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Old 08-14-2004, 10:53 PM   #1
WICHRIS
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 133
Hey...Anyone around tonight???

Hey Gang...How is everyone doing tonight???...Still on track with my detox
contract but I am battlin a lot of demons right now....All this DRAMA with
my ex has got to stop !!! ...Sitting here tonight got the BOSE goin with
many small speakers but indeed BIG sound....Listening to some REM ..one
of my favorites " Everybody Hurts "...How very true...in anycase maybe it
is time to switch to some David Bowie and Tracy Ch****n...definately
cannot do any classical tonight....I feel as if I am on an emotional roller
coaster...ups...downs...I dont want to get into any details about the phone call I just got from my ex but basically it sucked !!!...I am sure you guys are
all really sick of this drama with her , me ,etc...I am sorry and apologize...
What is really strange is that although I am still 100 % on track with my
detox contract...I am not craving an extra benzo or hydro...but I am
seriously just craving one 12 pack of bud in bottles that is....Although I do
not have ANY booze in the house and you all know I cant drive yet because
of being post-op....I am definately craving ,needing some beer right now..I
just feel really sad ,alone ,depressed tonight...In anycase I am NOT going
to get any alcohol I guess I will just TRY and make it through the next minute,
hour,day...etc...GOD I wish I could get to a NA or even AA meeting RIGHT
NOW !!!!....Sorry to whine and sorry I seem so weak tonight...I am just
struggling....

Peace and Love....Chris
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Old 08-15-2004, 01:00 AM   #2
howard678
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: .
Posts: 470
Re: Hey...Anyone around tonight???

Hey Chris,

I am around. Skip the beer, you`ll just feel worse tomorrow. I am tapering off of Valium. It is tough. Hang tough. Watch some tv, may be a better distraction than the music. Try some benadryl if you cannot sleep. Will not hurt you. Thinking of you.
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Old 08-15-2004, 09:59 AM   #3
goddessgrl65
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 790
Re: Hey...Anyone around tonight???

Chris-
I know you got a the tape loop rolling-in your head-now..this is one of the most difficult aspects of tapering/stopping drugs..the depression/thoughts racing..
I took my brain-and body-and got right into therapy..i really kinda lost it-coming off the drugs-so much was pushed down/internalised-2 years later..im so much better off-but i do believe the drugs do alot more damage-(brain chemistry)..than just the physical w/d..thats hard-its the fear we all have as addicts-but its the aftermath that really takes time-to heal-your mind/soul.
Plus-you are going thru a breakup as well-this has got to be so tough for you-i will pray for you this morning as i always include the board in my meditations..i know you can get thru this-you got the right attitude..to make it happen..
Once you are clean-you will see things alot clearer-revelations will come..i promise there will be a new and stronger Chris...
BTW..i met David Bowie a few months ago-after a concert-he was my rock hero growing up in the 70's..and my inspiration for becoming a musician.
I listen to classical alot around the house these days-(reminds me of the hospital..lol!!!)..im a huge music fan!Been performing/writing-recording for over 20 years..im an elder rocker now..lol!Mostly indie/alternative-rock-and classic rock and soul music..
How bout you?
Stay busy-dream of the future-there are better days ahead!
Your doing great-keep posting..writing is so cathartic-it really helps in recovery..
Ggrl65
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Old 08-15-2004, 10:24 AM   #4
Twinlynn
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 1,067
Re: Hey...Anyone around tonight???

Chris - just saw your note from last night....I hope so much that this new day's dawned a bit brighter for you. Why do things seem even more nightmarish at night?

With your withdrawal, post-op recovery, etc, the last thing you need from your ex is "grief". She stil doesn't know about your addiction?? Then she really has NO idea how you are suffering. Just try to lay low and if at all possible...let your mind just blank out, as you listen to your favorite music. (I just watched that war film "Platoon" for the first time, yesterday afternoon. And watching the horrors of the Vietnam war unfold on the screen, it was a sickening reminder of what's going on right now!! Ugh. So...don't follow my example and listen or watch anything agitating!! Just soothing stuff for you!!) :-) ttyl, Lynn
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Old 08-15-2004, 02:34 PM   #5
WICHRIS
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 133
Re: Hey...Anyone around tonight???

Hey gang !!! Indeed the sun has risen this morning and actually it appears
weather wise today will be a sunny ,somewhat warm day here in WI...I am
sending you ALL a very special thank you for your words of wisdom and
inspiration...Thanks sooo much Howard ,GG65 , and my favorite new yorker
( Lynn )...Thanks also to everyone along this journey of mine towards
recovery and sobriety - BC , Lisa , Sara ,Wind , Michelle ( you all are fantastic
souls ,caring people - MANY THANKS !!! ) and Brenda through all of your
physical w/ds ,etc...you still managed to help me with kind words and
encouragement..thank you Brenda and I am thinking of you...Hope I didnt
leave anyone out it is just I am on my first cup of coffee this morning..Yeah
it is Day 6 for me !!! I am still on track 110 % - today 60mg hydr/day and
28 mg valium/day and one Wellbutrin XL 300 and one 8mg Zofran ODT....and
happy to report NO BEER or OTHER DRUGS !!! ---havent drank in over a yr...
...GG65 - thanks sooo much for sharing yourself with me and all your encouragement ( I appreciate it sooo very much !!! ) and I still have a special
note of thanks to write you GG65 ( BC will understand from my first post I
wrote but then deleted it the next a.m. - ashamed I guess I found myself
almost calling a casual friend to try a drug I never,ever used before - but
thank heavens ,God , etc.. I never made the call and did NOT use that drug..)
WOW GG 65... I had no idea about your music , and career- how absolutley
wonderful !!!! - I am sooo jealous you met David Bowie...( sniff here..) -
but HAPPY for you that you met him !!! ...Although I have absolutley no
artistic ability myself I am a HUGE music fan....classic rock , alternative ,
classical ,jazz and yes sometimes hard rocker here...put the BOSE on and
jamm to some AC/DC ,RUSH ,JEFFERSON STARSHIP ,etc...depends on the
day,mood etc...I wish I was born with some artistic ability but unfortunately
I am quite analytical ,into Academia...micro and macro economics , and currently work in a hospital in somewhat of a dual capacity-overseeing a
dept ( a lot of HR , Budget , Recruiting ,etc... ) and also am a Clinical
Instructor with students on rotation and very limited clinical practice...
I am NOT sure yet what I will do after my detox contract is finished...all
I know is I see my first therapist ever next week to address my clinical depression
and my first NA meeting is 8/19- YEAH !!!...Lynn as always thank you
soo very much for telling me/sharing yourself with me...I totally dig ya and
hope we will continue to have a friendship..by the way I also watch " Meet
the Press " and it totally cracked me up your career involves finances as I
have a subscription to Barrons and the Wall Street Journal and avid reader
of both !!!!..I actually have a minor in economics with my first degree and
have studied for my series 7...just never did take the exam !!!..Lynn I
will be writing you back today as I have sooo much I want to reply to you
with what you told me about yourself and have much more to share with
you about myself....Well time for another cup of coffee and a menthol
light cigarette...Take Care everyone and Thanks again for EVERYTHING!!!

Recovery is Way Kewl !!!.....Love....Chris

Last edited by WICHRIS; 08-15-2004 at 03:15 PM.
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