Honesty Needed!!! Daily Cocaine Intake???

[desperatesteve]

Hi everyone,
I recently found this website and I have found everyone's personal situations incredibly helpful and some even inspiring. I'm going to talk about my own story in detail in my next post. I want to dedicate this one to finding the answer to the question that every one of us addicts seem to be consumed with throughout our daily lives. We all believe that our own personal situation is so different than everyone else's, that no one could ever truly understand what we deal with in our addiction/recovery, and of course, our addiction is far worst than everyone else's. I need some help with the last part, determining the severity of my own situation. Many people respond to this issue in a clinical sense. These people have adopted the philosophy that basically says that whether you are doing a gram a day, or an ounce a day, it doesn't matter. If you think that you are addicted, or dependent on any level, then only you can determine how severe your own situation is. The second approach is considered a more logical or realistic approach. It's very simple: the person consuming an ounce of cocaine is in a dangerous, potentially fatal situation, while the other who is doing a gram everyday still qualifies as an addict, but this situation is certainly not as grave and as scary as the first addict. This approach states that in order to assess how severe one's addiction is, and to qualify one addict's situation as better or worse than another's, you have to find out the quantity and frequency of cocaine that the addict is consuming on a daily basis.
In the beginning, cocaine was introduced to me in partying situations. In those days, whether it was alcohol, drugs, girls, basically anything related to partying, I always had something to prove. I needed to show everyone that I drank the most, snorted the most, was basically the "best" partier in the room. The amount of cocaine that was being used was always a competition. Little did I know that indulging in such ridiculous behaviour would wind me up to where i am today, rock bottom. I'm going to reveal what my "rock-bottom" (daily consumption) is on my next post to avoid bias and competition. The reason that I'm focusing so intently on this is because in the last couple of months, I've realized that the amount that I use, and the lenth of days which I binge is putting me on death's doorstep. I was sitting with 5 men at an NA meeting, and for the first time ever, I revealed the amount of cocaine that I am using. These 5 guys have in the least 12 year, and the most 26 year cocaine habits. I started using 3 years ago. In 3 years, these guys are telling me that my habit is consuming more than half of what they were after 25 years!!! That's my reality. When a 25 year addict looked at me with shock, concern, and fear in his eyes, I knew I was in trouble. As addicts, we always feel a little better when we meet someone who is using more than us. For a long, long time, I've been in pursuit of finding that person...still looking. Please don't think that I want your responses only because I'm looking for a worse situation!!! I'm searching for honest and real answers so that I can have some hope in looking towards a future without cocaine. I think I speak for all addicts everywhere when I ask that there is no embellishing or bragging in your answers. I would also like to hear what you consider "binging." Again, I believe, and I've been told that I've taken the term to a whole new level, but I truly believe that there are others out there that have sunk into the belly of this beast as I have. Thanks in advance to everyone who responds. I pray to god that by finally revealing my addiction, it will enable my recovery to begin. Trying to stay positive is all I've got left.

[John 3:16]

Well, first, I have never done cocaine, so, I don't know what your referring to by a "gram" our "ounce" and I guess I can't be helpful to you in that sense...
But, what are you trying to ask? Is there anyone here who has done more than you? I am just a little confused by your post? Sorry!

I would love to offer any help and advice (I abused prescription pain pills) that may help, but just unsure what you are actually "looking for."

Welcome and maybe there will be someone who has had a problem with cocaine that can better help you!

M

[bluejulie5]

HI
I agree with Michelle, We are not quite sure what you are "looking for", I never have used cocaine either. Like she said hopefullys someone here that has, will respond to you!

MICHELLE:
I have not talked to you in a long time!!
Hope you are well.
Me, about the same.
Have a great day everyone

[northernlights2]

steve..i have never used cocaine but i do recognize an addicts mindset when i read it. sorry but this will be a lttle hard hitting...

you stated that you are on death's doorstep. yet you are desperately searching for someone to "better" you. even checking out NA meetings in hopes of finding that one person who can top you? so you can justify your use by saying "hey, this guy got 2 more years than me at my dose, so hey, i guess i can use for 2 more years til i really have to get serious with this". Sorry, no sale. no sale to yourself either, or you wouldn't be posting here. ya got a problem and ya know it....stop trying to justify it with a scientific formula....

[John 3:16]

Originally Posted by bluejulie5

HI
I agree with Michelle, We are not quite sure what you are "looking for", I never have used cocaine either. Like she said hopefullys someone here that has, will respond to you!

MICHELLE:
I have not talked to you in a long time!!
Hope you are well.
Me, about the same.
Have a great day everyone

Hey Julie!
Have been doing alot "flip-flopping" lately (quitting, starting, quitting, etc.). I have an appointment with an addictionologist next week and I am real excited! But, I did deny my refill from an OP yesterday (huge step for me)! That is progress, huh?
Hope you are well- always good to hear "your voice."