depression 4 weeks post-op prostatectomy

[npatrick]

We are now almost 4 weeks post-op. We continue to have alot to be thankful for. First of all, there is still no incontinence. My husband is passing some blood in urine occasionally, which the MD said was nothing unusual. Unfortunately depression seems to have set in...My husbands tells me that the only comparison would be that of a woman having a mastectomy. He feels like he is not complete and worthless. I did not foresee any of these emotional problems. Yes, we did all of the book reading and so forth, but we should have been better prepared. I feel that if there is time that there should actually be some type of mental preparation for this surgery. We are going to talk with the doctor about some antidepressant medication...maybe something for anxiety. I do want to say one thing to you guys out there going through this. When your partner is telling you that they love you no matter what......try to believe them. Does anyone have any other suggestions to make things better?

[geifer]

My husband had his surgery three years ago this next month. If your husband is like mine he was healthy until this cancer surgery. My husband was 51 when he had his operation and it does take some time to get use to. Just the thought of having cancer is pretty scary. My husband found a support group at a local hospital that he attends once a month. It is just regular guys who have gone thru the same thing. I think it helps him alot to talk about it to guys and not just me. Call your local hospital or the American cancer soicety and see if there is a support group in your area. Both husbands and wifes attend ours and see if it helps. I know you have to have the patients to get thru this and your husband and you are not alone. I hope I have helped you with your question Take care and stay safe geifer

[All_Sevens]

npatrick,

Although you don't state this explicitly, I would guess that your husband is grieving the sudden and dramatic loss of sexual function that so often accompanies radical prostatectomy. For most men, this is a very depressing situation, and in that sense, depression is probably a pretty normal response. When I found out that there was a 50% chance I'd end up impotent from this operation, I started getting depressed even before the operation took place.

I think sending the message "I love you anyway" or "I love you no matter what" can make a man feel even more depressed, because each statement contains the poignent reminder of his loss. It's probably better to just say "I love you", and allow him to grieve. It's only been four weeks. That kind of pain often doesn't resolve itself quickly. It shouldn't be minimized.

I agree with Geifer that it is helpful to talk with others who have gone through the same thing. As a prostate cancer patient, I know that he is having a normal response, but he might not be feeling "normal" right now.

[All_Sevens]

npatrick,

Although you don't state this explicitly, I would guess that your husband is grieving the sudden and dramatic loss of sexual function that so often accompanies radical prostatectomy. For most men, this is a very depressing situation, and in that sense, depression is probably a pretty normal response. When I found out that there was a 50% chance I'd end up impotent from this operation, I started getting depressed even before the operation took place.

I think sending the message "I love you anyway" or "I love you no matter what" can make a man feel even more depressed, because each statement contains the poignent reminder of his loss. It's probably better to just say "I love you", and allow him to grieve. It's only been four weeks. That kind of pain often doesn't resolve itself quickly. It shouldn't be minimized.

I agree with Geifer that it is helpful to talk with others who have gone through the same thing. As a prostate cancer patient, I know that he is having a normal response, but he might not be feeling "normal" right now.

[npatrick]

Thank you Geifer and All Sevens for your advice. We will be looking into a support group. I feel that this will help us tremendously.