...am I in the right place, company?

[Elysium9]

I am new here. I am wondering still, if I am at the right place, address? I am writing to you now, realizing that I am deep within a mania. I have thought this before... January '00, I was diagnosed with, 'severe-major-depression', (after inniciating very-poor-act's-of-judgement, including theft, fraud), (getting caught), (feeling worthless), diagnosed from a wellknown phsycho-pharmocologist, in New York City. Originally, treated with, Paxil. Paxil, I felt as if the top of my head was literally going to pop-off. Color's, sound's intensified, movement's surreal, digital, distorted. Psychotic... out there in, 'dreamland', 'movieland', Stanley Kubrik film. My doctor took me off, Paxil, prescribed Zoloft. Again, I experienced a much-similar effect as with the, Paxil. Best way for me to describe the feeling's I felt without sounding, 'writerly, poetic, intellectual', is hallucinagenic; Lsd, Mescaline, druged, unreal. My last course of treatment was with medication(s), Celexa, later, Celexa/Buspar cocktail. Once again this(ese), medication(s), made me feel insane, wound-up, a lunatic, a madman... My doctor did not seem to be generally concerned with the side-effect's I was experiencing from medication. He did not think, or even suggest to me at this time, that I might be Bi-Polar, in fact he told me, that I was not,...went on to prescribe, Revia, an Opiate-blocker, used at the time for not only Heroin/Opiate addiction, but alcohol addiction, and Klonopin. At this time, needlesstosay, I am not seeing a m.d., nor am I taking any medication, for depression. I did, however medicate myself, on and around last year's tradgedy in New York, with Buspar, then Celexa, sepperately, both medication's once again, I felt wild, out of control. I am beginning to accept, realize that I probably am manic? My mood swing's very quickly, mind racing, head-in-the-cloud's, ending in abrupt darkness.
It is now, mid-November. The day's are shorter, it is cold here in New England, the, 'holiday season', is just 'rounf the corner. I am afraid, lethargic.
Is there beleived a direct correlation between the side-effects I experienced with all SSRI's, and Bi-Polar Disorder? Please write. I would be interested to hear from all.
Leland

male
caucasian
fortysix

[~~E-mail address deleted~~ Minerva]

[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 11-09-2002).]

[StarCat]

Dear Leland,

First of all, you are definitely in the right spot, and I am very sorry you are having such severe symptoms.

2nd - YES! There is a direct correllation between your side-effects from the SSRI's and Bipolar Disorder

As a fellow sufferer of Bipolar Disorder, let me tell you that for me, the main determining factor which led my psychiatrist to conclude that I was in fact, not clinically depressed, but Bipolar, was the fact that SSRI's (the family including Celexa, Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft) make me manic & rapid-cycle (this means I flip from high to low very quickly). I don't know why all doc's don't know this, as it seems to be fairly common (and it makes sense too - I mean, Bipolars are known for their cycling from elevated to depressed mood, so why wouldn't a mood-elevator like a SSRI start that cycle?).

Now that you know that SSRI's don't work for you...maybe you would benefit from finding a more informed psychiatrist who is willing to treat your Bipolar? Usually the first-line treatments are mood-stabilizers like Lithium or Depakote, which fight the mania. Then, AFTER the mania has receeded....if you find yourself still struggling with depression, an antidepressant may be SLOWLY added in TINY doses. Other common Bipolar meds are Tegretol, Lamictal, Keppra, and other anticonvulsants (meds that prevent seizures). Also, many people with Bipolar use antipsychotics in conjunction with their mood-stabilizers, for example: Zyprexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, etc.

I'd really highly recommend that you find a good psychiatrist who can start you on some of the Right meds. I'm so sorry that you were being treated by someone who didn't identify your manic symptoms.

Let us know how you make out.
Best of luck,
StarCat

[krissi]

Hi Leland,
I can certainly relate to much of what you say. I went off of all meds and got lost driving, didn't recognize people i had know for years, slept for days, was paranoid, could not hold a conversation, sounds were too loud, there was way too much stimulation. I get very artistic and am obsessed about creating art and poetry. I still have problems trying to get the feeling of being here and not that i am really part of the spiritual world. I do work and try hard to pretend that i fit in here. I am in new england also and the short cold days are pretty rough. I work 3 different places, if i work it seems that whatever is chasing me can't get me. I think that probably you are highly intelligent,creative and probably a bit of a perfectionist, all of which go along with the illness. I guess I would rather have the illness than not because i am a very sensative person and in tune with being good to other people and i don't see allot of that in so called normal people. Stay in the moment and use all of us here to help you, we all do understand and can at least validate that this is a hard illness to have but we can all help eachother to learn to live with it and be better for it. Krissi