My daughter won't fall asleep on her own!

tritownnow · 01-26-2005, 03:16 PM

I am a new mom with a six month old girl. A brief description--After eight years of trying to have a child and numerous surgeries and doctors telling us that there is no way I would have a child, we were finally (and surprised) blessed. Our daughter was born in July, perfectly happy and healthy. The problem was like most new moms, I am sure, I did not, nor did my husband want to put her down. She slept in my arms, on my chest and with us in bed. She has never been a good sleeper--meaning very short naps and not sleeping thru the night as of yet. The positive thing is that she is rarely crabby, considering how much sleep she does not get! For the past two months she falls asleep while having her bottle (about 99% of the time) and when she is finished and I try to lay her down she immediatley wakes up and will not fall back to sleep. So in order for her to have a good nap, I would continue to hold her. Yes, I know I created the "monster". For the past four days, I have been trying to correct the problem by lying her down for her naps in her crib. She will cry herself to sleep in about 20 excrutiating minutes. Will this ever end? For each and every nap, I lay outside her door and cry along with her because I feel like a terrible mother. I hope I am doing the best for her and I don't know if I am. Please some advice! I know that I should have corrected this problem long ago, but that damage has been done. She continues to sleep with us at night, which is not a problem for either me or my husband as we love having her close. Please help!

AprilPow · 01-26-2005, 04:43 PM

lol I know exactly how you feel!! 20 minutes? ? Try an hour!! Thats how long my son cried before he fell asleep. You aren't a terrible mom, you are teaching her to be slightly independent and unafraid. If she starts screaming you can pat her tummy a few times tell her its ok, then leave. Let her cry. The good news is after 20 mins she DID fall asleep. If you keep it up- it'll get to the point where she will soothe herself and fall asleep without crying. It's just getting to that point!! Don't pick her up either. That'll just fuel the fire! She will learn if I just keep crying- she'll come eventually. You didn't spoil her, don't worry. I think up until that age (6mos) you can't spoil them in that way. Now, is when you have to stop though. Its a hard battle, that I am still fighting!! Keep your chin up, take a shower so you wont have to listen or watch some tv...do laundry. My kids have puked sometimes crying so hard. It only happened once or twice though. Not a lot.

Take care

jokerhol1 · 01-26-2005, 05:13 PM

I'm a mom of two great little girls (ages 7 and 1). I deal with sleeping issues every day. I'm not a cry it out person...my heart just won't let me. I also worked very hard for my two girls to be in this world that I will enjoy their needing me for as long as possible. We have co-sleeping arrangements in place for whenever need be. I look at it as a part of my role in parenting my children. I feel lots of parents push their children to be independent way to early in life. However, co-sleeping is such a personal choice for each mom. it seems our little ones choose what they want long before the mom is ready. This is the case lots of times with my girls. Reading the posts of other moms who want/feel they should wean the co-sleeping habit makes me feel a little sad. Cherish the time together...afterall...they won't be asking to climb into bed with you when they are teenagers...right

?

When I had my 7 year old, I developed a family bed. When I returned to work, she was 6mths old, I missed her so much by being away from her during the day. Even now with her in school, I find bedtime is when I find out stuff and when she shares her most personal thoughts. I believe that because of our night cuddle time this is why I am priviledged to these thoughts that otherwise I might not hear.

When I had my 1 year old, I wanted to introduce the same atmosphere to her. Unfortunately for right now, she is the kind of baby who likes her space. she can only last with us at bedtime for about an hour or two. My husband states that it is quality time for the 1 year old and it is just as important. My arms are always willing and waiting...just in case. Maybe that time will be more down the road.

I'm not experienced by any means but now that I look back at the difference between my girls sleeping habits I wonder if what I've done so far is best for both. I'm hoping co-sleeping proves to be a sense of security and that it will instill in my girls the sense of being able to come to me whenever they need?!
So far, yes, I think I've made the right decision with no regrets

!

I don't know if there is much advice above for your situation. I just wanted to state that I think it is okay to have your child attached to you for now. They will let you know when they are ready to venture on their own. My 7 year old shows me this everyday. She can take care of herself at school and through lunch time without me. In the back of her mind, she knows I am there for her no matter what

!

Take care and good luck with whatever you choose to do!

siren1024 · 01-26-2005, 05:14 PM

My son was EXACTLY like your daughter. I held him and he catnapped for the first 7 months. When we decided to put him in the crib, he cried for an hour, then slept 12 hours through the night!!! Every night the crying period got a little shorter until now he goes to bed with a little whimper. He still cries some nights, but knows resistance is futile and settles down before 10 minutes or so. Naps came later, but once he knew what the crib was for, he accepted them, too.

I am so glad I made the decisions I made. Both to co sleep in the early months, and to put him in the crib when I did. It worked out so well for all of us. He's been sleeping beautifully for a year now.

Good luck!

AprilPow · 01-26-2005, 09:36 PM

I did co sleeps too. I almost always let my kids come in my bed...which is why we opted for the king size! I remember being 16 and we would have terrible thunderstorms and I would climb in my parents bed. Of course, I wasn't in the middle anymore...and usually my dad would go to the couch. I want my kids to feel the same way. I just don't want it to be a habit which tends to happen with the smaller kids.

April