Went to first N/A meeting last night. 12/ 28/05

Stillcraze · 12-29-2005, 08:51 AM

As you can see I am a Newbie. Not just here but in a lot of areas in my life.
Went to my first N/A meeting last night. Well actually not really my first because I had been to some meetings 8 years ago.There was a time in my life where I was clean. I guess around 5 years worth. 5 years out of 34 years. Not a very good record right?
But anyway the people at the meeting had this energy and peace about them. I felt so good when I left there. Kind of a high in itself. There were two guys that I rememberd from the meetings from before and they both called me by my first name and asked me where I had been. Then of course, said "glad your here and keep coming back". I did not feel any judgement from them.

and I did not say much at the meeting. I could just tell that they knew already what had brought me there. One of the guys recieved a 17 year coin. The coin was past around as customary to each member and by what was said, this person has had a positive impact on ever one there.
I feel regret for all the years I have wasted away on drugs. However, this is a new beginning for me and with help from N/A members and this wonderful board, I am going to stay clean today.
I was a lurker on here for 3 days and have read a lot of post. I am going to use this board to help me in between meetings.
Opiates have run my life for 5 years. I am taking my life back with the help of my higher power and you all.
If I ever come across as someone who thinks they know it all please bring me back down. I want and need total honesty. Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings.
Thank you.
Stillcraze

tina76 · 12-29-2005, 11:25 AM

Stillcraze -

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so glad you have found this board. I have been posting for a few months now and this board has been a godsend for me! You will not find any judgement here. Only advice, support, and friendship.

I don't know if you have already, but if not, you should search for some of Buzzkiller's old posts. He had an oxy addiction as well and did an amazing job of tapering and quitting in a very short amount of time. Some of what he went thru might be helpful to you. One thing that he did was to go to his PM doctor and come clean. They helped him set up a taper plan. I know it sounds scary...but remember, your PM has heard this all before. It's a part of prescribing opiates, there is always the chance that the patient will become addicted.

I hope you keep posting! Hope to hear more of your story soon!
Tina

Stillcraze · 12-29-2005, 03:57 PM

Tina, Thank you for the warm welcome.
I am already off of the Oxy's. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I used hydorcodone to taper off. Is this the same Buzz that I read about being in the hospital?
I will check out his post, just as a reinforcment of reasons why I never want to get back on the oxy's. There is really no way to express how bad the withdrawls are when you run out of them. Except maybe you want to die.
Regards, Stillcraze

tina76 · 12-29-2005, 03:59 PM

Yes, it is the same Buzz. He really has been thru a lot the past few months which is all documented in his previous posts. But he did it and has stayed off despite of everything else. I'm glad that you were able to get off the oxy's. Are you off the hydro's now as well? How long have you been clean from them?

Stillcraze · 12-29-2005, 04:49 PM

Tina, On my third day clean. Still have some mild WD's, chills and no energy and hard to sleep. It would be so easy to go back to my doctor and get more hydro's. I have had two back surgeries and a history of chronic back pain. I can't seem to bring myself to tell him about my abuse problem. We have a hot tub and to be honest I get more relief from it than any amount of pain pills. I have used my back pain as an excuse to feed my addiction more than anything.
I am determined to make this work but I know I can not do it on my own. That is why this board and the NA meetings are so important.
Stillcraze