Good god Kelleigh,just how strong do you think you are supposed to be here anyway?the pain from bulging discs and DDD can be extremely overwhelming at times.(been there, felt that).Don't knock yourself for having to take something to relieve the agony you are feeling.
I think you need to face the fact that you will have to be taking something here just to have some quality of life.You are only human.I know that you didn't have good luck with the methadone,but have you tried any other options besides narcotics?there are other options besides having to go the narcotic route.and if all else fails,well, you might have to be on some sort of narcotic.but there are other choices besides the hydro.That stuff will knock you right off any good intentions that you may have about not abusing your pain meds.
is surgery an option for you to try and rid yourself of the whole problem?Or at least the herniated discs?Having that part dealt with would at the very least, bring your pain level down to a more tolerable level that you could handle without the use of narcotics.
Have you tried any of the many anti siezure meds like neurontin?i was on that for two and a half years but it started to give me side effects after the last raise in dosage to 3200mgs.My pain doc switched me over to Gabitril.that seems to work somewhat better,but this med seems to make me much more sleepy.
If surgery isn't an option for you, there are other things availiable to you such as the morphine pump that is implanted and delivers the MS directly to your spine so you don't feel the narcotic effects at all.there is also the neurostimulator that can be implanted that could also be a possibility for you as well.
I think you really need to sit down with your pain doc and see what options he feels would be the best for your situation.
I know that Root, has been suffering from some pretty intense pain with his back for quite some time.In his first post after he was out of detox, he mentioned that they had put him on some kind of med that worked for him.I don't know just what that was but I am sure that if you asked him, he would tell you.
i know that the best thing that worked for me so far with my intractable pain has been oxycontin.my pain levels after my last surgery to remove some bleeding blood vessels from the inside of my spinal cord were just absolutely screaming.The neurosurgeon hit a nerve in the cord during surgery that caused some major neuro deficits and damage to my sympathetic nervous system.It also started what is called central pain syndrome.This is the absolute,most torturous pain that i have ever had and the only thing that gives me any bit of relief at all is the OC.
I had kicked a real nasty addiction to hydro way back in 91.i was doing really well until my neck started to fall apart a couple of years ago(herniated discs in the c-spine,and DDD).i was given hydro then and thought i could handle it after all those years had past,but it ended up kickin my butt again.This was my absolute favorite drug once and it didn't take long for that behavior started to appear again.I worked with my doc and we managed to work around it until my last surgery when things really hit the fan.
the really amazing thing for me is that after I got over the fear of taking the dreaded oxycontin, i have been able to maintain things very well with it,i haven't had the urge to abuse it in any way.I know this seems very hard to believe but it dosen't affect me the same way that the hydro did.also knowing that i am only given a certain amount by my pain doc every month and that under no circumstances will I be able to get an early refill should I decide to use more than i am allowed,helps to keep me in check.but i think the biggest thing is that the thought of not having this availiable to me every single day in the right dosage to treat this hidious pain, scares me half to death.if I did not have it, i would have to go to the nearest ER as the pain would be absolutely unbearable.another thing is really interesting about the difference in the way that narcotics make you feel when you are abusing them as opposed to using them to treat really severe pain.when using them to treat intractable pain, all you feel is the relief of the pain, no high.I know that that is the way it is with me,and also other people that I have talked to who are in the same situation.This isn't always the case with everyone,espescially if your pain is not really severe.but it is still that ongoing struggle between good and evil.That will never go away I guess.
i hope this helped at least a little kelleigh.i really do feel for you.It sucks to be in pain and dealing with an addiction.you walk a very fine line and have to be so very careful,but it can be done.
i really think the best thing to do would be to research all of your options and then sit down with your pain doc and discuss each one thouroughly.You should be able to come up with some kind of combo of meds that will work.I am on many different meds for my pain.Not just the OC.i am also getting injections and trying other methods for pain relief as well.One magic pill will not do it for you.I sincerely wish you the best of luck Kelleigh.keep me posted okay?and please DO NOT beat yourself up over having to take a pill.You will work this all out eventually.it will take some trial and error,but you will do it.Take care, Marcia
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