Christmas and Grief

Ruth6:11 · 12-07-2004, 08:03 PM

This will be the 4th Christmas since my dad died and I guess I wanted to share some of that "missing you" stuff with other people who know what it's like to face a Christmas with someone special not there.

Each Christmas has been different from the others, but one thing remains the same. I miss him so much and can't get used to not getting a hug from him.
And I have so many wonderful Christmas memories of him.

I know that others here must have some feelings and some Christmas memories,
would anyone have any to share? Or some hints on getting thru the holiday when the grief is still new?

And a big Christmas Blessing to you all,

Uff-Da! · 12-08-2004, 11:43 AM

Because my late husband was 22 years my senior and for most of our 39 married years we were far from any relatives, I anticipated that the chances were great that I'd be spending many Christmases alone in my older years. So early on, whenever people talked about the terrible loneliness they felt having to spend holidays without their loved one, I decided that I would try to approach it differently when the time came. I thought that if I was otherwise going to be alone, I'd contact the pastor at the church and have him put me in contact with someone else who was also going to be alone, and perhaps we could share some time together. Or I would volunteer at a senior center or other location that provided a holiday meal for the needy. That certainly doesn't fill the gap of a missing loved one, but I know that my husband would not want me to be alone. It would take a little of the pain away.

Well, I lost my husband last year. As it turned out, I did fly out of state to be with relatives for Christmas last year and expect one relative to visit this year, so I won't be alone. But I still think I'll need to put the above plan into effect at some point in the future.

Ruth6:11 · 12-09-2004, 09:19 AM

Good for you! That's the real Christmas spirit I believe!

I wanted to share a childhood memory, maybe someone else has a favorite memory of someone that has died...

When we were small, me & my 3 siblings would all pile into my parent's room on Christmas morning - oh... around 5:30 am!! All ready to go - excited to go out to the living room and see the trees and the presents. (Which couldn't be done until the rituals had all been fulfilled)
Then my Dad would say, OK, ok, but not until I've had my orange juice!
Well, mom would bring him a SMALL glass of orange juice - and he would dramatically take the tiniest sips possible! It just took forEVER for him to finish!! We'd be "Aw, dad'ing him, C-mon's galore"!
Finally - he's done!
We line up in the hallway (oldest to youngest) and then.... to the tree!!

I'm 50, and the line-up hasn't happened for many many years - but the memory is still there as bright & shiny as it was on those Christmas mornings - and it that way my Dad lives on forever.

genster · 12-15-2004, 04:49 PM

All during my childhood my parents would make Christmas presents more fun by being inventive with the wrapping - such as wrapping a mallet up as a Dolly Parton Doll for my brother-in-law, or giving presents that would amuse the receiver. Dad was especially fond of indulging his sense of humour during the holidays (one Roman Catholic friend of mine has a collection of Nun-themed items from my protestant father. She always told him she would convert him.) My father died suddenly, six years ago. He was seventy-eight. I was the only one of the children living at home at the time, with one sister living in our hometown. He spent the evening (Hallowe'en, no less) wrapping Christmas presents, went to bed, and died about 4 am on November 1st.
That first Christmas one of my sisters and her husband did make it home to be with us and Mum. Because Dad had been wrapping gifts early, even the tags had his writing on them. It really felt as though he were there with us. About midway through the gift exchange, my visiting sister opened a gift from Dad that contained a collectable stuffed bear wearing the uniform of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. My other sister, upon seeing the bear, said she had seen the bear when Dad bought it and had told him he could give it to her for Christmas. " He always did that," she claimed, "gave you the gifts I suggested he get for me, and now he is still doing it!" At which point her daughter, who was handing out the presents, gave her the next gift from Dad - a collectable stuffed bear, wearing the uniform of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Unknown to us, he had ordered one of the bears for each of the five daughters. Had Dad physically been sitting in the room, he could not have set it up better, and it was a moment that he would have loved. So, even though he was gone, I felt we had our father with us for one final Christmas, and I think of that moment every time I see MY collectable bear, wearing the uniform of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

crazy4veggies · 12-17-2004, 04:23 PM

Ruth, i know exactly how you feel, I'm 22 and lost my dad Dec. 11, 2000, I still can't get used to the fact of him not being there for Christmas. Last year, on Christmas Eve, I got so depressed seeing my mom and her new husband exchanging gifts, etc. i went to my room for the rest of the evening and ate red velvet cake by myself. It's so hard trying to remain happy this time of year, I just try to stay as positive as I can and look at the things I still have. Merry Christmas and God Bless!!