A concerned sister

[mel1977]

Hi, my name is Melissa and I am writing b/c I am very concerned about my sister. I am 26 and weigh 129. I have been sucessful with my weight as three years ago I lost 25 lbs, which was very easy for me. However, I smoke. My sister is 23 and weighs over 200. I am very scared for her, but we can't seem to help her in any way. I want to ask for advice. I don't ever want to lose my sister, and I am scared for her health. She is an angry young lady and is not easy to talk to. Our family has tried in many ways to help her, but either she won't try, or she will and won't follow through. There are some issues I think that could be causing her difficulty, but, ah, I just can't help!!!! I am the big sister, I am the one who is supposed to have these problems!!HELP

[LV40]

Honestly, you can only help your sister if she's willing to accept it. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink - you know the old saying.

If she doesn't want the help, there's not much you can do except for suggesting what you'd like to happen. But even then it may only cause resentment. Don't nag her, let her go at her own pace. Perhaps she'll do like I did and wake up herself one day. You can't change her, she'll have to change on her own.

[Gopherhead]

I agree with LV 100%.

It's admirable that you want to help your sister, and understandible. However, she's got to want to do it for herself. Take it from someone who lived as an obese person for many years, other people trying to 'help' only made me angrier and more determined not to listen to them. To this day I don't know what caused me to flick the switch and change, but I did it - of course I wish I had done it earlier

Have you considered that perhaps being overweight is not the actual problem per se, but a symptom of something greater that is troubling your sister? It took me years after I lost the fat to realise that this was the case for me; I was eating to self medicate, up until recently I had no clue what real hunger was, I just ate and ate because it helped me feel better about other things.

Nat

[mel1977]

I know she is depressed. She used to have prozac but quit taking it. when she was younger,in her teens, she was a very angry girl, hateful at times. But, she was not overweight then. She has had a lot to deal with, I myself suffer from GAD and take Zoloft. But, she is different. She "knows" everything, and it is very very difficult for her to have a normal discussion w/ someone if she doesn't agree with them. I know this is the underlying issue. we wonder at times if she has a heart condition. She can't work out w/o getting what she calls "chest pains". In addition to that, it could be thyroid related. Having a boyfriend who is not supportive in her past trials to lose weight doesn't help. He would help, but in the wrong ways. If she wanted dessert one night out, he would say "you know you don't need that". But, he doesn't believe in left overs, so they always finish all the food they cook. He doesn't work out, just sits at the computer and plays games all day. She says she doesn't have room to cook-I called BS on that one. She wants to lose weight, but I wonder if she just isn't unhappy enough "yet" and it will take a big change (bad) to get her to wake up. I woke up one morning and said" I will wear a bikini this summer" and I did. She does not have that same ability to just decide to do something and do it. She has changed her degree three times, and doesn't even really want to be a psychologist, but she graduates next year. But, she then has to get her masters, and even then does not have a positive outlook on her future. It is like she just doesn't care. I don't bother her about her weight. I learned a while back not to bug her about it. I will however, give my opinions on it when she asks. the entire family has decided it won't do any good to push her or talk to her about it anymore. I love her, and I want her to be happy. I know she is NOT happy, not with her general life, or her health. I was able to cut out key things with my weight loss: switched to diet soda, quit drinking so much alcohol, started eating healthier, with aerobics. She does not drink alcohol, and already drinks diet. She says she is still going to the gym, but I don't think she goes enough to make a difference, and she def doesn't eat right (last year she came to visit and ate an entire box ((24ct)) of Godiva Chocolates). She has a MAJOR sweet tooth, and I don't.
Well, I didn't really expect to get answers, but thank you for the input.

[LV40]

There ARE no easy answers hon. If there were, we'd give them to you without hesitation. When I hear of someone with these problems (she sounds exactly like me, in fact) I WANT to help, but there's not really much anyone can do. I know you love her and you're concerned about her, but it doesn't sound like she's too concerned about HERSELF, and there is where the problem lies.

Like Nat, I finally woke up one day, after years of being overweight. I WILL suggest one thing to you, though, that may just help, *if* you can succeed - ask your sister if she would be willing to see a doctor. Nothing major, just a general checkup, have her go get her blood pressure, heart, and cholesterol checked. That was my kick in the butt. My doctor told me my cholesterol and blood pressure were both high. And if I didn't do something about it, I'd end up either diabetic or with heart disease or possibly even a stroke. I was literally stopping blood flow to my heart and brain with the crap and fat I loaded my arteries with every day. Right then and there I made the decision to eat healthier food - no more fried food, no more fast food, no more sugar, no more chips, no more cream sauces, no more biscuits and rolls and donuts and cookies and ice cream and cake (except angel food!) and junk. No more. I stopped that day and haven't looked back. I've lost 25 pounds so far.

See if she'll go to the doctor for a checkup. Tell her if she won't do anything else to please at least do that. And make sure she gets her cholesterol checked.