BP or OCD?

[Human Child]

wasn’t going to post this because – well, I’ve been drinking and not sure how much sense it’s makes. Also, believe I’ve been hypo to manic the last two weeks. But, my curious mind won’t let it go.

I posted it on another BP board and it was suggested to me that it could be OCD (which, by the way, I have also been tentatively dx with - as well as BP). Then, I posted on an OCD board and they pointed me back to BP – the last post saying, and I quote:

-The only thing people with OCD are driven to do, is the repetitive actions or thoughts that ease their anxiety.

Being "goal driven" is classic of BPD. My friend who is BP is exactly like you --…., she gets totally obsessed about a subject, person or project (missions) and it CONSUMES her day and night.

Honestly Human Child when I read your first post, it could have been written by her. This is definately BP and not OCD.


So, I decided to post it here to see what you BP folks think.


I have these episodes where I get totally obsessive with a goal, a subject, a person, a project – something–and it’s all I can do, plan or think about to the exclusion of everything else.

Examples:

I go on writing binges (work on my novel) where all day long, all I do is write. If I’m not writing, I’m on the net researching info about what I am writing, or writing about what I am writing, or downloading pictures of my characters and making slide shows and photo albums. I become totally obsessed with it as my mission. I have all kinds of ideas and plans for stories, characters etc. I am in touch with my creativity like at no other time - so, it feels

The house doesn’t get cleaned, dishes don’t get done, sometimes, I don’t get dressed. My husband gets PO! I also have to buy everything that pertains to my obsession at the time. I don’t think about the money I’m spending. I have it in my mind that I have to have it and I buy it. I spent over 500 dollars on DVDs because actors I’ve chosen to represent my characters are in them. Bought a 1700 dollar lap top because as I writer, I need one (even though I have a desktop). I know the buying most likely stems form BP. Or, do OCD’ers do this as well)? I am convinced at the time that I am supposed to write this novel and start looking for, and, finding signs, to prove it (guess this is sort of delusional – do OCD’ers do this)?

One time, I got obsessed with Native American Shamanism and thought it was my calling. I bought everything I could find on the subject – books, audio tapes, rocks, crystals, medicine cards. Started burning sage around my house, conducted midnight ceramonies, gave colors meaning, hunted for my animal spirit, did medicine cards. I would spend hours outside in one spot listening for the universe to speak to me or show me direction. I would sometimes make up excuses at work so I could leave to go home and do the medicine cards. I started believing the trees were communicating with me.

So, there is a bit of delusion that goes along with it. Also, when it's happening, I don’t want it to stop. I think I am doing what I was called and meant to do. I am filled with ideas. And everything else is filled with energy, entity, inspiration. Of course, I also have this underlying feel that I could drive myself to the point of exhaustion and collapse, but this doesn’t stop me. What ever I am doing is worth the risk.

This actually helped me in nursing school because I became obsessed with studying and knowing every morsel of information on the lecture guides they gave us. I used to memorize them word for word – I’m not kidding. My husband told me I was abnormal – that no one studied that much. It’s all I did. I’d studied from the time I got home until I went to bed, then, got up at 3:00 in the morning and study until I went in. But I graduated top of my class.

So what do you think? BP or OCD or a combo of both?

Does any BP'er here get periods of goal driven obsessions like these?

Thanks for any input. And, sorry if I'm rambling. Drinking.


Board: Bipolar Disorder Post New Thread

[Picali]

Hi Human Child

Just wanted to post back and let you know that you have just described me. I am slightly milder in my obsessions and they don't tend to last more than a few weeks so the potential for damage is lessened, but yes, I experience what you do and it has become something of a standing joke with my friends these days!

I don't know much about OCD so I couldn't tell you whether what you describe is one or the other, although with OCD I would have thought you'd be obsessed with the same thing all the time? I don't know, that's just my layperson's understanding of it.

I think there's something quite comforting about a diagnosis in the early stages - it gives you something to work with and puts a name to your 'oddness' (which is reassuring for others) but I think most people find it can become quite restrictive. What I'm trying to say is when you're feeling strong enough, it can be helpful to focus on your symptoms and alleviating the ones that cause you problems rather than determining the name that they're given (it took me over a year to be able to do this - it has helped). Does that make any sense!!??

Finally, without wishing to sound like your grandmother, try not to drink! I know it sounds dull, but the chemicals in alcohol react with the chemicals in your brain and compound the difficulties your brain is already experiencing. As someone who didn't feel complete until she'd consumed at least a bottle of wine, I have found the swings easier to cope with since I've laid off the booze.

Hope something there helps - let us know how you're getting on.

Lots of love

Picali xx

[Human Child]

Okay, not drinking now (except for coffee). Up, after lying in bed for 4 hours, and getting even less sleep – despite the alcohol I consumed. I had 5 hours sleep the night before, and 2 hours the night before that. So I may be a little sleep deprived despite feeling totally alive.

I appreciate your taking the time to respond.

I think the dx would be reassuring to me b/c it would explain my oddity to me. I could point my finger and say, ‘see, I’m not crazy. It’s just BP.’ I guess it would also help explain me to my relatives. They could say, ‘well, she’s BP after all’, instead of shaking their heads and saying ‘Man, is she out there somewhere.’

Don’t know why I feel it would be reassuring. Give me a path to wellness to pursue if I choose?

Currently, (and, I say this in my current state), if this is illness, don’t know if I want to be well. I have it in my head right now that maybe I was meant to have this. It’s what I have to suffer in order to be connected to and endowed with the creative force so I can do what I was meant to do - to write.

I’m not on meds,(yet). Have appt. w/ pdoc on the 16th but I have it in my head to cancel. I’ve been waiting two months to get in. Somewhere in my head, I know if I cancel I’ll regret it, Despite the way I feel now – I remember the horrible feelings and the behavior that sent me to the doc in the first place.

But right now, it all seems worth it. Like it’s my cross to bear, the price I must pay to fulfill my purpose. The trade off for being allowed to walk in,
and given a peek into this other realm. And, from this springs all the knowledge, the creativity of mind, and mystical feel. Sorry if I’m rambling. I suppose I might be a bit delusional. But if I am, even that is worth it.

Picali, thanks for responding. Right now, no symptoms are distressing me. Yesterday, I spent 5 hours writing, and another 5 cleaning my house. So my husband has nothing to b*tch about.

And, as for the alcohol, you sound like him, not my grandmother. He’s the one who's been getting on me about my drinking. And yes, I'm aware I'm using to self medicate - but, the effects wear off. And, right now, it all feels worth it, like it's the price I must pay.

Best wishes

[mudhound]

I'll add my 2 cent's worth. The wife counts things. Like foot tapping or road markers. Just about any repetive motion will draw her to counting. She also has BP but the ocd is there too.

[Human Child]

Mudhound,

I count road markers. I also count steps when I walk. Probably the biggest OCD symptoms for me is checking and touching.

I have to check and recheck everything before I leave the house, go to bed etc. Certain electrical appliances have to be unplugged - certain lamps, the mircrowave, coffee maker TV, computer. Sometimes, other things depending on wheather I feel an outlet feels unsafe at the time.

I have to touch the cuboards and frig to make sure they're shut even though I can see that they are. And, nothing can be at the edge of the kitchen counter either (lest it fall off and hit one of my cats in the head).

Have to make sure the dryer is off and completely cooled also. I once covered it in ice to ensure this because I was late for an appt.

I've also turned around and went back to the house to recheck what I already know I checked but my mind won't leave me alone.

These obsessions are not like the obsessions I get when hypo/manic because they imprison me. Like I said on another thread, I don't regret when they end, or, when I don't have them, or sit around wishing they would strike me again so I can feel that magical rush of creativity and inspiration.

They wax and wane which I am grateful for.

Thanks for responding and best wishes