I really need today to be over already

[trg247]

Ever have one of those days where you wake up and you wished you didn't. I wanted to stay in bed but I will run out of my meds and that in turn will make tomorrow no fun what so ever. Middle of the grocery store and I get hit by this over whelming urge to do something stupid. not good when you can scare the crap out of yourself with one simple thought. My phone has been ringing and I have not answered it for I really do not feel like lying today when it comes to the "how are you doing?" question. My mom is suppose to be calling soon and I need to answer that one or else she will freak, I think she is convinced one of these days I am just going to say the hell with it and end it. I have a doctors appointment in a couple of weeks, the fifteenth I think, and I do not know what I am going to say. If he catches me on a good day I will act like everyday is like that, but if catches me on a bad day I need to be wary of the answers I give him as I have no urge to be declared " a danger to myself or others" again. No doc I have not been seeing or hearing things, no doc I do not have a spefic plan of killing myself, no doc I have no intention of hurting myself (this is actually true, the thoughts are definately there but thats not the question). He will prescribe my meds one week at a time for I still meet that wonderful risk criteria. I have no idea what I am saying anymore. My body is constantly sore from the number of chemicals I put in it to keep the depression monster at bay even though it does not seem to be working half the time - Effexor, Wellbutrin, Remeron, Lithium, Temazapam - going cold turkey is definately not an option and I can not even imagine the hell I would be in if I did.

I hope your day is better than mine
take care
trg247

[SanyBelle]

Hi trg247, you have helped me in the past, I wish I could help you now. I'm struggling to just get through each day, I wish it was better for all of us. How can most people be so happy and un-depressed? What do they have that we don't?

I hope you are feeling better!

[Sannah]

Trg, you haven't written this much in a long time. Must be from all that practice of expressing yourself - keep at it.

[justlilme]

Oh, Trg! Sannah is so right; you are doing so well expressing your feelings. You don't need to know exactly what you are saying, or make sure that it all makes sense. What matters is that you are sharing your feelings with others. You've also helped me in the past just as you have Traveller and others. Don't give up; we care about you! I understand how you feel about doctors and therapists. When we depressives express our feelings, we sound like such a threat to ourselves to doctors and therapists. They don't quite understand that sometimes what we feel and what we want are two different things. To feel like you must walk on eggshells with your docs to ensure that they don't misinterpret you just totally sucks! And then they put us on medication. I, too, am so sick of meds and I've been on it for just less than two months. I want to get off it, but I also know what hell it would be without it.

You're doing great in taking one day at a time. Keep on it.

[blondeone]

to the first poster: what is wrong with you?