Afraid of ADD

[jealibeanz]

OK, I think I may have ADD. I was never told of a formal diagnosis, but it was eluded to. The psych that I saw foor biofeedback therapy measured my frontal brain activity. When I first saw him these was almost no activity whatsoever. He though it was due to lack of oxygen when I was born prematurely (my lungs collapsed). Apparently this is know to happen. The activity eventually did improve some after use of the biofeedback.

When I took the ADD test on amenclinics.com it came back with this:

ADD Inattentive Type = Highly Probable
Cingulate System Hyperactivity = Highly Probable
Limbic System Hyperactivity = Highly Probable
Basal Ganglia Hyperactivity = Highly Probable

I've always done very well in school, yet have no ability to study or ever read a book. I'm always kinda scatter-brained and get mildly confused easily. I not very organized. I always get lost when I'm driving. That said, I'm intelligent, do well on reading comp tests and other standardized tests. I'm able to carry on a conversation without being distracted. I supposed this is how I was able to get accepted into physician assistant school. On paper, you'd never know that I can't study, because I'm able to pull off good grades. I'm personable and interviewed very well.

I think ADD would explain much of my anxiety. I'm always worried about being able to get things done, since I kinda wander, I don't always accomplish what I want to get done in a day.

I'm afraid to tell my PA all this at my next appointment because I'm embarassed! He's going to be looking at me thing, there's no way you can make it in this job!

On top of anxiety, I have seasonal depression and dysthimia, which I've never really explained to him. I have a lot of fatigue associated with it that I've never explained to him. I've always required at least one, but usually more naps a day because of this. He's just been treating me for simple insomnia/anxiety. I don't want to drop this bombshell on him!

I've never tried to hide this information from him, but it never came up. I have never had a good grasp on my diagnosises anyhow. I've never had much consistent, serious, or longterm treatment for anything. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Maybe I could just ask about Xanax XR for anxiety for anxiety and Provigil for depression/fatigue. He did prescribe me Klonopin and Adderall at one point for anxiety. It caused depression. I then started Effexor. I didn't respond to it. I've also used Wellbutrin, Buspar, and Paxil. I didn't respond to any, but experienced a lot of weight gain. Provigil is being studied for ADD. I don't want to look like a nutcase! Can ADD meds really make much of an improvement? I'm supposed to start PA school in May!

[nightowl2]

Afraid,

Try to ask,and learn as much as you can about A.D.D.! I found out about it, a long time ago....while reading about an actress that had it...but, I had never connected to the fact that I would have it, until a talkshow came on, that showed signs and symptoms of it...and it explained alot to me! I was more grateful than you'll ever know...because I had such a difficult time in elementary school...I was ALWAYS behind in writing assignments,and little did I know that I also had L.D.'s along with it (Learning disabilites)...I am terrible in math...and or science...but, more in math...I can do it, but, I refuse to do it,because onece I learn a thing, I have promptly forgotten it,.,,,it's as though, I have NEVER learned it! LOL!
But in all seriousness, Go on the net,and ask, ask on this site,and go also to Hallowells sight...or Ratey, just put in on search sites, Adult or child Attention defecit disorder! You will learn so much.....Hallowell wrote several books on it...and he is not only a therapist,,,but, he also has a.d.d.,and I think that he has children that have it as well! He wrote Driven to Distraction and Answers to Driven to Distraction....both wonderful books.....I know that you said that you do not read....but, perhaps the book that has the answers would be a little easier for you to get started with.

I got tested throughly when I was in my mid 30's..and I am now in my early 40's. I am grateful to the show that I saw the signs from....I "knew" that what they showed on the screen "just had to be ME!!!" I saw everything I had suffered thru,and still do,and more, on that t.v. screen! I was elated, yet, a bit crestfallen....I had the answers finally in knowning why the heck I had ALWAYS felt so "different" from the rest of my family.....and perhaps a bit "eccentric" as well! I had always felt "misplaced" somehow!
But, Do not feel afraid of it...it's nothing to feel "afraid" of.....it's something to be grateful, and sometimes in awe of,as well as sometimes frustrated with..(gotta be honest)sometimes angry with, sometimes annoyed with etc....but also glad with....it's a kaleidiscope of stuff to look at!

trust me.....it's not worth being "afraid" of this condition...it means that you have a "chemical imbalance" in your brain...and that you were born with it..and although, it can sometimes make your life more frustrating, it also enhances the way that you see life...in a more "colorful" way than most people!
You have to "work" with the disability,rather than work or go against it!
This condition manifests itself differently in each person....and it's pretty interesting to learn about....like I said...check it out on the web....and ask about it......and ask a psychiatrist or a therapist about it...if you really do not enjoy or want to read about it!!
Learn, as much as you can....!!




Nightowl2

[trainwreck]

Jealibeanz, ADD meds do make a difference if you get on the right one at the right dose for you. Provigil has proven to work for some, and others it hasn't. Same with Wellbutrin. I was afraid to admit that I had ADHD for the longest time. It's hard to face that you have it and admit it. It wasn't until my second child was diagnosed with it that I knew they both had gotten it from me. I then resolved myself to getting tested and it all made sense and was actually a relief. I knew deep down it was me and that I had it, I just didn't want to admit it. Doing a lot of reading on it and research makes a big difference. I medicated both of my boys when they were in 1st grade and they have been medicated all through school. One is now a senior in college and making A's and continues to use medication for school and work as it is the only way he can really focus on his work. In High School he tried to go without meds and found that he didn't do so well academically. My other son is a Junior in High School and doesn't go without when it comes to school. I was tested for and diagnosed 10-1/2 years ago. I was first on Ritalin until 1999. It wasn't as effective as Dexedrine for me. Medications are a trial and error thing. My kids have tried most of the ADD meds out there. My younger son has gone back to the the Dexedrine. My older son is on Adderall XR. I also take Wellbutrin to help with the ADD as well. We were fortunate to find a doctor who specialized in ADD (I was actually fortunate enough to work for him too) and who believed in individualizing the doses of the meds which makes a big difference. Everyone does not fit the same dose. If you feel you can go without medication in school without struggling and without stress, then I say go for it. I'm sure PA school has got to be hard and stressful. If you have difficulty staying on task, focusing, concentrating, etc., you may very well benefit from medication to assist with that in getting you through school. My kids would not have made it through school without it. They only take it on school days and take a break from it during the summer and on days off of school. Some may not agree with that method. I take my meds just about every day (an occasional day off). I don't think of having ADD as a bad thing, and neither should you. We all think of it as a blessing and a gift. We have gifts and abilities that most "normals" do not have. My oldest son has the gift of music, my youngest -of art, I happen to have a gift for numbers and helping people. Taking meds doesn't take away from these gifts either, it just enhances them. I'm sorry if I rambled too much and I hope I've helped some. If you have any specific questions that I can help answer, I'll be glad to help. Take care. Laura

[jealibeanz]

I feel like such an idiot. I don't even know how to bring up the topic. I have a checkup in a week for my Lunesta. My PA probably thinks it's a 3 minute appointment. I feel bad taking up more time and somehow being like ummm by the way, I have ADD, and recurrent seasonal depression/fatigue, not just minor situational anxiety/depression. He's gonna think I'm crazy and not fit for work! He is super nice, but still, gonna think I should rethink my career plans! Makes me feel so dumb! I honestly thought the ADD (even though I never quite heard those words from my psych) was curable though a little biofeedback therapy I did a couple years ago. Apparently not.

[threenorns]

lol - sorry - i'm ADHD in the worst way. i never stop moving - even when i'm physically still, my brain's running like a hamster on crack. oddly enough, my favourite jobs often involve basic routine - right now, i check door panels for defects. i love it, except when there's a lot fo quality issues and then i have to keep walking back and forth to the rework station to fix it. the rework guy gets mad as hell because i fix them myself, but i just can't wait for him to get throught the queue when i can do it myself (i learned just by watching him fix other doors).

it's nothing to be scared of - why would you be scared? it's just an attribute, like the colour of your hair or the size of your butt.

if you feel awkward and out of place, then you're in the wrong place, that's all.

there's a job for everybody - maybe it's not the high-glam, high-paying career we all wish we could have, but there's always a place to start. i was hired specifically for my ADHD qualities - i don't have to worry about getting fired if i take a left turn because my coworker is tailor-made to keep me on track or take over if i go off into orbit (i made the hiring decision - the agency just kept sending ppl to work with me until i found one i could get along with).

i spent years feeling inadequate and freakish because i could talk about eight things simultaneously - now, i almost feel sorry for normal ppl who have to live such slow, dull, uninteresting lives.