing her home and my father and one night in a crisis I called the crisis line and was told it would be a disaster if she ended up in a psych hospital because she would go downhill. Well, she surely has. I just don't know what to do. I am a distance caregiver - only child - and am on my way back down to Pa. for the 6th time in just a few months. Now my father is going off deep end and the personal care homewhere my mother was has contacted me about concerns for him. He is crying almost constantly and can't seem to understand my mother is not going to improve. I don't know whether I should try to move her to the geropsych (Moses Taylor Hospital - in case anyone knows the place in Scranton, Pa.) for another opinion or not.

I have been thinking about bringing her home over the summer when I am off (I'm a teacher) - home to my dad - and hiring someone to stand by over night so I can sleep, but don't know if we can afford it, don't know if she's too much to handle, and I would be away from my husband almost all of the time. All I know is that she's miserable, failing even more now that she's in the psych hospital, and now my dad is in trouble too. Anyone with any suggestions thank you I welcome any thoughts. Blessings to all of you. Deborah

[BarbaraH]

Hi Deborah,

Bless your heart - I've been where you are, except that my Mom is a widow. I lived in Texas and she was in Virginia when she started having the trouble that we found out was Alzheimers. I, too, am an only child.

My mother had not been aggressive at all at this point 2 1/2 years ago. I took a month leave of absence from work and left husband and teen sons to spend a month with mom at her home. Within a week she had tried to leave the house at 11pm and had yelled and screamed and fought me for the car keys. She didn't believe it was 11pm and had no understanding that a black sky meant night (how do you forget that??). I moved her into an assisted living facility in Virginia because her older sister (aged 89) lived in the same town and didn't want mom (aged 86) to go to Texas with me. Within 6 months, she didn't recognize her own furniture, was fighting with the nurses, had wandered away from the facility several times, and her dear sister had died. Mom had to go to a locked facility because of the wandering. It meant nothing to her to be in a new place. It simply didn't register. I found several assisted living facilities in the Richmond area had locked units.

Mom went through a stage of crying all of the time and was helped by an anti-depressant. Maybe both of your parents would benefit from that type of medicine. At this point in their lives, anything that helps is good. I read on a web site that losing your mind or losing your spouse is depressing, so why not use an anti-depressant to feel better?

From my experience with mom, I do not suggest you try to deal with your mother in your parent's home. It will be more draining than you can imagine, not to count in the emotional toll of losing your mother when she's physically present. I sobbed and sobbed after I got my mom to bed that awful night she fought me - and she went to bed fully dressed because she refused to get back in her pjs. I wanted my mom back. During that distressing month, 3 of mom's friends called me (2 calls were long distance) to tell me not to try to care for mom myself. They each said the toll on my health, life, and marriage would be too great. I took their caring words to heart.

My family was willing and our younger son had finished high school, so we moved to Virginia to be with mom. Living here has made things so much easier. She lives in an assisted living facility 15 minutes from our new home. Mom doesn't know I'm her daughter or what my name is. I visit her, but it means little to her and she forgets I'm there if she just turns her head. She forgot how to walk a year ago.

Would it be possible to move your parents to a facility in your home town to make it easier for you to oversee their care? I understand the cost issue and it is nothing to sneeze at. Bear in mind that your father may not mind leaving Pennsylvania and your mother may not even notice.

Do see an elder care lawyer if you don't already have Durable Power of Attorney for each of them.

I wish you wisdom. Know that you are not alone on this unwelcome path.

Blessings - Barbara

[Snooks]

Hello, me again, Deborah. Thank you Barbara for that helpful email and to all of you who reply. I just returned from PA. Long stories short: Mom out of psychiatric hospital and into a locked AD unit in a very nice place, but we can only afford it for 6 to 8 months. Dad willingly went into a "better" psychiatric hospital for depression. Went in Tuesday and will be out tomorrow, the first day my mom can receive visitors at her new place. He looks and sounds a lot better and he is now on an antidepressant.

I learned this time that the advice we received from atty to use annuity money to pay the assisted living places which was paid in the form of annuity checks will now bounce because annuity company called and said you can't do that - so it's one problem after another. Now we have apt. here in Mass to talk about the eventual move of my mother here in a nh and my dad here with us. I just take it a day at a time and thanks to this fabulous message board which I read almost nightly I find the solace I need. Bless you all.

[JudyA]

My mother was also in a geropsych ward because of her paranoia and psychosis. It began after a bout with pneumonia. From the antibiotics she developed thrush. The thrush went undiagnosed because everyone thought it was the Alzheimers causing her to obsess with the pain and discomfort in her mouth. I finally convinced a nurse to take a better look (by that time she had dragon breath) and the nurse agreed it was thrush. duh! It only took two months to diagnose. But from there it never really improved. After 3 weeks they released her to the nursing home from hell. It stunk, was filthy, loud because in every room and hallway the radios were blaring each with a different station and the patients were in all stages of dementia and other mental illness. They were crying out, yelling and wandering in and out of the rooms, partially clad or totally naked. My mother was in total shock at that point. It took me almost a month to get her out of there and into a decent nursing home. At this time she is medicade pending, meaning a financial advisor has helped us to properly apply for it without leaving my dad destitute. I also wanted to take a leave of absence from my job and try to care for my mom, but as your friends advised, mine also told me I was looking at a lot of heart ache and personal health issues. The place she is now is a God send. I feel all my hard work has paid out. It has been a furious struggle but I am finally happy with the outcome. (If happy is at all possible). And as you also said, seeing her die everyday is the hardest thing to handle. The tears and agony of this horrible, slow death are evidence of the need to find and give any type of relief possible to make our loved ones die with the dignity they deserve. I had originally wanted to give reassurance and solace but instead vented my anger at the inhumane treatment and ignorance of those put in charge of my mother's care. Thank God she is now being properly taken care of. Bless you and good luck.

[Snooks]

Originally Posted by JudyA

My mother was also in a geropsych ward because of her paranoia and psychosis. It began after a bout with pneumonia. From the antibiotics she developed thrush. The thrush went undiagnosed because everyone thought it was the Alzheimers causing her to obsess with the pain and discomfort in her mouth. I finally convinced a nurse to take a better look (by that time she had dragon breath) and the nurse agreed it was thrush. duh! It only took two months to diagnose. But from there it never really improved. After 3 weeks they released her to the nursing home from hell. It stunk, was filthy, loud because in every room and hallway the radios were blaring each with a different station and the patients were in all stages of dementia and other mental illness. They were crying out, yelling and wandering in and out of the rooms, partially clad or totally naked. My mother was in total shock at that point. It took me almost a month to get her out of there and into a decent nursing home. At this time she is medicade pending, meaning a financial advisor has helped us to properly apply for it without leaving my dad destitute. I also wanted to take a leave of absence from my job and try to care for my mom, but as your friends advised, mine also told me I was looking at a lot of heart ache and personal health issues. The place she is now is a God send. I feel all my hard work has paid out. It has been a furious struggle but I am finally happy with the outcome. (If happy is at all possible). And as you also said, seeing her die everyday is the hardest thing to handle. The tears and agony of this horrible, slow death are evidence of the need to find and give any type of relief possible to make our loved ones die with the dignity they deserve. I had originally wanted to give reassurance and solace but instead vented my anger at the inhumane treatment and ignorance of those put in charge of my mother's care. Thank God she is now being properly taken care of. Bless you and good luck.