Milestone for me today.

[Thiswasyourlife]

Hi Everyone,
Still clean and sober here. I had a drs apt for a procedure that I had scheduled for a couple of months. No big deal really, he had to remove some carcinoma growths on my arm and hand.
Althought alcohol is my DOC, whenever I got pain meds from a dr, I ate them like candy and washed 'em down with alcohol. I was really sweating the apt. I spoke about it in one of the meetings I went to today. I shared that the old me = a liar and a manipulator. I swear I could charm the fur coat of a eskamo in sub zero temps. My disease was trying to talk me into asking for something, saying you'll be in pain, you'll need something.
After the first meeting, two women offered to go with me. I felt better after the meeting and decided I should not even go there with pain meds.
When I got there, the little voice in my head started yapping again. I was laying on the table and I was looking up through a window and saw a big bee's nest. I said to the dr, "Nice, your sticking me with numbing needles and I am watching a bee's nest swarm about."
Anyway, he said, "For pain, your best friend will be a ice pack and advil. I said," yes it will". Old days, I would have asked for something stronger, cause after all, I have a 2 inch incision on one spot and a 1 inch incision in the other. But I didnt!
I barely felt the needles to numb me, and even now, really no pain that advil wont take care of. It may not sound like much to some of you but its definatley a major milestone for me.
The meeting after the dr apt was good. I was telling a friend about my concerns before the meeting and how it went and she said somthing that makes a lot of sence to me. As an alcohoic, I blow everything out of proportion. I'm thinking and projecting that my arm is going to blow up and fall off. Watching that bee's nest tells me that things arent always as bad as they seem or could be for this alcoholic TODAY. Really, while I was watching the bee's and he was sticking the needle(s) in my I had no pain what-so-ever.

I hope everyone is doing fine. I will be in and out of the boards for a while. Id love to hear your comments.
Marilyn

[tryinghardmom]

Oh, girlfriend, I woulda been exactly where you were, thinking of the pain meds....thinking 'Advil? My arse.' So woooohooo! to you!
Christy

[AcMeKaNiK]

I used to laugh to myself when people would ask me if I wanted an advil or an ibuprofin......hahahaha. What the hell is that worth, it aint gonna do anything. I wanted something good. Its amazing how screwed up I had become and that it felt like a normal reaction to think that way ........

[toughtime]

Hey Marilyn,

Good for you! You're a lot stronger than I am. I've been feeling very guilty actually. I haven't popped any pills (my DOC), but I've been sick. Monday, day 10, I went to the doc. I found out I have strep throat and I've been taking nyquil and every over the counter med without relief. So I didn't say anything when they prescribed me cough syrup. It was my old fave- tussionex, with hydrocodone. I know I should have said something, but I was happy to get a script for it. I took some Monday night, yesterday and today. Now, I haven't been chugging on the bottle like the old me would have, I've been trying to follow doc's orders, but I take 2 t when it says take 1. I know it's not pain pills, but it is hydrocodone. The weird thing is, which I guess is good, is that it's made me feel like crap. No energy, nothing good that I remembered about hydros. Just feeling anxious, aggravated, nauseous, kind of spun up like I had energy, yet unable to get off my butt and do anything. Anyway, I took what I had left and hid it, way up high in the top shelf of the back of my closet, where I had to get a chair to get it there. I'm not going to take anymore. So I can't come on here boasting about my clean days, because these weren't clean days. I guess I'll start tomorrow as my day 10 again. Anyway, just wanted to fess up. It's not the same buzz as the pills, and it's not pills, but it's the same drug, just in another form. I know I'm playing with fire, and I don't want to go back down that path, so no more, no mas. Between that and the antibiotics, I'm finally feeling better. Thank God. I've been sick since last week. Anyway, thanks for listening/reading.

Debbie

[Thiswasyourlife]

Hey Deb
Dont beat yourself up. Just start over. Why dont you just throw the rest of the stuff out? If you were able to hide, your able to get it back down from the closet.
What do you think?

Your Friend,
Marilyn