I'm back! Quit today...

[toughtime]

Hi all,
Some of you might remember me because I've been on and off pills (and these boards) for years. I quit for about a month in January, then- like an idiot- started back. Well, the pill use started at only 4 a day. I thought I had it under control this time. It escaleted back to 15 or so a day. I would take 3-4 norcos at a time and hardly feel them. I even spent $600 on pills and tussionex cough syrup from an OP and now I'm broke. Well, I took all my pills yesterday and last night. I am done. I am off work Mon- Wed. and I'm going to use these 5 days to detox. I have a little daughter who's 6, and I'm all she has in this world. If I keep taking these pills, I'm going to kill myself. Not to mention how spacy and snappy and angry I get on them. She deserves better. So, it's 3:20 and I feel so weird. My skin is crawling and jumpy and I don't feel like myself at all. But I am really determined. Other times I'd be off for a few days and try to quit, but I always had pills around. I knew that if I took everything, and with the holiday weekend, there's no way I could get more. I don't want more. I want to live. I want to be clean.
So, I thought I'd check in with you guys and say hi. I've been on these pills for 5 years or more. I think the only real time I quit was this past January. It's so pathetic. Thanks for listening.

[Iwant2quit]

Do I ever feel your pain. I SO want to QUIT! I keep saying I am and that is all I think about! I know you can do it! I will try and keep you company this weekend and maybe I will join you as I only have 2 left anyhow and not sure if I can get more, I am thinking maybe it is a good time and maybe it is a sign from god! Since it is a longer weekend. Sad thing is I go back to work Tuesday so that would be the worst day! Just say to yourself that these pills are money I could be spending on myself and NICE things for my daughter! Remeber the WD'S you are going through and don't even think (like me) that you can use for a weekend or your can use for the headache cause it doesn't work, you end up back on them and back in the same spot you are in today! You have plenty of time to get clean stay clean. I know I may be shot for this, if you have to do anything find a darvocette or an ultram to help eaze the wd's. I did that once and it helped tremendously and I even controled the usage. Ok gotta go but try and enjoy the weekend! Just think next summer you will be on trips with your daughter with all the money you are saving!!!!!!!!! I WISH I WAS YOU!

[toughtime]

Thanks for the support. OMG I feel HORRIBLE! Sheez. And it's so habitual to pop a pill. I keep headed to my bathroom or armoire in my room where I kept my stash and it's like, wait a minute, you don't take those anymore. My daughter's furous at me because I haven't been any fun today. I just told her I'm sick. I took a half a xanex and took a huge nap. I didn't want to wake up. Now I ordered a pizza and I"m going to hang out with her for the evening. Crap this feels worse than last time I quit. Last time I went straight with my family and they were over here taking care of my daughter while I could withdraw. Well, no one knows I started taking again, so I'm too ashamed to let anyone know I screwed up again. This time, it's on my own. With you guys. You can do it too, if you don't, you'll just get more of a tolerance, more of a habit, and the longer you wait, the harder it's going to be. ttyl.

[Iwant2quit]

So how are you doing this AM? Are you awake yet? I know about te tolerance I have been going for about 7 years minus the 1 I was on suboxone and then the 1 month i was clean from that. Grrrr!

[toughtime]

Hi there,

I'm awake. I don't feel good but it is day 2. I woke up realizing that my daughter and I both need to bathe today! So that will be done. It's still early for me, at least. How's everyone else?