I would like to thank everyone for your posts....Elizabeth, thank you for your post, I am definitely going to take your warning into consideration.
Frazzled & Bob ~ We had the evaluation on Friday and I was able to put a call in on Thursday...the pdoc was off but I was able to speak to the Nurse Practitioner and share my concerns with her. She reassured me that I had done the right thing and that she would inform the doctor of my concerns prior to our appointment.
The pdoc met with hubby and I and our daughter....he explained that he would get a history of what she saw as her problems in the past as well as present and with some input from us. He also reassured her that since he wanted to have her be as truthful as possible there would be a point in which we would be asked to leave the room and he would meet with her privately and would ask her questions that he wouldn't share her answers with us but required her to be honest in order to best help her.
After obtaining a basic mental health history our daughter informed the pdoc that the reason she was there was because she was having problems focusing and concentrating in college and was also fidgety. He asked her other questions of problems that she thought were in her past and present besides that.....she said that other than having strict parents and rules everything else was alright.
He then asked us what we saw as the problem. We were honest about our deep concern regarding our daughter's alcohol and drug use....that with the family history of alcoholism, drug addictions, & Bipolar and also having her younger sister recently diagnosed with BP/ADD we didn't know if her use of drugs and alcohol was due to some underlying biological condition and wanted to get down to the reason for it. We shared with him of how things started at the age of 14 when she had a change in personality...she was quite irritable, angry, rebelluous, impulsive that it seemed quite volatile in nature and eventually came to a head and she moved out for a few weeks staying at one of our friends houses. At the time we discovered from our younger daughter that she was hiding pills in her room which ended up being Stackers with Ephedra. We explained her starting to drink at the age of 14-15 as well as using weed. Of running away and doing risky things without thinking.....progressing to her getting arrested for underage drinking and suspended a few months before her Graduation. Of her living with my brother with a fresh start and her only doing the same things and my brother saying that he had the same concerns as we did....that something was wrong and that he was extremely afraid for her. He went on to ask our daughter about her drinking and drug use starting with the drinking....she went on to tell him that she only drank about once or twice a month...hubby choked and stood up saying that it was probably time for the pdoc to meet with her alone so that she could be honest....the pdoc agreed and we left the room.
He then met with our daughter for a good 30 minutes or so and then called us back in. He asked how things were at home....we told him not good at all...that she didn't like the rules, barely met up with her responsibilities, was irritable and always on the go running around from the minute she woke up to the time she got home. That on the other hand her grades were wonderful and she was working a full-time job as a front desk operator at a high end resort which is in the line of work that she hopes to make a career of. That she had a great work ethic but yet did risky things that we were afraid would affect her entire future if she didn't learn how to control it. I shared how she went on scavenger hunts in which she rode around at night in a car with a team competing with friends in another car doing things like breaking windows, climbing on roofs, peeing in a cup and leaving it in a mailbox, stealing signs, ringing a doorbell waking up a family and getting a picture. And the latest of breaking into our secondary home and having friends over for the third time.
The pdoc shared with us his findings....he said that he felt that our daughter had no biological condition that he felt he could treat. That his recommendation would be counseling. That while he interviewed our daughter she was totally coherent, undistracted and not denmonstrating any evidence of lack of concentration, delusions, psychosis, irrational behavior etc. He did share that she had a definite set of values and perceptions of life that differed severely from ours and that with counseling and maturity that would improve. He spent another 45 minutes explaining how while her values and perceptions were different than ours that because we were sustaining her and she was receiving the benefits of free room and board, funding of education, payment of medical/dental bills as well as livlihood that this should be enough for her to respect our values and perceptions even though they were not the same as hers and that once she was out on her own and not being supported by us that she was entitled to live by her own standards but until then needed to accept ours. That she was allowed to voice her opinion of them but in the end comply.
Eventually our daughter tuned him out and stood up saying that she had enough and was going to be late for work.
Long story short, we confronted our daughter with our findings....of finding out from 2 of her friends that they were concerned about her drug use which included Adderall (two my friends informed me that their kids told them that they were worried about our daughter and that she did use Adderall). She denied it at first and then told us that she did use it but only to focus more for her exams and handle the workload at college, to clean her dorm and things like that. And that she learned not to take it more than 2 days in a row or you get really depressed & that she hadn't taken any since 2 weeks ago (which is after college) and that everybody was doing it.
EVentually when I told her about the text I came across of her asking her Marine friend to bring some Adderall and that it must be more than something she needed to focus in school she broke down crying saying that she needed it to work her job or she wouldn't have the energy to do all that she had to do. I pointed out that if she needed it to function at work then she was dependent on it. She said that she couldn't get any here (I doubted that because she seems wired all the time) and told me that she really feels that she has ADD and that the Adderall helps. Because of her manipulation and lying I don't know if that is for real or just a way to get what she wants.
I also find out that her roommates who will be leasing a house this year also use Adderall...one of which was in rehab already for it, another who was in rehab for alcohol abuse, and a 23 year old marine who is a friend of one of the roommates who was addicted to oxycotin and they took him in to their dorm and watched over him this past year. HE has been serving in Iraq and kicked out of his house by his family for his drug use.
We told our daughter that she needs to get help and do some outpatient rehab....that her use and abuse of alcohol and drugs was only worstening over the years and that as her parents we needed to intervene so that she didn't lose everything good in her life. She refused saying that only "f-ups" go to rehabs and she wasn't a "f-up" and that I was crazy and nobody elses mom waits up to do a drug test....I told her that a mom who loves their child does. That it wasn't about her winning or me losing anymore....that the DRUGS would win unless we did something about it.
This morning we spoke more and we told her that we had come to the decision that for the rest of the summer that we would test her and if she tested positive that she wouldn't return to school and that we hoped that she would seek out counseling and/or rehab to help out. That if she did test positive at anytime that she would have to attend rehab if she wanted to continue to be supported by us and that she would attend a community college for a year until things were more under control. And that if she went back to college after doing okay for the summer that we would randomly come for a trip and test her and if she tested positive she would have to come back home or we would immediately stop funding her college or supporting her.
She got angry saying that she didn't have a problem that everybody did Adderall and even much worse things like coke, ecstasy, heroin....we told her that we weren't interested in waiting until she did those as well. We told her that if she didn't have a problem then the testing shouldn't be so upsetting.
She stormed out taking off in her car after telling us that she would never ever speak to us if we made her go to a rehab.
So that is where we are at...I spoke to my best friend who has the son who is ADD and she got all choked up saying that what if she really is ADD and is trying to feel better and she is tormented like this for many years??? That she was concerned that my daughter didn't receive the proper evaluation because when her son was evaluated he had to answer pages of questions and it wasn't something you could determine in one session,. I told her that I was concerned about the same thing...that something was hurting inside of my daughter and I would hate for this to go on for years.
I have a feeling that the pdoc washed his hands of her for two reasons....she is obviously looking to get Adderall by my findings and is abusing it without a proper prescription AND she is returning to college in a matter of weeks and feels that under those circumstances to diagnose her and administer Adderall to her is more of an ethical risk than he is willing to take.
I would so appreciate anyone's thoughts on this particulary you, Bob, since you have a history of addictions preceeding your diagnosis of ADD and might be able to relate somewhat to what my daughter may be experiencing.
Thanks for reading such a lengthy post....it has been quite a lot to take on and I so need some advice on how to go about doing what I need to save my daughter.
~ Goody
)
Linear Mode
