Self-medicating.

[Toribelle]

For anyone following my story you know that I've quit this time with the help of a psychiatrist. Last week he informed me that I had OCD. Now that I know what that is and what is involved I know that I was taking pills because when I took them for an injury I realized that I could function normally on them.

I didn't know why - but I knew I could. Now I know why - I have these obsessional thoughts and insecurities that make me not want to interact much with the world - the pills killed that and allowed me to do that very well. For a while of course until they began to eat away at my personality and life. So obviously that is a BAD cure -

My question is has anyone else discovered that they were self-medicating and how did that impact the addiction? For me it SEEMS tomakes it a lot easier to deal with...because I know that I can get help another way. I don't want to underestimate my addiction and still understand that i have to stay far far away form pills for the rest of my life - but I wonder if it will be easier to deal with since the cause of my addiction will be dealt with.

Does this make sense???

15 days today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEY!!!

Tori

[Twinlynn]

Congratulations on your 15 days!

I, too, have OCD (controlled almost 100 percent by Prozac, which I've taken for about 12 years or so.) Yes, drugs definitely DID help my OCD before I saw a psychiatrist and started the Prozac. That's why they felt so important to me. However! As you can see from my story, controlling my OCD did not stop my pill popping--I STILL enjoyed the "euphoria"!!!! And eventually I did acknowledge that I STILL had an addiction!! That's why I came to this Board! :-)

I think the addiction and OCD are very connected...and there have been many scientific studies that acknowledge the connection. If you put the two words together on search on the internet, you may even find some information that you'll find helpful.

I so understand how your OCD is being helped by the pills....that was such a factor for me! Both aspects should be treated together. Lots and lots of luck for a wonderful future! xxx Lynn :-)

[Toribelle]

Thank You Lynn!!!!

God it feels so good to hear from someone going through the exact same thing that If you were here I'd probably throw my arms around you! This whole thing has been very surreal - I had no clue I was OCD before he told me and I began to research a bit - now I see that I am VERY OCD. I am very obsessional and not very compulsive (except for feeling like I have to remove things I see as a threat to others - like seening a piece of glass in the road or something someone could trip on - I just thought I was thoughtful! LOL) But it all confuses the crap out of me. I have an appointment with the psychiatrist today and plan on asking a lot of questions.

Unfortunately I have to take my two year old AGAIN because mother-in-law can't watch her and my husband will not take the time from work. I feel so alone in this battle!!!!!!!!! I truly truly appreciate you taking the time to share that with me - and ot let me know at least I'm not the only one...

Thanks again Lynn-
Tori

[lovey1]

Hi Tori,
I used to post of here quite often, but I haven't for a while now. I've been on suboxone since November of 2003 and seem to be doing quite well.
I just had to respond to your post, though, because I firmly believe, as do many addictionologists, that a huge percentage of addicts are self medicating underlying issues. Usually it is un-treated depression, anxiety, or as in your case, OCD.
For me, I found that I had been on Paxil so long for depression and anxiety, that it had lost it's effectiveness. I didn't realize this at the time of course. But from the moment I took my first hydro, I was hooked to the "feeling" it gave me. I felt happy for the first time in a long time. It wasn't until I took some control over my depression by switching medications that I really began to heal. I still have days were I crave the euphoria but they are really few and far between.
I just wanted to tell you that your definately not alone.
Congratulations to you and Good luck
Mary Beth

[Twinlynn]

Tori,

Well, since we can only "virtually" hug--here's a big one! (((((HUG!!!!!))))) LOL!

"Obsessive" rather than "compuslive" describes me perfectly, too! If only I could harness the complexity of my OCD way of thinking iand channel it nto something USEFUL, I could rule the world!! LOLOLOL!!! :-) Being an OCD'er take sooooo much work. :-)

Oddly enough, I, too, remove "items of harm" from the environment! Forget it, if I see glass in the road--if I-ME--MYSELF--doesn't clear it away--then I just know there's going to be "some sort of Apocalypse!!!! LOL!! Actually, I once went to an OCD support group--and they were the most hilarious, witty, intelligent group I'd ever joined. (Mind you, I'm not a group person, so I don't join many!) But we had the greatest laughs talking about all these peculiar responsibilities we'd taken on to preserve the world's well-being---and our own sanity. LOL! It's such a bizarre illness, isn't it! :-)

Did you know there is an OCD board here? I do check it out once in a while to see if I can help anyone with my story of how Prozac stopped my OCD in its tracks. And I'd had such a bad case of it for about ten years.

Anyway, I'm also pleased to meet another soul who understanda the "imaginary" world of OCD!!! :-) talk to you again, Lynn