Hi Sara,
Good morning on your first awakening in rehab
! I just came from taking my dose at the meth clinic, and how about you? Have you had breakfast? I wonder if you are comfortable and if they're giving you anything...still a morning with thoughts of drugs, only in a different way. Ah, I see Lynn is up...so how is your foot feeling, and have you had to take anything for it yet today? Hearing about the weather and flashing on the "old days," boy I loved a rainy or snowy day to snuggle in with my cat and watch the old flicks on AMC or TCM with my friends, Mr. and Mrs Vicoden ES. If you were like I was, I never really minded any of the 10 or so surgeries I've had, and I often saved the pain pills for when I was feeling better, and take them then...and heck, Advil? I took that when I was feeling fine, just to ward off anything that might encroach upon my day.
Recovery can be as surreal as addiction it seems, and it's so strange to think about how we all start our days now...Sara and others all waking up to meet each other for the first time at a far-away rehab clinic, me and some others off to the meth clinic to get their daily dose, others in the process of dissolving their sub under their tongue, some counting and tapering, some enduring the sweat and chills of c/t withdrawals, and some pondering their inevitable decision. What a difference even some short time can make while one is a "member of the board" here...
So Lynn, how is your mood these days? I need to write you more on the way you expressed the loss of joy...I so understand that feeling. The way you described it was exactly how I would if I could have said it as well. I think that along with my financial situation, that "loss" was another catalyst for trying to get off of them. They just weren't delivering that all-over body warmth and ultimate burst of energy 30-45 minutes after taking some anymore, you know? I knew it would have to be more to get that, and I just couldn't afford it. I haven't dabbled in the oxy's but it sounds like they can wreak a little havok on your depression as well? You know if you decide you are ready, I am right there with you, don't you? I so understand that feeling of simply not being ready yet, though, and if it comes to you, you'll know it and then, and only then, will anything be really worth trying. I loved the way you described your lost feelings of skiing as I live in the heart of ski country! Made me think of some long-lost days myself when I read that. BTW, I also loved the way you described New York in your post on "that other" thread! Made me think of your state in a completely different way, and for the first time ever, it made me think how neat it would be to really "do New York!" And your sister, how is Best Friend? Haven't seen her posts for awhile it seems. On that note, I know where Sara will be, but I wonder if we'll ever hear from Michelle or BCBurnaby again? I think of them often.
Sara, I wonder what your day will bring you, and I am sending my "Dallas Alice Vibes" to you, and they can be strong (especially after dosing!) so watch out when they hit you today
. Have you had a chance to talk to a counselor or a doctor yet, I wonder? Have you made a friend? Have you "clicked" yet with a special person? Have you kept yourself occupied with thoughts of redecorating your mind along with the rehab? So many questions and so long to wait for the answers...just know I'm right there with you, and at the same time, behind the veil of the internet cheering you on. When or if you find yourself thinking of the pills, try to think of that as another Sara, the one you left behind, and "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, because the great and mighty Oz has spoken!"
And Lynn, just because YOU were voted Pres., doesn't mean you get to do everything--I want to be the pill keeper, too, and I think a vote is in order for the colors of the rehab. I'm a blue, yellow and white person myself. Geesh, give a gal a little power and it goes straight to her head--LOL! Aw, you know I love ya, my pretty, and your little dog, too...!
Love you too, Sara, and am beside myself with curiousity as to what today will bring you,
Miss you already, Dallas Alice (see, you are still a part of this conversation!)
p.s. So you guys, this is soooo weird, but for the past 3 nights, I've had dreams about pills! For the first time ever...one night I dreamt I was going to be like tortured or something, and I was really angry with myself for not having a stash of pills around! Yikes, what does that mean?! Then one night I was with my sister and her family, and all of a sudden she was NOT my sister and was talking and acting totally different and she told me she could finally be herself now and take all the pills she wanted (she's never taken more than an aspirin in her life!), and then the next night I dreamt my now-deceased ex-father-in-law was addicted to Ambien and I had to write his dr. a letter so he would know because my father-in-law was taking them during the day and nobody could understand why he was sleeping all the time except me because I knew, so then he was busted and really mad at me! Help!! Although I love my new-found ability to sleep, these dreams are freaking me out!
) I DONT WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT THESE PILLS. But I know I want to LIVE. And can't bring them with me. And seriously- I have all of you to thank. I CAN'T WAIT to come home and post a new thread when I come back.
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