overwhelmed

[nwhat]

ssHi all , I am new to the board and spent the majority of the night reading what many of you have been going thru and my heart goes out to all. I must say I felt compeled to share what I was feeling because I to felt like maybe someone would actually take the time and read what I wanted to say the way that I did last night into this morning. I actually cried when I read some of the post and laughed at some abd related to almost all. I hate the person I have become over the years. I am tormented with being this fake individual that nobody around me knows but that so many people are. I am an addict. An all around ADDICT! It seems as if I have sort of got better with some of the things I use and increased in other areas. I have no idea where to begin because this is the first time EVER EVER that I'm even sharing this. Try to keep up if you can: I started smoking pot at 14 sniffing coke at 16 drinking at 22 smoking ciggs at 22. back injury at 27 popping pills at 28. Now I quit smoking both things doing coke and drinkoing and now Im addicted to pain meds: oxycontin,hydrocodone,oxycodone,percocet and it's making my life miserable!! My mood swings are horrible , some are prscribed and others aren't. there's so much more but I don't want to overwhem everone. I just feel like I want to stop but I dont know how. I've compisated one adiction fro another NOW WHAT!!!!!

[CarGuy232]

Ok, theres a lot you can do. What doseage are you at on a daily basis? are you in fairly good health? If so, you could cold turkey it. The first three days, i'm not going to lie, are hell on earth. After that you start coming to life! But, you may also consider a slow taper program, or maybe a maintenance program like methadone or suboxone. But when you finally decide to come off maintenance, it will be just as hard or in some cases worse. You also have to decide if you are truely ready to leave this all behind you. Its a HUGE step to take.

Anyway, hope i helped and i hope to hear back from ya soon!

[Benthere]

Hello & Welcome
I share some of the same story as you. I would find something better and stop
using the other as I would like, pot, drinking, then pills. It had to stop with pills, I know what you going through and wish you the best. I tried to stop 2 or 3 times
even went 12 days before. I used the excuse I wasn't getting any work done that time. Plus I was cutting back my wife's pills and always had some in my pocket. I've
never told her she couldn't have a pill. Anyway this time she stopped with me and
we're on day 17. When you make your mind up to be done, I mean done. I think the rest is easy. I nobody to say but I really think 60 to 75% is in the mind!
Good Luck there is a better life out there!

[nwhat]

Your right thats what the problem is I guess I dont know if Im ready to leave it behind because Im scared. I feel like a F*%ing sucker every time i think like that. It makes me feel weak. How could something have so much control over me. I've always had lower back problems since I was a kid and they,ve got worse over the years now 34 I really do suffer alot and it sickens me to think how would I live my life in pain. I have myofacial pain syndrom, fybromyalgia, ddd, osteo, slight kyphosis and it really hurts the older I get. It got worse after I had my 3 year old. Now I take about 60 mil of oxycontin. and 20mg of oxycodone 400mg of topamax 10mg of flexeril 800mg of ibuprofen and these are from my Doc. Except for the extra oxy I take and I also buy percocets that at time I take in place of the oxys because they make me feel happy , but they dont really help with my pain it only last for about 2 hours and I have to take more than I should have to. So I have put myself in a dangerous situation where I know it can't go anywhere but downhill. Everyday I say today is the day i wont do this and it just never turns out that way will todat ever come? Thanks for responding , I really needed this.

[sk777]

Hey nwhat,

I admitted my addiction for the first time here, too. Just doing so has helped me a lot. So has this board.

Quitting narcotics is tough, I've been there. I didn't take them straight but would take them all the time for a few months, then quit, then get hooked again, then quit and my "hitting bottom" was almost poisoning myself by taking too many. i never got help for it, did it alone, which I regret, since like you, I turned to another drug and got hooked. I never admitted I was an addict, only that I "got addicted to things" and that the addictions were physical. It's been a process of realization over a short period of time, but in the past month I've been the doctor 2 times (once was yesterday, urgent care) in which the docs tried to give me prescriptions for narcotics. A few months ago I wouldn't have hesitated, but since I've been here and admitted my addiction, I made myself say no.

So I hope that coming here is as helpful to you as it has been to me. You've taken a huge first step, and you should feel very good about that. The next step is to figure out how you are going to quit, I agree w/ CarGuy.

As for the pain, me too. DDD, chronic migraines. I'm dealing w/ pain and trying to stay clean. It's no picnic for sure. Yesterday at urgent care I talked them out of tramadol & opiates and got them to give me toradol (a really strong NSAID). Just knowing I have this option has made a difference. Are you taking the topamax for neuropathy? I couldn't stay on that, but nortriptylin and neurontin have helped me, particularly the nortrip. Also the urgent care doc told me there are some non-drug pain management options as well. Check out the pain management board.

Stay strong, and let us know how you are doing and what you decide.