Need encouragement/support

[christianmom]

Ok all, I'm going to CT it again. I have to. Yes, I'm in real pain, and yes..I'm prescribed pain medication by my doctor...BUT, I HAVE to stop. I have no control over ME. I would eat them like candy if my husband didn't keep them and give them to me only when I need them (and even then, I take more than what I'm prescribed). I'm taking 10-15 Norco's daily...and this is where I've been everytime I've went cold turkey, so I know it's possible. I'm just SO scared this time for some reason. I've done this a few times over the past two years...the longest I've been on them is 3-4 months..the shortest~ a month. It really doesn't matter though, it seems as if the withdrawal is just as bad no matter how long I've taken them. The one and only time I didn't have a real hard time going off of them is when I had a few Ultracet samples, and I used them during the withdrawals (I don't know if it was the Ultracet, the grace of God, or what..but I experienced very MINIMAL withdrawal symptoms that time around..and I had been taking 10,15, sometimes even more a day of the Norco for about a month). I've now been on the Norcos for close to 2 months, and I do have a script for Ultracet, so I'm wondering if I should use them to help me through it all (I HATE the Ultracet, hate the way it makes me feel, etc...so I'm not too worried about taking it more than a couple of days..I would only take it to get me through the really rough days). I have been blessed with a WONDERFUL, AWESOME opportunity in a few months (I wish I could be more specific, but I just can't right now), but I HAVE to be off of the pain medication....for no other reason than the massive guilt I feel for taking it the way I take it. That leads me to my biggest problem right now....GUILT. I feel full of massive shame and guilt..due to taking this medication in excess, and knowing that I have NO control over it. I honestly don't know what I'll do about the legitimate pain issues I face without it, but at this point...I don't care...I just want to stop NOW. Please...any encouraging words, any and all support, etc. would be so appreciated...Yes, I know that I need further help to KEEP me off of it, but first...I have to GET off of it. Just remind me that the worst will be over in 4-5 days...and that I can do this. I don't know what day exactly I will start this (as you all know, I have 5 kids, so I have to make arrangements to be "sick" for a week or so), but it will be SOON. I have SO much to live for, and as I said above...I have this ONCE IN A LIFETIME opportunity that I refuse to mess up because of my desire to "feel good" all of the time. I'm just so freakin' scared of the withdrawals...I've done it before, so I know I can do it again..but I really need all of you to keep me positive, and to remind me that I can and will get through it all.

I'll post again soon and let you all know when I decide to do this...it will be soon, I promise. Thank you for always being so encouraging and supportive...I really hold a special place in my heart for each and everyone of you.

[lisaaahubb]

Hey Christianmom...hang in there, o.k.???? You know what you gotta do, just get it over with. Comtemplating "quitting" will only make you MORE guilty and depressed. W/d is better if you are busy, i never believed people when they used to say that, but it is very true. The more you can move around and walk or even work-out....the easier the w/d. Go into this with a positive attitude. It will help so much. I say YES to the ultracet for a couple of days,but be careful with them because i heard in higher doses it causes seizures.... I would do them til about day 4 then you should be having very minimal symptoms. Just BE POSITIVE, pray, get as much exercise as you can...and try to eat good food. I am out here in cyber-space thinking about you....hang in there
luv,
LISA
HAPPY HALLOWEEN

[christianmom]

Lisa,

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I truly agree with everything you just said. You know it is so funny how all of this works...I'm very "weird" about posting here (as I mention all of the time), and everytime I come back to edit one of my posts, or to delete it..I instantly get a message from someone that erases that desire to edit my post. I was going to edit my post and just simply say, "please keep me in your thoughts & prayers" and leave it at that..instead of all the details I gave. BUT...because I came on here (when I first came on, I had no replies...I read one post above mine, then all of the sudden I had a post from you!) and read your post, once again I'm going to leave my post be. I don't know why I do this, and I don't know what I'm so afraid of posting...but I wish I would stop being this way! I know that the only way I am going to receive support here is to ASK for it, so I need to stop worrying so much about what everyone thinks of me. Anyway, sorry for the ramble...but once again, thank you so much for your reply. I do not intend to put this off much longer at all..in fact, I just want to get through the whole "trick or treating" thing with the kids tomorrow, and then I think I will go for it. Just please keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers...I know in my heart that God will see me through this yet again, but sometimes I wonder why He hasn't given up on me yet.

Love ya lots, sister!!!!

[marich101]

Christianmom,
Calm yourself.... why all the drama? Take a pill.... relax!! Life is too short to do what you are doing to yourself. I've read some of your stuff and I know you suffer from Crohns, my aunt had it and the way I remember it could be a pretty miserable existance at times.
We have some things in common, I too have a pain issue, I take the Norco 10/325 I have to have them doled out to me by my husband like a 3 yr old child, I take too many of them. But I don't normally freak til I'm about to run out. Then my God its why ??why ?? why?? why??
I can't imagine what you have coming up that could possibly put you into such a thitter, but it ain't big enough to do this to you.
I don't mean to sound unkind but you are to nice a person for this or so I think, you give me that impression at least.
You have 5 children don't you want to know whats going on with them, or do you want to be in so much pain that it is all you think of?
Go back and read the last part of that sentence or do you want to be in so much pain that it is all you can think of. Go back and read the last part of that sentence really slow.
Now if I'm out of line here and you think you can go without the pills and still be pleasant to be around then I apologize and I won't bother you again.
And I am not trying to give you an excuse to take them, I know if you need that you'll do it yourself.........if you just take them for the BUZZ!!
But I decided if it takes it for my son not to look back on me as an old grouch who sat around and complained all the time........then by damn I would take them til the cows come home. Yes I like that feeling of not being in excruciating pain and if there is a little bit extra zip well the better for me and the people I love.
I'll probably continue to take too many I don't know what else to do, I've let my husband keep them.........he's tuff but he ain't tuff enough.
CMom, please accept this all from my heart, I've been where you are too many times and I won't do it again, that is how I found this board. And I've learned alot,and I know someone will probably have something to say but thats OK. I'm doing what is right for me and I hope that you can do the same. If you do choose to leave them alone thats Okay too and you have my best.
I keep trying to find a place to stop and this looks pretty good.
My best to you in your choice.
Marilyn

[marich101]

Oh that sounds so ugly and that was not the way I meant it...........I'm sorry just wanted you to think