scared, alone and hurting

hoapfloats · 02-10-2006, 12:18 AM

Hello everyone, I have been on and off theese boards for the past almost 3 yrs or so, I was under a different user name first and then my account got messed up. Anyways around thanksgiving I was posting and doing great, managed to stay clean for almost 1 month (I was very addicted to tussionex and vikes for the past 3 yrs and I am only 25)Anyway I totally messed up and started taking tussionex like it was going out of style, and got my self in my very first legal problem, I am now facing felony charges, I am so scared and on top of that I quit and I am almost on the start of day 3 wds, I feel so sick like a walking corpse. I am scared I might go to jail, hopefully not because this is my first offence ever, maybe by the grace of god I will get probation or rehab. I do not belong in jail I am a good person just got really addicted to bad stuff, and im petite and really pretty, not that it matters I feel so dead inside. I am sorry to sound so morbid, I just know I can not take much more of this. Its funny I heard a song today where the singer keeps saying "someone take away theese pills and save me fom all this pain". Such a cool song, totally feel like he is singing about my life.Anyways I am sorry ounce again for this lengthy post but I could really use some support now I have never felt soo alone.

Please exuse any spelling errors I am too far gone in wds and stress to fix. Bless you all and please pray for me I am so scared and alone.

Love,
Kelley

annalooba · 02-10-2006, 07:53 AM

you can and will get through this. ask your family and friends to help you. they will pull you through...they love u! you're in my prayers also!

ms.christy · 02-10-2006, 09:45 AM

Good morning, Kelley.

The name of the song you're speaking of is "SAVE ME" by Shinedown. This is a song I believe many, MANY, members on this board can relate to. I will not post the whole song unless it is requested of me to do so. HOwever, I did want to share a portion of this song with this group.
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"SAVE ME" - by SHINEDOWN

I can hardly remember the look of my own eyes. How can I love this? A life so dishonest, it made me compromise. Someone save me if you will and take away all these pills. And please just save me if you can from the blasphemy in my wasteland.
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I like this song b/c I can relate to the lyrics and b/c I 've been there before. What did I learn? I learned that there can be a million "someone's" there "to save me", but the fact remained that in order to change - I HAD TO DO SOMETHING - "someone" or "no one" for that matter could do it for me, I had to do it myself. Kelley, Today is #9 for me , it may not sound like much, but that's about 3,000mg of opiates (about 9 days worth) that I can proudly say TO MYSELF that they're not in my system and I did it.
START OVER - if you screwed up, make it right, YOU CAN DO THIS, no matter how you may feel at this moment, IT IS POSSIBLE. There are many people on these boards who have done it. I don't think it ever goes COMPLETELY away (the desire to be high that lurks in the back of your head) but you can find constructive ways to curb those urges.
Go to a mirror, look at yourself and remember, YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE "ADDICT" KELLEY. Remember what it was like to feel nature at its best, be it from a warm ray of sunshine that gently kisses your cheek, or a cool northern breeze swiftly sweeping over your body. Go to a park, watch the children play and remember what it was like to only worry about "how high you could make your swing go" or "how sick you felt on the merry go round after being spun around 100 times". These are how children get high, they are high on life - everyday a new venture and experience for them. As adults, we can find "natural highs" as well. Have you ever volunteered or help someone who TRUELY needed your help? I'm sure you have. The feeling you get is awesome! Occupy your time with short walks, simple smiles (most smiles will be returned), and kind gestures. The more you do, the more you will FEEL again. Except this time the feelings will be real and not clouded in a false sense of happiness that opiates have created for you over the years. It's okay to be scared. We are all scared of the unknown and things we don't remember (life b/f opiates). It will take you a little while to remember what you did when you weren't high, but you will, and you will do this...if you just put your mind to it.
PLease forgive the length of this post. You are in my thoughts and I will be checking in on you from time to time today.
Hugs to you,
Christy
A little history on me -
I have also relapsed in the past. I was doing anywhere from 800mg-1000mg of pills a day (YES, that is over 100 pills a day). I quit for about 2 months then relapsed to an "every now and then" way of thinking.-needless to say, it didn't work, so here I am, 9 days clean and looking forward to day 10! I say "day 10" instead of "the rest of my life" b/c taking it day by day is less overwelming and it works better for me.
If you need me, please post. I want to help you in any way I can.

hoapfloats · 02-10-2006, 09:46 AM

Thanks for your replies, my mom has not talked to me for almost a year. She has never really been there for me, one of the reasons I popped pills was take away the pain from all my family problems, its a long story and I am on day 3 wds and feel like I am gonna die, no joke.

The tussionex is harder to wd from, probably because it is a susp. formula and I was drinking so much, and each tsp. has 10 mg. of hydro. Now I have a horrible cough, could that be part of the wd from the tussionex? Plus I have horrible flu- symptems, aches the whole horrible wd thing, and I can not sleep.

Oh well I am gonna try and lie down I feel so depressed.

Thanks for listening,
Kelley.

hoapfloats · 02-10-2006, 01:34 PM

Thanks so much Ms. Christy for your awesome post, I totally needed that boost. Yes, "Save Me" By Shinedown, I love that song. I can so relate to the lyrucs, I am also into SYSTEM OF THE DOWN,do you like them? Anyways thanks again I so need that motivation check, day 3 sucks a**! When did it get better for you? Wow day 9, CONGRATS!!

Oh well I will check in later.

Thanks,
Kelley