hi everyone, i posted here a while ago about problems i was having with valium which i was taking a lot of (50-100mils a day) as well as occasionally smoking heroin to deal with depression (buying the valium on the street, not getting it prescribed). since then ive been to see my doctor twice and managed to go about 2 months without taking valium or heroin. first time i went i explained the medication i was on wasnt working so he advised me to taper down which i did. then i went back and was precribed another anti-depressant. the problem is that i never feel any improvement in the way i feel, not even a little bit. i keep trying to think positive and hoping that when i wake up tomorrow i might feel just i tiny bit better than i did before but some days i feel even worse. overall i dont think my depression and anxiety have got better at all and if anything i sometimes feel like im getting worse and just gradually losing the plot. my doctor put me on a new medication called Sertaline which is an SSRI but after a few weeks on this i started to feel terrible - really paraniod and withdrawn and i didnt leave the house for about 2 weeks. i eventually just stopped taking it becuase i felt so bad when i was on it. before the sertaline i was on citralopam for about 3-4 months which also made me feel worse than usual. do SSRI's just not agree with some people??? a lot of the time now i feel like i need to drink a lot when im in a social situation because i feel more anxious and paranoid when theres a lot of people round about me, even my friends. i dont want to go back to the doctor and try another SSRI becuase of the effect they have on me, but i dont think i'll get prescribed anything else because ive already told him about my benzo usage so he wont prescribe anything that can be addictive, even though i think i could stick to a controlled dose. are there any other treatments available other than SSRI's? should i not be feeling even i tiny bit better after being clean (of pot, drink, downers, uppers, heroin, everything) for about 8 weeks? i thought it was the drugs that were making me feel so bad but without anything i just feel like im getting worse and worse rather than gradually feeling better. i know recovery is a long process and im willing to put up with feeling bad but i feel like i could be clean for years without the mental health problems ever going away. basically i thought if i really wanted to get better i just had to do all the right things (see the doctor, admit i had a problem, stop taking drugs, get medication) and things would start to get brighter but its not worked out that way and i dont know what to do. i feel helpless!
i know theres not much people can do over the internet to help me but i just wanted to get that all out and see if anyone has any advice. thanks.
Hey there!! While reading your post I couldn't help notice that there was no mention of a "higher power" so to speak. You can't get better all alone no matter what you do. I was in the same boat until I gave my life over to Christ. I felt the same way you are feeling right now. I had also had it with all of the hypocritical church going people and wanted no part of anything fake. It was only when I got my personal relationship with Christ that I started to feel better. This is a relationship very deep and very meaningful. I also got into an NA meeting, got a sponsor and started working the steps. We can't do this all alone. It is much deeper than just taking a substance and being happy. We need, want and deserve to be happy from the inside out, God made us for His enjoyment. Do ya think He likes to watch alot of dreary, lost and unhappy souls try to get through life? Get yourself another doctor maybe and be honest with him and tell him where you are: the whole brutally honest truth: trust God and learn to love yourself. It won't happen overnight, God is mighty and He could heal us in an instant, but then we wouldn't come to know and love Him the way He loves us. I promise, from my own recovery, that He can and will heal this sickness for you, you have to want it NO MATTER WHAT He asks you to do. Good luck and let us hear from you often. With love in Christ, Cleanblessed
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