I look too old for my age!

Phadrae · 09-05-2004, 05:03 PM

I'm 40 years old now, and have aged considerably in the last 3 years. Is there some kind of medical condition that causes rapid aging? My husband is 3 years younger than I am, and he looks a LOT younger than I do. In the last year, I've had 4 different people ask me if I'm his MOTHER!!! Also, other people like doctors have asked me if I'm in my 50's when I was still in my 30's! This bothers me very much, and I'm now too embarrassed to even be seen with my husband becuase of all the funny looks we get when we are at some store, and show affection.
I don't smoke, and I hardly ever tan, and I never tan my face. My face has deep lines around my nose and mouth and chin area, and my jawline sags quite a bit. It's affected my marriage so much that I'm thinking of divorce-I'm not even attracted to my husband anymore because it almost feels like I'm with a KID. I know a lot of women are really attracted to much younger men, but I've never been like that, and cannot understand why my husband hasn't aged at all in the last few years, even though he is a heavy smoker and is in the sun all the time.
I was wondering if maybe stress, shock, or sickness could cause this? In the last three years, I've gone through a bankruptcy, the death of both of my parents, a lot of female problems/pain, and a recent hysteretcomy to correct all this. Those are the only things I can think of that could possibly cause this.
Other than plastic surgery, which I can't afford, what can I do to stop aging SO FAST? And how can I deal with other people's cruel comments about how I look? I'm sorry if I sound really vain,but I know my husband was attracted to how I looked BEFORE I aged like this, and it has really affected our marriage a lot on his side too.

DonnaJ · 09-05-2004, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phadrae

I'm 40 years old now, and have aged considerably in the last 3 years. Is there some kind of medical condition that causes rapid aging? My husband is 3 years younger than I am, and he looks a LOT younger than I do. In the last year, I've had 4 different people ask me if I'm his MOTHER!!! Also, other people like doctors have asked me if I'm in my 50's when I was still in my 30's! This bothers me very much, and I'm now too embarrassed to even be seen with my husband becuase of all the funny looks we get when we are at some store, and show affection.
I don't smoke, and I hardly ever tan, and I never tan my face. My face has deep lines around my nose and mouth and chin area, and my jawline sags quite a bit. It's affected my marriage so much that I'm thinking of divorce-I'm not even attracted to my husband anymore because it almost feels like I'm with a KID. I know a lot of women are really attracted to much younger men, but I've never been like that, and cannot understand why my husband hasn't aged at all in the last few years, even though he is a heavy smoker and is in the sun all the time.
I was wondering if maybe stress, shock, or sickness could cause this? In the last three years, I've gone through a bankruptcy, the death of both of my parents, a lot of female problems/pain, and a recent hysteretcomy to correct all this. Those are the only things I can think of that could possibly cause this.
Other than plastic surgery, which I can't afford, what can I do to stop aging SO FAST? And how can I deal with other people's cruel comments about how I look? I'm sorry if I sound really vain,but I know my husband was attracted to how I looked BEFORE I aged like this, and it has really affected our marriage a lot on his side too.

I was so obsessed with my sagging skin that it was truly effecting my life, I felt like people were staring at me, and I couldn't stop looking in the mirror to see the progressive drooping. I had to get a face lift or I would have become a complete recluse.
Best decision I ever made, it changed my attitude about life completely. Sorry I can't give a an alternative to surgery, but if there was one, I'd have had it. Gravity is a *****.

Alicap · 09-05-2004, 08:04 PM

I am 44, my boyfriend 32. I am obsessed of the age difference, but everyone thinks I am around 35.
I agree that plastic surgery is the ultimate solution, but if you cannot afford it, you should try different approaches that can improve your look and feel.

At 44, I do not have any wrinkles what so ever, no laugh lines, but I do see signs of gravity, exactly like my mom.

Do you take vitamins and minerals, if not, you should research on the best ones for you.
Could it be that you are peri-menopausal? perhaps HRT would be the answer.
Stress can cause a lot of damage, not only physically, so you should find a solution to control that, perhaps with herbal teas.

Here is my daily routine, don't know if it helps, but you never know.
1-First thing in the morning I squeeze half a lemon juice, mix it with cold water, and drink it. Before I throw away the lemon, I rub it on my face and leave it until dry.
2-I use Obagi cleanser and products
3-I have 1 glass of pineapple juice with my breakfast, take vitamine C, B complex and B5
4-Drink a lot of water & herbal tea
5-I am on Estriol, a very mild HRT (and safest)
6-I use Retin A, morning and night

I do have a lot of stress in my life, and that doesn't make it easy, but you have to find the time to take care of yourself with a small budget. Sometimes a change of hair color or hairdo can be a very positive change, but mainly it is your mood, if you look at it positively, you will see a solution.

As for Plastic surgery, I am all for it, and perhaps you should explore of the different procedures that will not cost as much, yet can improve a lot: C02 laser, chemical peeling, injections (there are so many kinds these days), and there is also mini facelift.

As for your husband, well, even if he was 4 years older than you, men don't age like we do, we have to get used to it. But why do you think so many men are attracted to older women? because we must look good inside and out.

Alicap

Phadrae · 09-05-2004, 08:12 PM

Thanks for your reply. I just had a hysterectomy, and am on HRT, but maybe it's not enough. I take tons of vitamins, and have for years, so it couldn't be that. I guess it's the stress. I used to have a prescription for both Retin A and Renova, and they worked great, but that doctor quit taking my insurance, and I can't find one that will write me another prescription for it-I do miss it. My skin is extremely oily and sensitive, and I can't use ANY kind of moisterizer on it, or it will be broken out by the next morning. Even if it says it's 100% oil free. Hopefully someday I can afford a facelift, but they just don't last long enough for the amount of money they cost I don't think.

Alicap · 09-05-2004, 08:34 PM

Phadrae,

I don't understand why they will not write you a prescription for RetinA? do you go to a Dermatologist? I live in Germany where laws are very strict when it comes to medication, but RetinA 0.05 is over the counter medicine. I use the 0.1 with perscription. You can also buy them online.
But you have to mainly take care of your inner self, I find that St-John's wort tea helps a lot (and tastes good), but can interfere with some medications, so you have to read about it. You have to find time for yourself, and do helpful activities. In the past Yoga classes worked wonders for me, it helped me relax, and over time I even lost few inches with all the strecthing exercises. I was thinking recently of re-starting.
3 years ago my dad died, my husband left me on my 10th wedding anniversary, 6 months later I lost my job, and it's been 2 years I have been worrying about my brother who went through so much with his Lymphoma (thank God he is cleared now). Of course when you have so much negativity, you forget to take care of yourself, it is normal, but now that time has passed, you should get back on your feet and fight life's challenges.

wish you well,