I quit quitting. I have accepted the fact that I will always be a pill junkie.

[ilovejoaquim]

Okay, I failed my attempt to quit.
I did good for a week without taking any percosets or oxy's at all but instead I was taking tramadol which I didn't think was addictive so I thought I was doing really well without withdrawls that whole week and I was so proud of myself and my energy level was good and I was happy.
My tramadol prescription ran out and withdrawls came on full force. I was back in hotflash hell, crying, depressed, sleepless nights, muscle spasms, moodyness.
My doctor gave me a prescription for vicodan for back pain. I took the whole prescription in one day.
I'm back to where I was again.
I think I give up.
I think I'll be a junkie for the rest of my life. I can't ever stop pills for good. I can't take the withdrawls. I don't want to go to detox. I refuse. My addiction is a secret to my family so I can't be gone that long.
I have a son, a full time job. I can't stop all that and go to detox.
I don't know what else to do. I have no more options.
I just give up.
But i'm not sad right now either because I just took 5 pills.

I'll be sad tomorrow and probably will feel like dying tomorrow but don't worry, i'm not suicidal or anything, just depressed.

I don't know what else to do. I just fully give up now. Just figured I would let you all know thanks for your help, I appreciated it, I just can't do it.

[oh-notagain]

have you ever considered trying sub? at least you wont have to go through w/d whenever you run out of a script, you will be able to live your life w/o all the addict/ worries, and you'll have a chance at getting some kind of outside/ help and support for your addiction so you dont return to pills once you decide, if you decide to ween off the sub.

i wish you luck. God Bless,

michelle

[granny0]

Dear Love,
Please don't give up! Alot of people have rebounds but it does not mean that you need to stay on drugs the rest of your life. You know you can't. You'll need more and more and will only go downhill from there. Read Reach and Maggie's latest posts. They gave me a light at the end of the tunnel. They are happy! I think if they can do it, we can too. I have a friend and coworker who called me crying this morning. She had to go see a bail bondsman to post bond for her 25 yr old daugher. Prostitution and drugs. She's addicted to methadone. It sickens me to think she's willing to sell her body to any man that comes along for drug money. She may very well go to jail and I think it will do her good. If something doesn't happen soon, I see no future for this girl other than death. How sad and scary that the need for the drugs have driven this girl to sell her body to get high.
Please rethink your choice to quit quitting. I will be praying for you.
Best wishes.
JB

[ilovejoaquim]

I don't want to talk to my primary doctor about my addiction and i'm scared to go to detox because my family doesn't know my secret and I have just started my new full time job.
How else can I get a script for sub without going to detox? where do I go? I don't think any place will give me a prescription for sub without going to a detox.
I have to transportation anywhere so it's not like I can go to meetings somewhere else.
My mother brings me to work everyday so she's my only source and like I said, she doesn't know my addiction.
I'm scared.
Today I dove into the deep end of the pool. I took so much oxy's and perc's today that i'm actually feeling naucious.

[oh-notagain]

just look for the suboxone website and they have a physician locator. type in your zip code. you may just find a doc really really close. and you dont have to go to detox first. all you have to do is show up at your first appt in mild/moderate withdrawls, and they will induct you right there in the office; give you sub until you feel better. you will leave with a script for the week or month and just go from there. its easy. you dont have to go to detox first!

good luck,

michelle