offically 83 hours clean...

[Suz123]

Hello, this is my first post on here. The last couple of days I have been reading a lot of the post on here and it has helped me tremendously. I am on day 4 of no pills. Just wanted to share that with somebody. I am going to tell my whole story because I need to get it out. I need to vent so this heavy brick on my shoulders will be lifted. I just turned 24 years old. I discovered pain pills about 6 years ago (oxy & percs). I took them for about 4 months and went through w/d's CT. Goodness was it horrible. I didn't touch another one until about 2 and a half years ago. It started with a couple percs here, a couple there. Then about 2 years ago I started hanging out with this girl. Ends up she is a recovering drug addict. Sometimes you just cannot have two drug addicts hanging out. Bad combination for me and her. It seems we would just talk about drugs then we both ended up getting addicted to pain pills.

For about a year and a half I was taking around 10 methadone's a day. If I didn't take those I was taking 10 demerol a day. Pretty much whatever I could get my hands on. I think back and can't believe how much money was spent on pills. I decided to tell my husband about my addiction and he helped me through the w/d's. I don't think I have ever felt that bad. They were going strong for 10 days then after that I started feeling lots better. You would think I would stay clean after going through that much pain but all I could think about was how good I felt when I took them. It didn't help that my "friend" was still taking them. Of course she wanted me to keep taking them with her and I was too weak to say NO. I stayed clean for about maybe 2 months. Then fell back into the same cycle. I realized that I wasn't taking them to feel good anymore. I was taking them because I felt I had to have them to function. If I didn't take one I COULDN'T do normal day-to-day tasks. I didn't feel normal and still don't feel normal unless I have pills.

Since then, I have went through w/d's 2 more times. I know what I am suppose to do. I have been to rehab, change your playmates and playground. Tell your doctor about the addiction. Go to meetings. I quit talking to the "friend". I recently moved to California so that helped also. When I got here I was clean. I have a horrible back. herniated disc, degenerative disc disease, osteoarthritis all at 24 years old. It started hurting me to the point where I couldn't walk because my left leg was going numb and pain would shoot from my lower back down to my foot. So of course I got pain meds from my ortho surgeon. Once again the cycle starts. (moved to Cali in Nov)

So here it is June 1st. I just turned 24 on May 30. I made a choice to get off these pills once again. I am on my 4th day clean. I know that a couple of days of pure he** will turn into me feeling so much better and clear headed. I want to do something with my life and I won't be able to unless I get off these darn pills for good. They control your life. Well I am taking back control. I have lost the last 2 and a half years of my life. I am highly proud of myself right now. I cancelled a doctor's appt and dentist appt because I was afraid I couldn't say NO if they tried to give me pills. I am taking it one day at a time. That is all I can do. This is something that will affect me the rest of my life. The last couple of days I tell myself all day long "tomorrow i will feel better" hehe...yeah I feel better BUT my body is aching so bad that I have to keep moving around, I can't sleep, my stomach is messed up, a 2 day case of heartburn , hot and cold chills, goosebumps, anyone who has been through it knows what I am talking about. I know my body is just trying to adjust to no narcotics. I can deal with it. But goodness I am ready to get a good nights sleep and get to day 10 or something.

At the time you might think it will never end but I promise it does get better. So once again, i tell myself tomorrow will be better. Sorry so long!!! AND thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better.

[Paxilhead]

Congrad's on your success so far. We also share a 5/30 B-day.. I'm 35...

[allaboutme]

You need to stay strong. I know exactly what you are going through. It is so hard to befriend another drug addict. Both of you know what it feels like to be messed up. When I talk about my past experiences, my heart starts racing, and I get this terrible urge to get my hands on something, anything. When you combine two people that feel the same way, you're twice as tempted. I like the idea of talking to people, telling them how I feel, but also knowing that I can't discuss where or how to score some. If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm more than happy to listen, and give my opinion.
Remember the worst is almost over.

[JCS]

way to go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't read the whole thing..............but you are on your way

[Suz123]

Well, today was my first time to turn down pain medication. I had a appointment with my orthopaedic doctor to find out the results of my mri. I have a herniated disc and progressed degenerative disc disease in 2 disc. I am so very proud for not taking a prescription from her and for not asking for a script. BIG accomplishment for me.

allaboutme> i would love to talk with u. i completely understand what u are talking about when u talk about past drug use. i get the same way. anxiety, sweating everywhere, racing heart, and the huge urge to want to take some pills. As long as I am around clean people I am fine. But I don't think I could sit here with my old "friend" and talk about pills with her without going and getting some. we can talk on here or email. whatever you prefer.

I love to read all the stories on here. It is nice to know that there are so many people out there going through the same thing. BUT I would never wish this drug addiction on my worst enemy. I know this is a problem I will live with and have to fight the rest of my life. Thanks to everyone that has replied to my message. I know it is rather long. It just feels good to be able to tell your story and not be judged and have people that you don't even know give so much support.