hi all....

[lisaaahubb]

Good morning michelle, rosie, root, banker, spark, chef, the twins, and everyone else for that matter!!!!
I am having some issues lately , between the pain in BOTH of my wrists now and an infected tooth....not feeling too well lately.
I am still on the vikes, the other day i took like 9 i couldn't believe it when i counted the next morning. It really does get outta control, very quickly. I know this anyways, gosh, i have been on this crazy rollar coaster ride for a couple of years now. Wonder if i will ever get off?!?!
I haven't been to ANY meetings in a couple of weeks now and i can see what happens to me w/out them. My hubby is in one of his "good" moods this weekend so maybe, i will get to one this afternoon. I really feel alone lately. I guess i have isolated myself this time. I also just got some bad news that in September my brother-in -law will be going to Iraq, he has just been activated. It is so sad, his wife is going to be a mess w/out him around. They are trying to get pregnant before he leaves, because they expect him to be gone at least a year, and she is 33 w/ no children yet. And my other brother and sister in law just found out that they are expecting twins!!! Well, she is not pregnant, they are adopting 2- 1 1/2 year old twins...good luck to her!!! She already takes xanax like it is candy, what the heck is she gonna do with two crazy little ones?????They asked me if i would be interested in being their day-care provider....hell no!!!! I can't even handle Justus, my 2yr old, never mind 2 more little hellions!!! Plus i am just not stable, i guess from the outside i appear to be a lot more with it than i really am. So my mother-in-law is considering doing it for them, but she can't even handle Justus on the days she takes him, which is only like once or twice a week and she has a MASSIVE drinking problem. So i don't think i would feel too comfortable with her watching my twins on a daily basis, but hey, that is their problem.
So i sit here, with the same dam problems i have had and battled for the past two years and wonder....when the hell am i gonna get it together?????? I still am really researching suboxone. I would like to find a doctor that would put me on it for LIFE!!! I am sure i will need some type of maintenance drug, i have done some damage to my brain and i really don't see it ever getting back to the "pre-pill" stage ever again!!!
Well i just wanted to touch base with my "family", it has been awile.
Michelle....what the heck???? you got back on the hydros????? i have trying to play catch-up this morning... I am really praying that this appt. w/the addictionologist is the end of the madness for you. Then you can be an inspiration for me
I love you all and miss you terribly. i will be around alot more now. I just can't go on ignoring my problem.
Seems to be a lot of newbies, and Kayleighsmom is getting her baby back???? What GREAT NEWS TO WAKE UP TO....
Well gotta go make some breakfast for my son's, baseball game today at noon!!!!
luv,
LISA
p.s. WILLOW-----------are you out there lurking??????

[no patience]

hi lisa don't think we've every posted each other before but justed wanted to say hello and introduce my self michelle and a bunch of others were pretty worried about you i'm glad to see you're back i know we really don't know each other but they had me concerned to sorry you're in so much pain it must be hard for you to type with sore wrists well just wanted to say hello and figured you must be pretty special for everyone to be so concerned good to hear your back luv kelleigh

[Twinlynn]

Lisa - Even tho I know you're not bursting with "happy" news---I'm just so glad that you're letting your friends share some of the burden with you, again. It can get real lonely out there! And you have people who really care about you on this board. So--welcome back! :-)

I'm still in "your neck of the woods", so to speak, tho not 9 a day. More like 4 or 5. But I too am very worried that I rewired my brain and it won't "re-rewire" no matter how long I'm off pills. So...I know just how you feel.

You, though, have had it so tough in your personal life. Not knowing from day to day how your husband is going to respond to you has got to be so emotionally stressful. When my marriage was moving towards its inevitable conclusion (and we rarely ever fought...more like, we played kinda mean mental games with one other), I was a nervous wreck....altho I didn't admit it for a looooong time! And, afterwards, all my friends were like "how could you go on like that for so long!?!?" But at least I didn't have children...and that makes it a lot harder for you to make a break when you need help with the kids.

That story of the twins! Whoa.....Alice and I have heard ALL the gory stories about dealing with the two of us as little kids. Evidentally, we never sat still....everytime you turned around we were about 6 feet off the ground, balancing on some ledge! LOL! My aunts, uncles and most of my older cousins have been gone for some time now....but I still remember each and every harrowing story they used to laugh over, whenever they described the times they took care of us to give my Mom a break. (And my Mom's advice to those who asked about the "fun" of having twins was "yes..twins are lovely....but don't have them as your FIRST...wait til you have a little experience with just one!" :-)

Re. your hands...are you happy with the doctor you are seeing? Maybe you should get a second opinion if the bad hand is still so bad that it's causing the other to be so totally overstressed. And...is this a new tooth problem? Have you had problems with them recently?

That's so sad about your brother-in-law having to go to Iraq. I'm sorry.....but I feel so angry about all those unnecessary deaths there. :-( (And there's nothing "unpatriotic" about wanting to see your country's troops safe and sound, home with their loved ones.) I do hope his stay in Iraq in totally uneventful!! His wife must be so worried. My generation was the Vietnam War....and that war divided the country in two, as well. So sad.

I do think the Sub might be a good thing for you to consider, after reading so many of the posts that others, here, have written about it. Have you ever spoken to a sub doctor? At this point, talk of "trading one drug for another" gets less and less valid as a reason for people to stay off it, when, you reaize that many of those scared off from taking Sub are just getting more and more addicted to the opiate drugs. It may be worth at least talking to a doctor you respect and getting an opinion.

Do you have problems getting your hydros...or are your doctors still prescribing them for all your pain? That's another thing so horrible about addiction...having to continually think about GETTING the stuff. Ugh! I "withdrew" all thru my ski vacation last winter. What a joke! (Actually...it would make a pretty funny story....I think I'll call it "No Scoring on Skis"! LOLOL!!) I don't mean to make light of our problems...but sometimes I think this is when we most need a sense of humor....I can see lots of total absurdity in my own situation, at times!!!

Anyway, I am just very, very happy to see you back here with "the gang"-- where you can get both consolation--and motivation! xxx love, lynn xx

[rosietee]

Lisa,

Hi, honey, so good to hear from you. You hang in there. Try to get to a meeting, too, but talking to us is always good. Isolation is just part of the disease, at least for me. I am a master at it. And I can certainly relate to the challenges of raising toddlers. Someone I really admire, though, put it so well when she said our kids don't want "supermoms", they just want us, their plain old moms w/o the drugs. It is still very hard for me, as I still want the pills, though I have so many people at meetings who show me life is better without them and that so many people die if they don't stop.

I am so glad you shared!! Sorry to hear about your bil, though. Keep on talking. I gotta go, the little ones are calling me!

luv,
rosie

[John 3:16]

Well, if it will make you feel any better, Lisa, I am sitting right in front of you on that roller coaster! I am ready to get off as I decided I hate roller coasters- all they do is make you dizzy and feel you like you are going to vomit! LOL!! Actually, I am on the sub now! This is like the third time I have gone from one to another- NOT GOOD! Just trying to hold on until Wednesday!!

Sub for you, huh? Have you talked to any doctors yet or just "playing with the idea?" I am sure your situation is worse than mine in that you are in true pain but atleast you weren't up to 25 a day!

I am so sorry for your family as your brother in law has to "ship off." I have had several friends to have to go and even though I support Bush whole-heartedly, I, too, will be glad when this is over and EVERYONE is home with their loved ones. This is a sad and uncertain time right now! God be with him!

I am glad you decided to check in with us more often- I have missed you! Have you talked to Willow? Just curious-
Gotta run now- kids activites await! Talk soon- K?
Take care and God bless,
Michelle